Tears of Healing
by Steppenwoelfin
Summary: Ignores HBP and DH. Severus and Harry have to resume their Occlumency lessons in Harry's 7th year. After a bad start, Harry gradually learns to control his emotions and Severus learns to reveal them: a tentative bond develops...Complete!
1. Chapter 1

**TEARS OF HEALING**

A/N: I'm back with my fourth Snarry story. I deleted _That Special Touch_ since I felt that I did not and currently cannot do enough research on blindness, Braille etc. and was therefore not familiar enough with the material I wanted to write about. I also apologise to those who took the time to read and review the deleted story. So I decided to revert to something that has been done a million times before. But then, the plots for my previous Snarries have also been done a million times before.

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It is Harry's seventh year. Harry has to resume Occlumency lessons with Snape, including duelling sessions after Voldemort discovers the pleasure of severely disrupting Harry's sleeping pattern during Harry's seventh year. Voldemort sends Harry such bad visions and nightmares that Harry starts searching for drastic measures to be able to sleep properly. Dumbledore decides to kill two birds with one stone: teach Harry how to defend himself properly against Voldemort and get Severus and Harry to bury their resentments. For once and for all. After a series of volatile lessons, Harry starts to "filter" his feelings in a diary and gradually learns Occlumency. The insight the wizards gain into each other's minds and memories establishes a tentative understanding between them. While Harry learns to control his emotions, Severus realises that keeping his feelings trapped and festering away in bitterness is self-destructive. Slowly, the two wizards develop a bond which grows increasingly stronger and sensual even as Voldemort prepares for war on the wizarding world…  
This is a slash story. Don't like, don't read. It will be sensual and seductively homoerotic in later chapters...in compliance with the M rating, of course :-)

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The characters and universe in this story do not belong to me; they belong to J.K. Rowling.

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**CHAPTER 1**

Severus Snape was glaring at Dumbledore. He had not been so angry since the Headmaster had given him a shampoo and hair care set last Christmas. Severus had wanted to send the whole thing back, but it was bewitched to refuse any attempts to return it to its sender. So he had used it. And it had worked. Naturally. It had been a rather expensive set. And Severus had got the extremely unsubtle hint. In this case, he was close to getting apoplexy.

"I refuse to teach Potter Occlumency again," he whispered, a muscle twitching ominously in his jaw. His slender fingers were clutching the handle of his teacup very tightly. A crunching sound and a couple of porcelain fragments running down his fingers made him loosen his grip quickly, and he hastily set the cup back onto its saucer. Dumbledore pressed his fingers together in a neat steeple.

"Severus, Voldemort has discovered that sleep deprivation is an exceedingly efficient method to destroy someone. Harry's friends are worried because Harry has been secretly taking Sleeping Potions. He is currently in the hospital wing and has been diagnosed with Sleeping Potion addiction."

"What a martyr," Severus exclaimed with mock pity.

Dumbledore was silent.

Why don't _you _teach him, Albus?" the Head of Slytherin asked bluntly.

"It is impossible, Severus. I simply do not have the capacities to do so at the moment, and you are aware of it, my dear boy – quite apart from the fact that you would…push him better than I would or could."

Severus's lip curled into a characteristic sneer.

"I would push him over a cliff if I could."

"Severus," Dumbledore said sternly, "that is a very unkind thing to say."

"He is just like his father."

"You are just trying to see James Potter in his son. You are searching for a reason to hate Harry."

"Searching for a reason?" Severus snorted derisively. "I do not need to search for a reason. I have more than enough reasons to think that Harry Potter is an arrogant, conceited and pampered-"

"Sugar, Severus?" Dumbledore interrupted him quietly, gesturing at a sugar cube hovering above a dainty sugar bowl.

Severus refused the offer curtly, fully aware of the fact that he had just been stopped in what had been in danger of turning into a rant.

"Well, Severus? What is your decision?" Dumbledore asked firmly.

"With or without a Pensieve – my answer is no. Potter will never learn Occlumency; and leaving that brat alone with a Pensieve…" His knuckles turned white as he buried his fingers into the armrest of his chair.

"Severus. Please," Dumbledore said softly, "it is urgent. Harry has to master Occlumency. His sleeping pattern is completely disrupted; and besides getting over the Sleeping Potion addiction, he has his NEWTs to study for. He has to learn how to control his emotions and thoughts if he wants to defeat Voldemort. You are the only one who can teach him."

"After all the encouraging things that have happened, Albus? You do know what a close friendship that brat and I have?" Severus reminded him sarcastically.

"He is not a brat. He is seventeen. An adult. He is more, if not yet completely, mature. And although he resembles his father strongly, Severus, remember that he is kind-hearted, like his mother Lily. If you tried to get to know him properly, Severus, instead of judging him on the basis of past quarrels-"

"Fine. I will teach him," Severus said coldly, "although I regard the ingestion of Sleeping Potion for two months as most immature."

Dumbledore leant back.

The Potions Master threw him a glacial glance.

"I regard it as part of the price I have to pay for this." He flexed his left forearm.

"You are free to regard it in whatever light you wish, Severus. I personally do not intend this task as a punishment or a price to pay, and you know it. This is not only about you, my dear boy. It is about strengthening Harry and weakening Voldemort."

Severus did not respond, preferring to shrug slightly and compressing his lips in a thin disapproving line.

"When are you going to disclose the delightful news to Potter?" he asked finally.

"As soon as his addiction wears off."

"It will take a good two or three weeks, considering that he has been ingesting it for two whole months," Severus said in a bored tone.

"The sooner, the better."

"There's something else which occurred to me, Severus."

Severus took his teacup and sipped at the hot beverage as if for fortification.

"What else?" he asked warily.

"It would be a good idea if you gave Harry duelling lessons as well."

The teacup shattered onto the floor and Severus's high cheekbones became ominously flushed. A slight vibration seemed to run through the floor of the office.  
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In the meanwhile, seventeen-year-old Harry Potter was lying in a hospital bed with a hammering headache. Vulnerable and deprived of natural sleep, he stared at the ceiling with bloodshot eyes while Madam Pomfrey scolded him.

"The Sleeping Potion you took prevented insomnia and nightmares alright, young man! It has also reduced you to this state."

Harry blinked tiredly.

"There is only one thing which can ward off Voldemort's – oh, stop flinching like that, Ron – attacks efficiently, and that is-"

"-Occlumency," Ron finished Hermione's sentence. The two Gryffindors were sitting anxiously at Harry's bedside. The matron had reluctantly allowed them to stay in a ward since they were Harry's closest friends and had notified her when Harry had suddenly fainted away in the middle of Charms.

Harry uttered a ghostly laugh and averted his face from them. Hermione sighed.

"Maybe if Dumbledore taught him…" Ron said slowly.

"Yes. Maybe. But I don't think so. He didn't teach Harry last time."

"That's because You-Know-Who was possessing Harry. He's not doing it now. I mean, now he's _sending_ nightmares and horrible stuff to Harry, but he's not _in_ him."

"No, he's not," Hermione said thoughtfully, "but someone like Dumbledore has rather a lot of responsibilities, he wouldn't have time."

"Would you stop planning every single step of the way for me?" Harry snapped, "I've got a fucking headache!"

"Mr Potter!" Madam Pomfrey exclaimed, "Language! And you two are agitating instead of calming him. Off you go."

Hermione and Ron left, and Harry continued staring at the ceiling while Madam Pomfrey told him that he would experience withdrawal symptoms over the next two weeks, and that nothing could be done about it.

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	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

A/N: Thank you for your reviews and not being (too) mad at me for deleting _That Special Touch_. I am thinking of making a one-shot out of it instead, with a blind Harry who is living quietly in his own little home after the war with a guide dog. Far from being angered or embittered by his fate, Harry is a cheerful and happy young man who enjoys regular interactions with his friends and "surrogate" family. Harry pays Spinner's End a visit one day to thank Severus for saving his life, and Severus finds himself reluctantly impressed…

Something else: maybe some of you remember _Flawed Lines_ by Diagonalist (one of the wonderful Snarry stories which inspired me to write my own Snarries). The author deleted her account and story (at least, I think that's what happened, and I think it's a her), and I was upset to discover that author and story had vanished from schnoogle as well. I searched relentlessly and managed to find it on a Harry Potter site hosting contests. You can find the link to _Flawed Lines_ on my profile page.

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Severus's eyes blazed dangerously as he glowered at Dumbledore. 

"_Reparo!"_ Dumbledore said calmly, pointing his wand at the teacup, which promptly fixed itself with a faint tinkling sound. Severus bent, picked it up and shoved it onto its saucer.

"I have already agreed to teach Potter-" he fairly spat out the name, "the art of Occlumency, which is, frankly speaking, beyond his limited intellectual capacities. As it is, I am forced to tolerate his useless presence in my Potions class – how you managed to convince me to take him and others with an 'Exceeds Expectations' in their OWLs will always remain a mystery to me – I should have accepted students with only an 'Outstanding' for NEWT Potions…But to come back to the point: duelling lessons with Potter are out of the question, Albus. There is only so much of the brat's presence I can tolerate."

"I asked you to give him Occlumency lessons. Now I am asking you again, Severus. Please give Harry duelling lessons. He has to be prepared. Voldemort has been silent since the fiasco at the Ministry, and that can only mean one thing besides the information you have been hearing at the Death Eater meetings. Voldemort is preparing for war on the wizarding world. And unfortunately, it is up to seventeen-year-old Harry Potter to defeat him in the end. He is definitely less rebellious now, Severus. Time has passed since the last Occlumency lessons. Please give him and yourself another opportunity to at least work together to attain a common goal."

The two wizards stared at each other so intensely that Fawkes, who had been nibbling at a pile of sunflower seeds and had ignored Severus's outbursts, raised his beautiful head and studied them with alert beady eyes. He opened his beak and uttered a single clear note.

Severus leant back and closed his eyes, rubbing his temples for a few seconds.

"Occlumency on Monday evening and duelling lessons on Friday night for Potter," he said flatly.

"Thank you, Severus. I am eternally in your debt," the Headmaster said sincerely.

Severus merely responded with a curl of his lip.

Harry was forced to miss class for the next two weeks. He could not even do his homework because of the ferocity of the withdrawal symptoms. Ron and Hermione were allowed to visit Harry in the evenings. Harry had to spend his days battling withdrawal symptoms which made his whole body, but especially his head, ache. He slept very badly at night and had feverish sweating bouts. A few times, he saw a tall black-robed figure glide into the ward, mostly at night, and give Madam Pomfrey a vial, the contents of which he had to drink along with his supper. Severus Snape was obviously brewing a potion which was necessary for his treatment. His appetite, too, was disrupted. From not being at all hungry he would suddenly experience fits of ravenous hunger. He was relieved that the Potions Master did not approach his bed or even bother to glance in his direction, though Harry suspected that he was probably gloating about his, Harry's, present condition. After all, Severus had mentioned that it was easy to become addicted to Sleeping Potions. Harry had come across the same warning written in a book during his OWL exam revisions. But he had ignored the warnings. And now, lying in the hospital wing, he felt stupid and childish. He knew that if someone else had spoken the same words of caution, then he would have taken them more seriously. But because it had been Severus Snape, whom he mistrusted and hated, he had defiantly chosen to ignore him.

"Thank goodness your bed is next to Harry's, Ron," Hermione murmured as she sat on a chair near the head of his bed. Ron had noticed the first signs of addiction. The stertorous breathing at night, the dilated pupils and faraway look in the green eyes when Harry got up in the morning; and during the day, irritability, snappiness and fits of tiredness. The secret was out when Ron saw Harry hastily stuff a bottle in the top drawer of his bedside table. The signs were so clear that Ron, who was not naturally perceptive, had opened the drawer during Harry's absence to confirm his suspicions. Before he could take Harry to task, Harry had collapsed in Charms the next day, making Flitwick topple down in shock from his pile of books, and triggering a state of general consternation in the classroom which soon spread all over the school. After Hermione and Ron left, Harry had a little dinner, gulped down his potion and went to sleep. Severus soon entered the ward and handed Madam Pomfrey a vial of potion for the next night.

"He is improving," the matron said, "he is sleeping properly for the first time in nights. I hope he can leave in three or four days."

"May I see?" the Potions Master asked. Madam Pomfrey nodded, somewhat surprised that the wizard who hated Harry would want to look at him. He gave her a curt nod of thanks and approached Harry's bed. Harry was lying on his side, hands tucked underneath his chin. His untidy fringe was sticking up, revealing part of the famous scar. He looked like a child in his sleep, his eyelashes deeply black against his pale cheek. Severus placed his palm on Harry's forehead for a moment before walking back to Madam Pomfrey.

"Three days should suffice. His temperature seems stable enough now."

He left the ward, and he was itching to unleash his temper on the youth as soon as possible. He began to flex his long fingers with relish. First, he would upbraid the Potter brat for his idiocy. Then he would give him the…good…news about the extra lessons. And tell him some more unpleasant truths about his idiocy. Finally, he would tell him when and where the lessons would take place, and polish up the information with a last round of observations about the inheritance of idiocy, especially where paternal genes were involved.

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	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3**

Harry was flooded with get-well cards during his two-week stay in the hospital wing. He was also flooded with questions after his release (and a list of warnings recited by a very strict Madam Pomfrey). Harry was used to dealing with the mail and the questions, although he hated it; and he also listened to Madam Pomfrey's lecture with a polite and submissive attitude – he liked the matron and was sorry to give her trouble. But when he received a note from Albus Dumbleodre, telling him that he was to resume Occlumency lessons with Severus _and_ take duelling lessons with the same teacher, he was extremely displeased.

"Look at this!" he spluttered, showing the note to Ron and Hermione in the Gryffindor common room, "as if I don't have enough to do with my studies and duties as Quidditch Captain! _Two _sets of private lessons with Snape!"

"Professor Snape brewed the Potions you had to drink during your stay in the hospital wing," Hermione reminded him, "and it confirms what I have been thinking all this while. You have to master Occlumency, Harry. By all means."

"Why Snape? Why not another teacher?" Harry spat.

"Snape is the best Occlumens around besides Dumbledore. And he's at Hogwarts and an Order member. He's not just anyone."

"And of course Dumbledore won't bother to teach me himself," Harry growled, snatching back the note and crumpling it, "and duelling lessons, too. Plus NEWT Potions…I'm going to go mad!"

"Please don't go mad, mate," Ron said anxiously. There was a heavy silence. Then Harry said softly:

"I was really addicted to that stuff. It was like I couldn't stop…"

"We're your friends, silly," Ron said while Hermione smiled and patted his hand.

"The worst thing was…I'd want and need more of the stuff every week. My body would get used to the Sleeping Potion, and the nightmares would start coming back. So I'd take more…and more…" Harry trailed away, chewing at his lip.

"But now you're fine again, Harry. You were very brave during the withdrawal phase," Hermione said cheerfully.

"I saw the Sleeping Potions in your drawer," Ron confessed, his ears reddening a little, "and I wanted to talk to you, but you broke down the next day."

Harry sighed softly.

"I'm glad I've got friends like the two of you," he said gratefully. Ron grinned and ruffled Harry's hair.

"Hey!" Harry laughed; then he studied the timetable which had come with the note.

"Occlumency on Monday evenings. And duelling lessons on Friday at eight, after dinner."

"At least you won't be duelling on an empty stomach," Ron observed.

"Yeah, well, I hope he won't hex me so that I'll have to vomit what I've eaten," Harry pointed out. Hermione looked at him sternly.

"Professor Snape is not very nice, but-"

"What about the time he called you an 'insufferable know-it-all' or when he ignored the problem with that tooth hex? He's a Muggle-hating bigot," Ron interrupted her coldly.

"He is a rather…harsh man…and it's not as if he's not had anything to do with Muggles, considering his father's heritage."

"Huh?" Ron and Harry both said. Hermione gave them a bossy look.

"You never read, do you? Snape is mentioned in a recent publication on the greatest Potions Masters of the nineteen-nineties. It says that his father was a Muggle and his mother a witch."

"Probably a publication which has been consulted by only you so far, otherwise it would be common knowledge at Hogwarts," Ron commented.

"Anyway it doesn't mean anything, Hermione. Tom Riddle. Muggle father, witch mother. Let's see. He simply loves Muggles and Muggle-borns," Harry said sarcastically.

"Snape is working against Voldemort. If Dumbledore trusts him, then so can the whole school. He has saved your life more than once, Harry. We've discussed this before," Hermione said firmly, "and it would be good if you really made an effort this time, Harry."

"Sure. If he makes an effort as well," Harry replied.

"You can forget about that, mate," Ron said unhelpfully.

"I'm sure the duelling will be interesting. And it's the kind of thing you're really good at, Harry," Hermione encouraged her glum friend.

"Let's go for a ride on our broomsticks, Harry," Ron suggested.

"Yeah. Good idea." Harry leapt to his feet followed his friend out of the room. Ginny, who happened to walk inside the room, caught the last few sentences.

"Boys and broomsticks, you know," she chuckled to Hermione.

"I'm not surprised. Broomsticks are very masculine objects because of their phallic shape," Hermione observed austerely. Ginny burst out laughing.

"I won't tell that to Dean," she chortled. Dean was Ginny's boyfriend and both of them were on the Quidditch team.

"You had better not. We still want Gryffindor to beat Slytherin, don't we?"

"Naturally," Ginny grinned.  
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Harry's first Occlumency lesson arrived, and the young wizard stomped his way down to the dungeons, swearing softly every now and then. In front of Snape's office-door, he squared his shoulders and took a couple of deep calming breaths before knocking.

The door opened, admitting him.

"Ah. Mr Potter," the silky voice of the Potions Master floated over to him, laced with dislike.

"I'm here for my Occlumency lesson. Sir," Harry said dully.

"Obviously, Potter," Severus sneered, detaching himself from a shelf of jars and approaching Harry. The door closed, and Harry found himself staring into Severus's large black eyes.

"My, my, Potter. Sleeping Potion addiction."

He shook his head slowly, as if he had never seen someone as stupid as Harry before. Harry remained silent, hanging on to his control.

"You are just like your father. Arrogant, thinking that you know everything. I don't know how you managed to pass your OWL Potions exam. I don't even know what you are doing in my class if you are so prone to making such brainless mistakes. But I suppose it is hereditary, thanks to your blessed father."

Harry managed not to clench his fists or scream at Severus. He inhaled deeply and said calmly:

"My father may have bullied you, but he was a teenager back then. You're an adult, and you bully children and adolescents! You keep grudges for years. How pathetic is that?"

Severus narrowed his eyes to slits. He moved closer to Harry and stared into the determined green eyes, his haughty hooked nose nearly touching Harry's.

"I will not tolerate your tone and rude behaviour, you foolish little brat."

"Why, thank you for the compliment, sir." Harry intoned the last word with as much loathing as possible.

They stared at each other in wrathful silence. Then Severus stepped away and pointed to a chair.

"Having exchanged the pleasantries, you might as well warm up that chair," he hissed.

Harry sat down, knowing what was coming. He drew out his wand.

"Did I tell you to draw out your wand, Potter?" Severus asked icily.

"You did not. Sir."

"Put it away."

Harry obeyed.

"Take out your wand, Potter."

Gritting his teeth, Harry took out his wand again.

"So. And now, let's see how much you have forgotten from your fifth year. However, I doubt that you have forgotten anything. After all, you did not learn anything, did you, Mr Potter? Briefly: what is there to forget?"

Harry knew that he actually owed Severus an apology for breaching his privacy and invading the Pensieve; but he was too angry and humiliated to force himself to say the apology.

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	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4**

Severus drew out his own wand, running his index finger lazily down the piece of polished wood, sneering as he did so.

"The Headmaster has allowed me to use his Pensieve again. Should you venture near it in my presence…or absence, then I shall be…very…displeased…if you care to recall. Prepare yourself. I am going to access your mind."

Harry tried not to tense in his chair. He knew that he had to make his mind go empty, that he was not supposed to think of anything… "Legilimens!" Severus said. Harry snapped out of his chair and stepped away, breaking their eye contact and thus avoiding the direct path of the spell. The expression on Severus's face was thunderous. 

"What was that supposed to be, Potter?" he wanted to know, his eyes narrowing ominously.

"Didn't you say – in my fifth year – that I was allowed to defend myself in any way I could think of, sir? It was simply an evasive manoeuvre," Harry replied tranquilly.

Severus was livid with rage.

"You impudent whelp!" he hissed, his hand twitching as if he wanted to hit Harry or seize him by the collar of his robes.

"I can't learn anything substantial if you are going to insult me," Harry stated.

"Insult? You breached my privacy last time by invading the Pensieve!" Severus snarled. "Now _that_ is an insult, Potter!"

"And I would have apologised if you hadn't started picking on me-"

"I have had enough of your tantrums," the Potions Master interrupted him icily, seizing Harry's arm, guiding him back to the chair and stuffing him into it.

"A sincere and heartfelt apology from _you_, Mr Potter? Are you sure that your overwhelming enthusiasm for Occlumency has not addled whatever brains you possess? Your father and Black would be extremely appalled…"

"If you are expecting floods of remorse for what my father and godfather did to you then I have to disappoint you," Harry said angrily, "because I am not James Potter or Sirius Black, and I can't apologise for their mistakes. I can only apologise for what I did. For invading your privacy."

They stared into each other's eyes.

"You deserve to be punished for your little trip in the Pensieve," Severus said finally.

"I was punished enough by what I saw," Harry informed Severus, who stared into the green eyes with smouldering hatred.

"I want you to give me three of your worst memories," he said softly, "and put them in the Pensieve." He gestured at the designated item with an elegant gesture of his slender hand, "and I shall choose one at random and…inspect it."

"And in return you will focus on teaching me rather than hating me? Sir?" Harry asked.

"My, my. Someone seems to enjoying doing business," Severus said mockingly, "how very unGryffindor of you, Potter."

"Isn't it always quid pro quo with you?" Harry said boldly.

"Your memories, Potter. Three memories."

"If you will kindly refrain from teaching me how much you hate me in the future, sir. I am only too well acquainted with that piece of information."

"We shall see. Now stop wasting my time and go over to that Pensieve if you are so eager to live up to the principle of Gryffindor nobility."

Harry went over to the Pensieve. He thought for a few moments and finally pressed the tip of his wand to his temple and drew out one memory…

_He was being mobbed by the Dursleys as usual. Aunt Marge was making horrid remarks about his parents, and later that same day, at school, Dudley and his gang were Harry-hunting…_

Harry transferred the memory carefully to the Pensieve while Severus watched on coldly.

Harry thought of his second memory…

_Sirius falling through the veil…_

The silver thread joined its fellow in the stone basin. And now the third memory…He had many bad ones, how ironic to have a wide range to choose from…And what kind of a twisted "kindness" of Severus to allow him choose three memories in the first place when he was going to invade Harry's mind anyway…

_Harry learning about the unpleasant side of his father. Learning that his father had been a bully as a teenager. Severus had been unpleasant, all right, but he had not done anything to provoke James Potter into starting on him…_

With the softest of sighs, Harry led the memory fall into the Pensieve. He stepped back, and Severus moved forwards with a nearly predatory air, ignoring the youth. He bent over the Pensieve; there was a flash, and the tall figure of the wizard vanished. His wand was on the desk. Harry looked at it curiously. He knew that there was a connection between a wizard's or witch's height and the length of his or her wand. Would he be breaching Severus's privacy again by picking it up for a closer look? It was only a wand – a powerful tool, but something every witch and wizard had…but at the same time as individual as its owner…therefore it was private. Harry refrained from touching the wand and prudently studied it with his eyes only. The wand was long and slender, black as its owner's hair and eyes. Severus's hair had grown long, now reaching just above the small of his back, and its oddly healthy appearance – since last Christmas – contrasted with the thinness and harshness of the cynical face. Harry looked around, wondering which memory Severus was currently viewing. It was not long belong another flash from the Pensieve illuminated the dark room. Severus reappeared. His face did not reveal any emotion.

"Take back your memories," he said. Harry obeyed. When he turned back to Severus, he discovered that the Potions Master only seemed angrier than ever.

"Your impudence knows no limits," he hissed, "using a memory of _my_ memory, the memory you breached!"

"You saw your own memory, and yes, you saw my memory of it, sir. But it is a bad memory because…"

"Because what?" Severus spat.

"Because it disillusioned me about my father," Harry said with complete frankness, surprising even himself, "and because I underwent something similar before I came to Hogwarts."

Severus was silent for a few moments, then managed to find a way to twist Harry's words into a further reason to hate the youth.

"It is always about _you_, isn't it, Potter? I this, I that, me this, me that! Return to your chair – you have wasted enough of my time."

Resigned, Harry did as he was told.

When he left the office, his head was pounding with a fierce headache. Severus had turned the full blast of Legilimency on him, and he, Harry, had been unable to form a mental shield against the aggressive invasion. He had not practised for a rather long time, after all…and he had never even mastered it in the first place. Groaning, he rubbed at his forehead. The scar was prickling unpleasantly.

"Harry!" Hermione exclaimed as he dragged himself into the common room.

"Shit, I think Snape really dissected you," Ron said as Harry collapsed into the nearest armchair.

"Whenever I think that he can't hate me more than before, I soon realise how badly I'm mistaken. He absolutely loathes me…" Harry said tiredly and summed up the lesson for them.

"It was a very decent thing of you to allow him to see one of your memories, Harry," Hermione commented. Ron, however, simply shuddered.

"Yeah, well, he didn't exactly see it that way," Harry muttered.

"I'll tell you what," Ron said, picking up a pawn from a chess set, "that bat needs to get laid. Then he'd feel better."

"Ron!" Hermione exclaimed while Harry laughed.

"Hey, the effects of sexual frustration-"

"All you ever think about, Ronald, is eating, Quidditch and Veelas," Hermione said haughtily.

"You'd master Occlumency in no time at all, Hermione," Harry said, "because I just can't figure it out."

Hermione chewed at her lip.

"There must be a way for you to at least achieve that mind-emptying effect," she said, gesturing at a volume called _Mind Magic: On Legilimency and Occlumency_.

"Professor Snape did not give you anything to read on Occlumency, did he?"

"No. He just explained what it was about, but not in a very approachable manner."

"And he didn't give you any reading material this time either."

Harry shook his head.

"Nope."

"Hm, he prefers a purely practical approach. He is rather bookish, but I guess he thinks…" she gave Harry an apologetic look, "that recommending a book on Occlumency for you would be useless since he's determined to think that it's above your intellectual capacities."

"It is," Harry muttered.

"No, it's not," Hermione snapped. "You can resist the Imperius Curse, and you told me that Snape said that you need similar powers for Occlumency. There is a way of emptying one's mind; it's quite spiritual, and-"

"I know what that is, it's medication," Ron said triumphantly.

"Meditation," Hermione corrected him, her mouth twitching slightly.

"Slip of the tongue," Ron said grumpily.

"Well, it would be worth a try."

"I can't possibly empty my mind! It's too stuffed with all the things I've got floating till right up here!" Harry said, gesturing at the ceiling.

Hermione, however, didn't look beaten. In fact, she looked as if another idea had occurred to her. 

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	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5**

A/N:  
Someone asked me (in the previous story, though) if I have a beta reader: no, I don't have one; I proofread my own stuff, especially because I am always changing stuff and re-editing what I have written. Since I proofread rather quickly, I don't catch all the errors and usually have to take a small break (which I do after posting the chapter) and then get back to it in order to correct the mistakes or modify stylistic elements (so I replace the chapter document).

Finally, I have introduced separators (---) in order to separate abrupt changes of settings. I have seen this in other stories and some of you told me that it is confusing when the paragraphs switch settings/scenes without warning.

---

"If your mind is overflowing with things which are weighing you down, then maybe you should write all of it down in a diary," Hermione suggested.

"Hermione, the last time I fiddled around with a diary was a rather disagreeable experience," Harry reminded her, referring to Tom Riddle's diary in his second year at Hogwarts.

"To say nothing of Trelawney's dream diaries," Ron added with a snicker.

"Harry, I think it would really help. This would be _your_ diary, after all," Hermione pointed out logically, "set five or ten minutes aside to filter your mind, sort of. If you go for Occlumency lessons boiling over with emotions, then you're never…I mean, then it will be far more difficult for you to master Occlumency."

"Diary…that sounds so…kitschy, like in novels or something," Ron observed.

"I wouldn't expect someone as thoughtless and tactless as you to understand," Hermione silenced him frigidly, "both Muggles and magical people have got their own famous diarists."

Ron reddened and studied his feet.

"I'm not much of a, you know, writer," Harry said.

"Are you trying to be silly?" Hermione asked exasperatedly. "No one has to be an author or writer to use a diary. You're simply searching for lame excuses to avoid writing a diary. It's just a suggestion, Harry. No one is forcing you. It's just…it would be more efficient than meditation – you'd need a quiet place and a teacher to learn how to meditate, and that's rather difficult at the moment. Just try and empty your mind when you're in bed. That's the best thing."

"Wonder if Snape meditates. I doubt very much. Can't imagine that git meditating," Ron speculated.

"There is not much _you_ can imagine," Hermione said scathingly.

"Do you always have to nag at people just because you know everything better?" Ron sniped.

Harry sighed and rose as his friends began to bicker, heading towards his dormitory. He did not bother with trying to empty his mind; instead, he wondered about his duelling lesson on coming Friday. And there was still the usual Potions class before that.

---

Potions was bad, with Severus prowling around Harry's cauldron and successfully distracting him, resulting in a substance smelling strongly of tar and then of old socks. Severus deducted fifteen points for the stench and for Harry's "idiocy", as he put it, and Harry was left without a potion to hand in when the lesson had finished, earning himself zero marks. Hermione said to him afterwards:

"That's what I mean, Harry! You've got to filter your feelings somehow! You need it because you're taking Occlumency lessons and because you've gone through much more than others have-"

"Oh, stop telling me what I need and don't need!" Harry snapped angrily, "I am expected to make all the effort while that stupid git doesn't have to work his ass off trying to be at least remotely civil!" He walked away from Ron and her quickly.

"Give him a break, 'Mione, otherwise he'll flip out like in our fifth year."

"I'm sure it's still the after-effects of the Sleeping Potion addiction. Two weeks were enough to get rid of the physical symptoms, but it's going to take a lot longer than that where psychology is concerned. He was ingesting the stuff for two months, after all!" Hermione said.

"I know what you mean, and I'm keeping an eye on him in case he tries to get his hands on that Sleeping Potion again…"

"It was really rather sly of him to buy a whole stock of the stuff in Hogsmeade without us knowing…"

"He was desperate," Ron said.

"Well, I'm getting desperate, too! I hate seeing him like this. He's just got to handle his emotions somehow! What did you feel like when Harry chose a Potion over telling his friends about his nightmares, Ron?"

"He didn't want to bother us, Hermione. You know what he's like. We've often had to pull things out of him."

"If anything's ever bothering you, Ron, then you mustn't hide it from me," Hermione said earnestly, looking into Ron's blue eyes. Ron's ears became a bit red as he nodded and patted her on the arm a little awkwardly. Hermione's face cleared and she smiled at him.

Ron cleared his throat.

"Want to have a coffee with me the next time we're in Hogsmeade?"

"You mean, with Harry? He'll be coming with us."

"No. Just the two of us," Ron said, becoming interestingly crimson.

Hermione beamed.

"Certainly. Harry won't mind."

"I don't think he'll mind at all," Ron agreed.

---

"I was wondering when you'd ask her," Harry smiled when Ron told him the news in their dormitory, "of course I don't mind."

He gave Ron a brotherly hug. Ron returned the hug, and his eyes darted over to Harry's drawer. Harry caught the glance.

"It's okay, Ron. It's just…these nightmares…they're back again without the potion…"

"'Mione's right, Harry. You've got to pull the brake whenever your emotions threaten to overflow. I suppose Snape wants you to do your own bit outside the lessons as well."

Harry pulled up his knees and embraced them.

"Yeah. Guess so. I'll get a diary the next time I'm in Hogsmeade. I know what the first entry will be. _Ron finally asked Hermione out_…"

"Ah, shut up," Ron laughed.

---

Harry was greeted by a sneer of disdain as he stepped into Severus's office for his duelling lesson.

"Stop gawping at me like a fish," Severus barked as Harry replayed the conversations with his friends in his mind, trying to remember something encouraging.

"Sorry, sir. I was just thinking."

"Ah. Thinking. I was not aware of the fact that you could think, Potter." The Head of Slytherin cast a protective spell on their surrounding, probably to avoid any damage during their imminent duel.

"Cogito, ergo sum," Harry said, remembering Hermione quoting Descartes not so long ago.

"I see that Miss Granger has been coaching you," Severus observed acidly, "there will be no need of sitting down for this lesson, Potter. Draw out your wand. Let's see what you are capable – or incapable – of doing. This time, it is one to one, not two or more to one. Your father believed in the latter strategy, didn't he?" He smirked.

Harry drew out his wand, swallowing down his anger.

"Now, as you probably know, you have to bow to the other person. This is most unfortunate in our case, especially for me, Potter, but we have to follow duelling etiquette."

When do _you_ ever follow any etiquette? Harry thought contemptuously. He bowed stiffly.

"No. You do not bow like a scarecrow on a pole, Potter," Severus drawled. He himself bowed, his body flexing gracefully.

"Repeat the bow."

Harry repeated it reluctantly. Severus's lip curled.

"It will have to do for now," he commented disapprovingly. "We will begin with verbal spells."

He turned his back on Harry and walked a few paces before suddenly rounding on his opponent, uttering:

"_Expelliarmus!"_

"_Protego!"_ Harry bellowed, and his Shield Charm absorbed the spell just before it could reach him. He thought of Dumbledore's Army with relief and also thanked the fact that the real Alastor Moody had accepted to take the DADA post during his sixth year while Kingsley Shacklebolt was in charge of the class this year.

Severus retaliated without delay by aiming another spell at him, which Harry avoided by ducking.

"Where is your attacking spirit, Potter? Defense and avoidance are insufficient protection," Severus said.

Harry did not respond, watching Severus carefully out of narrowed green eyes, on the qui vive for another unexpected attack.

"Worried about your famous little backside, Potter? Afraid of being late for your next interview?" Severus mocked him.

"Stop insulting me!" Harry shouted.

"Lower your voice, Potter. Do you expect a flow of polite small talk during a duel?"

He moved forwards and placed the tip of his wand underneath Harry's chin.

"Have you mistaken your wand for a quill so you can sign autographs?" Severus asked in a silky whisper.

"Stop it!" Harry said, thrusting Severus's wand aside, "stop being such an…"

"Such an…?"

Harry was silent.

"I am waiting, Potter. Such an…? Come now, I am sure I can help you narrow down your range of insults, since, to judge from the use of your indefinite article, the insult starts with a vowel."

"Look, can we just continue-" Harry broke off and gasped as he suddenly found himself hoisted upside down in the air.

"Now, my dear Potter, what does it feel like to be at the receiving end of such a pleasant spell?" Severus hissed. There was a thud, and Harry fell onto the stone floor. Harry scrambled to his feet.

"_I_ didn't use that curse! It was my father, not me!" he yelled.

"He stole it from me, Potter. It was my spell. I invented it. Your father…" he approached Harry, "was nothing more than a…thief."

Harry tried to use a non-verbal curse on Severus, but the Slytherin laughed and used a Shield Charm.

"Oh, how easily you are provoked, Potter! You will never win a duel like this! If it hadn't been for your wand and the Dark Lord's wand sharing the same core, then you would never have escaped from that battle alive!"

The mocking laughter stabbed at Harry, and he turned towards the door to leave the office. The door clicked as Severus locked it with a spell.

"Your lesson is not yet over, Potter."

He caught Harry with a perfectly aimed Jelly-Legs Jinx.

"One good hex will finish you off. Interesting," Severus said lazily.

"Please stop it, sir," Harry said, leaning against the wall as his legs went out of control.

"Asking or begging your opponent to stop the duel will definitely not work," Severus remarked coldly.

"You are not teaching me, you're just trying to humiliate me because you've transferred all your hate from my father to me, because you're so stuck in the past that-"

"_Silencio."_

Harry was silenced in mid-sentence. Severus strolled towards him, sneering.

"One of the golden rules of defensive spellwork is: control your emotions. You cannot do it when it comes to Occlumency. Obviously, you are a failure when it comes to duelling as well. Now why don't you, ah, potter off to your dormitory? _Finite Incantatem._ Remove your intolerable presence from my sight."

Harry got out of Severus's office as quickly as he could, but not before catching the look of gloating triumph on his teacher's thin face. He ran all the way up to the seventh floor and burst into the common room. Hermione and Ron were waiting for him.

"Harry! What happened?"

Harry shook his head wordlessly, suddenly aware of the tears on his face.

---


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER 6**

A/N: I am so relieved that you have accepted this story in the stead of _That Special Touch _and have given it (and me) a chance :-) Thank you very much for all the wonderful comments!

Like in my precedent stories, Harry practises an "art" in this story as well. He carves figures out of wood in his free time. It is an important point/signature mark in all my Snarry stories that Harry has a creative streak and that Severus recognises it sooner or later (mostly later). The film _Basic Instinct_ belongs to Paul Verhoeven (don't worry, it is simply parodied in this chapter – no actual role-playing!!!).

---

Harry mopped the sweat and tears from his face with a paper handkerchief wordlessly produced by Ron. Then he told them how Severus had humiliated him, finally using the spell which had hoisted him upside-down by the ankle in mid-air.

"At least you were wearing jeans underneath your robes, mate," Ron said, trying to cheer Harry up.

"Yeah…at least that. But it's insane how he thinks I'm my father…He's so determined to make life difficult for others that he makes it difficult for himself."

Hermione nodded.

"Yes. I think that he is very insecure – you told me that you saw his parents yelling at each other in a memory…"

"It's no excuse to treat Harry like shit. Look at Harry himself, growing up with those awful Dursleys. Is he as horrid as Snape? No! He's one of the nicest people around!" Ron flared. Harry smiled at him.

"Thanks, Ron."

"I suppose Snape dealt with it rather differently," Hermione answered.

"If you ask me, he never dealt with it at all," Harry concluded. "Anyway, I think I've just got to let these thoughts and feelings out of my system. I can't go riding around on my broom whenever I feel like it…"

"Snape provokes you so that he has a reason to be nasty to you, Harry."

Harry rubbed his forehead with his hand.

"I know. I'm always telling myself to be calm, but I just…lose it…And I don't understand why Dumbledore is so insistent on forcing us together. Snape spends his lessons bullying me instead of teaching me."

"You ought go and see Dumbledore about this. Snape is not being paid to bully you. It's abusive behaviour," Ron said.

The three friends spent some time talking about Snape and whether Harry should complain to Dumbledore about his behaviour.

"Look, he seems to think that you won't go to Dumbledore and complain. Otherwise he wouldn't think that he can afford to behave like that towards you," Ron observed, "and maybe he's got a kind of contract with Dumbledore. Like, 'I'll fight for you if I may torture the students'."

Harry laughed a little.

"Sounds quite likely, actually."

"But I still think that what Snape needs is the fuck of the century," Ron added.

Hermione rolled her eyes.

"You got that last part from the movie _Basic Instinct_, didn't you?" she said.

"_You_'ve seen it?" Ron asked, staring at her with rather wide eyes.

"Who hasn't? It's a milestone of Muggle cinema," Hermione said matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, well, maybe I could go into that git's office without underwear, hike my robes up to my thighs, sit down on the chair and pull off that infamous leg-uncrossing scene," Harry said dryly.

Ron burst out laughing, and Hermione, too, grinned.

"He'd probably hex your balls off, mate," Ron spluttered.

"Okay, enough of the dirty talk. Harry, you look like you could use a shower and a good night's sleep," Hermione said bossily.

A shadow passed over Harry's face.

"The blasted nightmares are back."

"Do you do anything relaxing before going to sleep?"

"Relaxing? He's completely tense and nervous when he goes to bed," Ron said.

"Wouldn't you be if you knew that you're going to have a bad night?"

They looked each other and all knew that Occlumency was the only solution which could help Harry.

"You like carving, don't you? Why not do that before going to bed? Or play a game with Ron?"

"Not sure if I should be carving anything when I'm as beat as this," Harry said, standing up to go to the bathroom.

---

After his shower, Harry settled down in bed with a small block of wood in his lap and a pamphlet next to him. He was trying to carve a bird. He had been fond of carving all kinds of things out of wood from the age of thirteen and had recently decided to expand his pastime by buying special carving wood and proper tools in Hogsmeade. His worries and nightmares, however, had pushed this pastime in the background. Harry stroked the wood with the palm of his hand, feeling its texture. It was soft wood, and thus easier to carve, especially for a beginner or new amateur. Harry began to shape the wood with a carving knife. Bits of wood fell onto a sheet of paper spread over his lap for this purpose. Ron padded into the room and sat down on Harry's bed, watching closely.

"Is that going to be the head and beak?"

"Yep," Harry said, smiling.

Ron kept him company for a few minutes before going over to his bed. He left his bed-curtains open in order to keep an ear on Harry. Dean, Seamus and Neville were reading through each other's Potions essays in a corner of the dorm. Harry looked up after a while to discover that Ron was already sleeping. He put aside his work and slipped underneath the sheets. The night was thankfully nightmare-free for him, and he slept like a log. The weekend passed smoothly, with everyone finishing their homework, talking and occupying themselves with their favourite pastimes. On Sunday, Harry strolled around outside with Hermione, Ron, Neville, Ginny, Dean and Luna. It was cold, and Christmas was on its way. Harry had started taking the Sleeping Potion two weeks after his arrival at Hogwarts, and he was relieved that he had avoided spending two weeks of withdrawal during the festive season. There was a blanket of snow outside: a snowball-game ensued, followed by a snowman-building competition. Afterwards, Ginny and Luna skated on the iced surface of the Lake – which had been rendered safe thanks to a powerful Unbreakable Charm – while the others discussed some of their school assignments. When they traipsed inside the castle, they caught sight of Severus Snape's back. Ron sprinted outside and returned with a snowball, which he lobbed at the Potions Master.

"Ron, no!" Hermione whispered, horrified, trying to tug him behind a statue. Ron tripped and fell on the floor even as Severus spun around and the snowball caught him on the shoulder. Luna was the only one who did not turn pale as the Head of Slytherin advanced on them with narrowed eyes, brushing off the flakes of snow with utter disdain.

"So," he said, "brave Gryffindors crouching behind a statue. How pathetic."

"I'm in Ravenclaw, Professor," Luna reminded him dreamily. Severus ignored her, his eyes moving from Ron, who had got up in the meantime, to Harry.

"Potter. Petty revenge for my having dealt justly with you during your last lesson?"

"Harry didn't do anything, it was-" Hermione broke off, blushing, realising that she was in danger of landing Ron in detention.

"-me," she gushed out before Severus could say anything. Ron's eyes widened as he looked at her. Severus curled his lip, immediately seeing through Hermione's lie, and looked at Ron.

"Ah. Mr Weasley. Of course. Potter's other sidekick."

Ron said stoutly:

"You've been bullying Harry."

Neville inhaled sharply, and Ginny put a calming hand on his arm.

"Detention for Potter and Weasley. To be served separately. This evening. You, Weasley, will be cleaning cauldrons. And you, Potter, will have the pleasure of cleaning the store cupboard."

"Harry didn't do anything!" a whole lot of voices snapped back at him. Dean was glaring at the teacher, as were Ginny and Neville.

"And it was I who threw the snowball, Professor!" Hermione lied again bravely.

"Detention for you as well, Miss Granger, for lying to me twice during this conversation."

"You are like Bellatrix Lestrange," Neville stated. Everyone looked at him; Severus was white around the nostrils with rage. "You like to torture people, too."

"Detention, Mr Longbottom!" Severus shouted.

"Neville has a very valid point, Professor," Luna chimed in matter-of-factly.

"Detention, Miss Lovegood!"

"You're a bully!" Ginny stormed, and Dean nodded vigorously.

"Detention for Miss Weasley and Mr Thomas – for the whole pack of you!" Severus screamed, looking shockingly deranged.

"What is going on here?" a deep familiar voice said. Albus Dumbledore was walking towards them, eyebrows raised.

Everyone launched into an explanation at the same time.

"One after the other," Dumbledore said. "Well, Severus?"

"Weasley had the audacity to fling a snowball at me, and the rest of the pack-" Severus gestured wildly at the students, "launched insults at me."

"And you, my children? Let's start with you, Mr Weasley."

Dumbledore listened to each of them and nodded.

"It seems that you are in the minority, Severus."

"One against seven," Severus spat.

"I suggest that if you are so intent on punishing them, Severus, then put all of them into detention together in the same room for an hour. That's my last word," he added the last sentence when Severus opened his mouth to protest. The Headmaster gave Harry a small wink and drifted away, humming.

"You will be scrubbing the whole classroom and the cauldrons, all of you," Severus whispered, eyes flashing with hate.

---

Harry could not remember having a better detention. Although supervised by the baleful eye of the Potions Master, it was good to know that he was together with his friends, although he felt rather sorry that they had been roped into the detention because of a snowball. He felt very thankful towards Ron for standing up for him. Ron and Hermione, in the meantime, were exchanging smiles and quick shy looks, both of them silently expressing their appreciation for trying to prevent the other from ending up in detention.

---

Harry knew that his next Occlumency lesson on Monday evening would be very bad indeed. Severus was probably itching to dissect him and insult him; sure enough, when Harry entered the office, he discovered Severus flexing his long fingers, as if in anticipation of the insults he would throw at Harry. Harry was tired and irritable after a long day of lessons and Slytherin remarks in the corridor about his Sleeping Potion addiction. It was a truly awful lesson, with Harry ending up groaning on the floor and clutching at his pounding head while Severus taunted him; and during their second duelling lesson, Severus called him a "stupid little snotnose."

"I thought you were supposed to teach me how to duel magically, not verbally," Harry told Severus, just managing to control his voice with a huge effort. Severus aimed a Full Body Bind Curse at Harry, who absorbed it with a powerful Shield Charm.

"_Confringo!"_ Harry exclaimed. The spell was so strong that it blasted a hole into Severus's desk in spite of the protective charm which the Slytherin had cast on the whole office before Harry's lesson. Severus lowered his wand and stared at the smoking hole. He turned and stared back at Harry.

"Er…_Reparo!_" Harry said, and the hole vanished, leaving a small pockmark on the wooden surface.

"How very _considerate_ of you, Potter," Severus remarked frostily. "Just as arrogant as your father…"

"Stop insulting me and my father!" Harry hissed. "Just stop it!"

"What did I say about controlling your emotions, Potter?"

"How can I do so if you provoke me and insult me all the time?"

"You let yourself be provoked and insulted, Potter."

"You always get personal!"

"Naturally. That is how provocation works, Potter," Severus said in a superior tone, turning his back on Harry and moving away.

"That's a fucking excuse!" Harry observed.

Severus swivelled around suddenly and repeated the Full Body Bind Curse. Harry fell onto the floor. Severus smirked, walked around him once, as if enjoying the sight of James Potter's son lying at his feet, and freed him with a lazy flick of his wand.

"Manners and language, Potter. Now get out of my office."

---


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER 7**

A/N: I'm listening to TONS of music for inspiration…I find that it really helps and influences my writing.

I do not do any wood carving myself (I wish I could, and maybe I'll try it out one day), so I researched a little on the web.

Finally, there is a religious theme in the middle of this chapter. This is only to underline Severus's gloom, disillusionment and lack of faith in himself and others, and is not in the least connected or concerned with a scheme of having Severus undergo a religious epiphany at a later stage :-)

---

Harry was sitting at a table in the Gryffindor common room, carving his block of wood. His hand was tense from holding the knife for so long. He loosened his grip. He was feeling happy, absorbed in what he was doing. He was not always a patient person, but it was precisely the slow development which pleased him when it came to wood carving. It was something worth his time and creativity. He put the knife away and stood up, stretching a little. It was a Hogsmeade weekend; Harry had gone down to Hogsmeade only briefly, buying some more wood carving material and a fat diary. Ron and Hermione were still in Hogsmeade, probably enjoying their coffee and shopping together. Harry grinned at the thought and went to the bathroom to wash his hands, flexing his fingers under the flow of water to relax them. His motions reminded him of Severus Snape; the Potions Master had a tendency to flex his fingers when he was particularly restless or angry. Harry stopped grinning, dried his hands and went over to his bed, where the new diary was lying. He fetched a quill and some ink and sat down on the floor, leaning his back against his bed. He opened the diary and thought for a few moments. He scribbled his name on the first page. He flipped it over and wrote the date as the header of his first entry. He chewed on his lip and started writing. His sentences were short and clipped at first. He mentioned that Ron and Hermione were currently in Hogsmeade, hopefully enjoying their date. He wrote about school. About Occlumency and duelling. About Severus Snape. The sentences became longer and his writing untidier as the anger welled up in him. Finally, he snapped the diary closed.

"Not bad at all. Good idea, 'Mione," he muttered, amazed that he had managed to keep so much bottled up inside himself. He could not tell his friends every insult, every emotion, every thought after all. His hand was aching with carving and writing.

Later that evening, he wrote some more, setting down a rough summary of seven years of hostility between Severus and himself on paper. He noticed that he was less angry and irritated when he snuggled into the sheets and closed his eyes. Unfortunately, a nightmare woke him up in the middle of the night; but he was aware of having tried to resist or block it out; only incomplete chunks of torture and vague images remained instead of whole detailed scenes. It was still very unpleasant, however, and Harry knew that he had to by all means master Occlumency if he wanted to ward off the nightmares and Voldemort's ruthless exploitation of their link via his scar.

---

"_Alohomora."_

The door of the small Catholic church in Hogsmeade clicked open, and Severus Snape entered, his hair moist from the slight drizzle outside. The Saturday night was cold. Severus's face was very pale, nearly floating in the dimness of the church. He saw the altar and tabernacle from afar, and his eyes narrowed. He pointedly ignored the silvery basin of Holy Water; the only sign he gave of noticing it was a characteristic curl of his lip. On the right side, votive candles were flickering softly. There were pictures of saints here and there. Severus's black eyes swept impassively over the pews.

"_Witchcraft is a sin!" Tobias Snape had snarled at his wife Eileen Prince. "I have married a witch!" _

_Small Severus, watching his parents fight, his eyes wide and frightened. His father pointing at him, revulsion in his face. _

"_And this little freak is like you!"_

Severus jerked his head, as if trying to shake off the memories. He drew out his wand.

"What!" he whispered, but his voice was perfectly audible in the echoing room. "No one to strike me down? No vengeful flash of lightning?"

He climbed up the stairs leading to the altar. He approached the tabernacle, and his eyes were haunted; angry; confused. His wand twitched. He had often wished to blast it open, to fling the bread and wine all over the floor, to watch the round wafers drown in a river of blood. With an abrupt movement, he turned and strode towards the stand of votive candles.

"_Aguamenti!"_

The candles were doused with a jet of water; they went out without a sound, and the corner where the stand stood seemed to be swallowed up by the shadows, by his hatred.

"Thank you," he said with a mirthless laugh, "thank you for your generous blessings, oh Lord."

Beats of silence, then he continued in his soft voice, sounding nearly seductive:

"Why waste prayers, candles, water and a whole building? Where are your miracles? Do you need a wand, perhaps?"

He uttered another laugh.

"Thank you, oh Lord, Lord Voldemort."

He stared at the little bust of Mary and her baby.

_His mother making it clear every day that she wished he had never been born. Making it clear through her silence, the dead look in her eyes, her body language. Always making sure never to touch him. His father touched him from time to time. To slap him or push him away. _

For a moment, he imagined Mary to have green eyes and her baby a scar on his forehead...

He sank down onto his knees.

"I confess to almighty God, and to you, my brothers and sisters, that I have sinned exceedingly in thought, word, deed, and omission: through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault," Severus said the words which had been hammered into his mind. "Yes, always my fault. And what good is my confession? What good?" He yelled out the last question. His hunched black-cloaked body was a forlorn rag on the floor of the church. The minutes ticked past. At last he got up and left the church, locking it again. He turned his head to look at it, and he seemed like a child in the gentle drizzle, his faith in everything and everyone, most of all in himself, shredded to tatters, his past and future hopes dashed, his life drowning a little more everyday, its spark suffocating like he had extinguished the candles in the church; and then he was an adult who had never had a childhood. His face resumed its harsh expression. When he returned to Hogwarts, he would head for the sanctity of his dungeons to brew potions. How easy it was to collect, combine and unify the ingredients while his life was always being dissected and sliced apart every day. But he was not yet ready to go back to the school. He sighed, checked to see whether the coast was clear and Disapparated. He Apparated in front of a Muggle bar. Sometimes, the longing for some kind of intimacy, for living out his asphyxiated dust-coated sexuality was so bad that he couldn't sleep at night. He would probably need to indulge in paid services tonight. No one in their right mind would sleep with him on a level of equality or consensus. He wrapped his cloak around his figure, searching listlessly for a man to provide him with some type of human contact, even if it was a travesty of what he actually he wanted. He felt for the box of condoms in his pocket and slid inside the noisy place like a shadow, knowing that he would feel alive in a short while – only to feel deader than ever afterwards.

---

Harry ate breakfast hungrily on Sunday morning. He looked at the staff table. The Potions Master was eating little, as usual; Harry caught his eye and had to avert his gaze; Severus shot him a smouldering look of absolute loathing. Harry looked at Ron. His friend, too, was eating little, pushing his food around. It was the same with Hermione. They weren't talking to each other. Ron had come back from his date with Hermione looking sour. He told Harry that he would enlighten him after breakfast on Sunday. Harry waited.

---


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER 8**

A/N: In this chapter, there are references in the domain of relationships which are based on book 6 :-)  
Impatient mental patient: thank you very much for pointing out the continuity error with Galleons in a Muggle bar :-) The mistake has been corrected.

---

Ron jabbed at a piece of bacon, stuffed it into his mouth and shoved his breakfast plate away. He gave Harry a significant okay-I'm-ready-to-tell-you-what-happened look and stood up. Harry got up, raised an apologetic eyebrow at Hermione, who speared a piece of sausage with unnecessary violence, and followed Ron out of the hall.

"It was a fiasco," Ron said after a minute of silent walking, or rather, stamping on his part.

Harry shook his head questioningly.

"Krum was there," Ron growled, "and Hermione asked him if he would like to join us at our table. He said yes."

"Krum was there?"

"Yeah. Quidditch match in London. Team's been accommodated in Hogsmeade. He was having a drink in _The Three Broomsticks_."

"Ron…Krum is only a good friend of Hermione's."

"Good friend?" Ron, who was already tall, seemed to tower with dented pride.

"They were talking to each other and I was just sitting there like a stoned goblin!"

Harry suspected that Ron had actually retreated from the conversation himself because of jealousy.

"And afterwards, Hermione accused me of being grouchy and stuff." His ears reddened with embarrassment.

"Ron, mate, Hermione likes you. I guess that when you…er…got quiet during the conversation, she actually wanted you to sort of override Krum and get back her attention."

Ron groaned.

"You are so lucky you're gay, Harry. You don't have to worry about how girls tick."

Harry laughed.

"Lucky? I have the feeling that I'm the only gay guy in this school…At least, the only guy who has come out."

"Any bloke you fancy?"

Harry shook his head.

"Nope."

"Choosy, eh?"

"Hey, even if I did find a bloke, I wouldn't know whether he's gay or not."

"What about this so-called gaydar thing?"

"Still needs to be fine-tuned, I guess. Hasn't had much opportunity to be in action. Now about Hermione, Ron. How about asking her out again or something?"

"That won't work, mate. We…had a bit of a tough conversation on our way back to Hogsmeade."

"You quarrelled?" Harry asked directly.

"Yes, she said that I shouldn't have asked her out if I didn't mean it. I told her that I did mean it and that she was getting worked up about nothing. She said that Krum knew how to behave like a gentleman." Ron snorted bitterly and kicked the wall.

"Ron, just let a few days pass and talk things over with her. Just tell her you like her. How long do you want to keep dragging this on?"

Ron went scarlet.

"Tell her I like her? I can't possibly do that, Harry."

"Well, find another way to tell her. Just…make it clear to her, Ron."

"Who says she'll have me?" Ron muttered, staring at the floor.

"I say so, Ron," Harry said steadily, patting his friend's arm, "because she cares for you."

"As a friend."

"I'm sure it's more than that, Ron."

"Yeah, well, I'll see. I'll follow your suggestion and let things settle down for two or three days."

But that evening, it was with a sinking feeling that Harry watched Ron strike up a conversation with Lavender Brown. Hermione's face fell and she got up to go to the girls' dormitory.

"Hermione, please wait," Harry said softly, wondering why his two friends had to be so obtuse.

"What is it, Harry?" she asked him tersely, clutching a book to her chest.

"Ron told me about your date."

"Oh," Hermione said glacially, casting a withering look at the red hair sticking over the upper edge of the sofa.

"'Mione, Ron likes you very much. He's just jealous of Krum, and he's insecure because of his older brothers, and Ginny being the only girl after generations and rows of boys, because of me and my fucking fame…"

Hermione didn't say anything, but her eyes softened.

"You're going right back there, 'Mione, and you're going to join the conversation."

"I can't do that, Harry!"

"You will," Harry said grimly, taking the book from her and steering her away from the staircase to her dormitory, "because you and Ron are meant for each other and it's perfectly obvious to me."

Hermione blushed deeply.

"Harry, I-"

"Go. Do what Ron should have done during your date."

Hermione looked confused.

"Come on, know-it-all," Harry said affectionately, giving her a brotherly hug, "you know what I mean. Ron was too, you know, resigned to get back into the conversation between you and Krum…"

She smiled at him.

"You're so sweet, Harry." She squared her shoulders and marched towards the sofa. Harry crossed his fingers and went up to his dormitory to work on his wooden bird. He picked up a knife with a V-shaped blade in order to carve the feathers. The butternut wood was soft and easy to carve, and of a warm brown shade. It was easy to forget that he had Occlumency the next evening…

When Ron joined him in the dormitory, Harry put aside the bird, which he hoped would be over in eight or ten days. To Harry's consternation, Ron was looking rather disgruntled.

"Hermione just barged in on our conversation. Chased Lavender away," he said. Harry gritted his teeth.

"For Merlin's sake, Ron, just _kiss_ her!"

"What? But…I mean…I can't…She would-"

"I think action might achieve better results than words in this case," Harry said.

"You really think so?"

"Yes, I do!" Harry exclaimed, waving his chisel in Ron's face.

"Er…Okay," Ron said, eyeing the chisel anxiously.

---

Severus's mouth was a thin steely line as he waited for Harry to appear for his Occlumency lesson. He could still feel the hustler's body underneath him. The sordid exchange of money when it was over. The hustler looking at him with a gaze which clearly said that the only way people would ever sleep with Severus Snape would be for the sake of money. Severus did not blame him in the least. The man had been very honest, counting the money and holding out his palm.

"You've given me more than you owe me."

Severus had stared at him, wondering how he could afford to be honest when he was doing the work he did.

"Keep it. Your life's challenging enough," he had muttered.

The man had shrugged.

"Thanks. You get used to it. You've got to."

And back in the dungeons, Severus realised how used to the dungeons he was. How used he was to being a hermit, giving and receiving hatred.

There was a knock on the door. Severus opened it with a non-verbal spell, and Harry Potter walked inside. Severus noted that the youth's startlingly green eyes seemed to be the only vibrant colour in the room. Potter had grown, he thought. He was not tall – he would never be tall. His stature suited his light build. The young wizard was looking at him warily, waiting for him to say something.

"You need a book to read, Potter. Plunging directly into the subject matter was obviously too much for your cerebral processes to digest. Reading, Potter, will save rather than create a waste of time in your case."

He rose and gave Harry a book.

"Thank you, sir."

Severus's mouth twisted into a sarcastic smile.

"You are learning manners. How admirable."

Harry turned the book over carefully, passing his hand across the old cover and reading the title: _Mastering the Art of Mental Magic._

"You will have read the whole book by next week," Severus said. Harry opened his mouth to protest, but he closed it and nodded.

"I will try. Sir."

"Trying is not enough," Severus said, suspicious about Harry's uncharacteristic compliance. "Please sit over there and start reading book. May I add that I want the book back without the slightest scratch on it."

"That, sir, will be a rather difficult task," Harry observed, looking pointedly at a series of scratches on the cover.

"Without the slightest _additional_ scratch on it," Severus said coldly.

Harry nodded and sat down at the desk which Severus had provided for him. He opened the book carefully. Severus watched him with narrowed eyes before returning to his own desk and grading a stack of Potions essays. The minutes crept past. At the end of the lesson, Severus ordered Harry to close the book.

"I will be asking you questions about this book, Potter. Quite a few questions. Dismissed."

Harry stood up and left the room, holding the book underneath his arm.

---


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER 9**

After his unusual Occlumency lesson, Harry, who was surprised that Severus had made the effort to use another approach to Occlumency for Harry's sake, began to read the book carefully. He was equally surprised to see that the book was written in an understandable manner, without long complicated sentences or unintelligible vocabulary. Hermione beamed at him, pleased to see him working in earnest for a subject and teacher he disliked; on the other hand, she was stiff and cool to Ron, who gave her the cold shoulder as well, and they made sure to sit far apart in their classes – including in Potions. Ron huddled closer to Harry, shooting Hermione a sour glance.

"For heaven's sake, Ron," Harry grumbled underneath his breath, chopping up his Flobberworms briskly. Severus's dark eyes moved in his direction.

"Five points from Gryffindor for whispering in class, Potter," he said silkily. Draco Malfoy, who would usually have smirked, did not show any sign of gloating. The Slytherin was looking pale, anxious and had lost a lot of his smugness. Harry thought he knew why. Draco was of age – old enough to become a Death Eater. And old enough to have his marriage arranged by his family. Of course, some arranged marriages worked and others didn't, just like so-called love marriages; but most of the old Pureblood families, who tended to be deeply steeped in age-old traditions and the like, changed with time and were open-minded and practical about the change of customs and emergence of new ones; they did not involve themselves in such things as arranging marriages; their children, independent and responsible for their own lives, married or did not marry; they lived in domestic partnerships or remained single; it didn't matter as long as they were happy and healthy. But Draco's parents belonged to the conservative type; they recoiled from change, clinging tenaciously to increasingly obsolete traditions and views. Draco was supposed to marry Pansy Parkinson. It was known all over the school; while Lucius had to languish in Azkaban for five months (a fact which aggravated Draco's worries), Narcissa Malfoy had been interviewed in _The Daily Prophet_, and she had proudly revealed the marriage plans for her son to the press. Unfortunately, this intelligence was a novelty for her son as well. While Pansy simpered and put on airs, imagining herself the wife of a wealthy Pureblood, Draco was a lot less enthusiastic. His marks had started to drop – along with his arrogance. No one felt sorry for him. His fellow-Slytherins were more concerned about their own well-being, and the students from the other Houses, of course, had a lot to smirk about. Harry naturally benefited from the absence of Draco's nasty comments after so many years.

While the potions were brewing, Harry searched in his bag for his pestle, which he had forgotten to extract. As Harry dug around in the bag, there was a small thump, and something fell out. Severus narrowed his eyes and picked up the object. It was the bird Harry had just finished carving; all he had to do was the fine-tuning and polishing. Ron had insisted that he show it to the other Gryffindors, but Harry had been embarrassed, insisting that it would be like boasting; Ron, however, had snatched it from the sill of the dorm and passed it around the table at breakfast. Harry had planned to return to Gryffindor Tower before lunch in order to hide the bird away in his dorm; he wanted to do so after breakfast, when everyone trooped off to their houses to brush their teeth and fetch their books, but in the rush of getting ready and trying to locate the cap of his toothpaste ("A Summoning Charm would have saved you the time," Hermione had pointed out logically), he had forgotten to remove it; and now, Severus was holding the bird in his slender fingers.

"What have we got here, Potter?" He studied the bird.

"He carved it, sir," Hermione said, throwing Harry a beseeching look which said, please try to be silent, Harry, otherwise Gryffindor will lose points and you'll end up in detention.

Severus raised a slim eyebrow.

"_You_ made this?" he asked suspiciously, looking at Harry as if he could not believe that Harry was capable of being creative.

"He did, Professor," Hermione said.

Severus gave her a cold look.

"I asked Potter, not you, Miss Granger. Well, Potter? Did you make this bird?"

"Yes, Professor."

Severus moved it around in his hand.

"Who helped you?"

"I did it alone, sir," Harry answered.

"Indeed," Severus said with a sneer. Harry held his gaze steadily.

Everyone else was trying very hard to be absorbed in their potions. Malfoy looked up, but his attention was called off by an ominous bubbling sound from his cauldron.

"Items like this, Potter, have no place in my class. I am confiscating it. Another five points from Gryffindor."

He moved away, still holding the bird. He placed it on his desk.

Ron leant over to Harry.

"Sorry about that, mate."

Harry shrugged.

"I can always carve another bird," he muttered. Hermione gave him a sympathetic look from the other end of the room.

"I thought I told you not to speak in class, Potter. Ten points from Gryffindor."

Malfoy's potion exploded. Severus naturally blamed the Gryffindor who was sitting nearest to Malfoy and deducted more points.

After Potions, Severus slipped into his office with the bird in his hand. He held it before his eyes and studied it critically from all angles. The workmanship was delicate; a few scratches here and there where the knife had slipped unintentionally…but it had been beautifully and carefully wrought by Harry Potter's hands. He tapped the bird with his wand, and it glowed briefly.

"Magical butternut wood," he said to himself. Severus used to speak to himself at length when he was little. He had invented a friend, whom he had simply called My Friend. Then his father had told him that only mad people talked to themselves. Severus had stopped talking to himself until he reached his teens. Since then, Severus had found out that conversing with onself was not at all unusual or abnormal. In fact, many people did it on a regular basis, and not only because they were lonely. Severus considered soliloquies essential for filtering and expressing thoughts. He liked to assess things aloud; it helped him to structure his ideas, conclusions and evaluations. He was not the only one who found self-conversations helpful: Albus Dumbledore liked to talk to himself, especially when he had a lot on his mind – the Headmaster had told him this with perfect frankness and that impossible twinkle in his eyes.

Severus's hooked nose nearly touched the carving.

"Nice beak," he added. Then, realising that it sounded funny, he repeated the comment. He traced his mouth with his index finger and actually smiled without bitterness.

"You're a falcon," Severus stated next. "At least Potter had enough sense to not make a silly little songbird out of you."

He set the figure on the cool marble mantelpiece of the fireplace, still tracing his mouth with his finger. He had to admit that he was surprised. Usually, this happened extremely rarely – mostly when the Headmaster was up to no good for everyone's good, as the wise but roguish wizard put it.

---

When Harry arrived for his duelling lesson a few days later, Severus was waiting for him with the bird on his desk.

"Is this butternut wood, Potter?" Severus said abruptly as soon as Harry stepped inside the office. The green eyes widened a little behind the spectacles.

"Yes – I bought it in Hogsmeade along with the tools," Harry said cautiously, taken aback by Severus's interest in what he thought was a trivial thing.

Severus did not comment. He rose and cast the usual protective spell on his surroundings.

"Last time, Potter, you managed to blast a frankly large hole in my desk in spite of the protective spell. Can you tell me why?"

"Maybe the spell was not very strong because neither of us expected that my Blasting Charm would be that violent," Harry said carefully, avoiding to say directly that Severus's spell had simply not been able to withstand Harry's magic. He was anxious to prevent Severus from interpreting his words in such a way so that he would be able to find a reason to insult Harry.

"Correct. I did not use a fully-fledged charm. As you learnt in your fourth year, magic can be practised in levels. When duelling, Potter, it is to be expected that both combatants will use as much power as they can. This, however, is draining for the caster. You will learn how to vary lower levels and higher levels of spell-casting during a combat; variance, Potter, is a strategy which does not only concern varying spells but how you cast them. If you are a good strategist and tactician, then you will unsettle your rival, and your switching of spells and spell-casting will allow you to recover your power within a matter of seconds. Of course, you also have to know about non-verbal spells. There are ways of recognising how your opponent is going to use a non-verbal spell on you. And I can teach you how to duel with style. Your movements have to be confident… graceful… elegant…"

Severus flicked his wand at Harry with a beguilingly easy grace, and a fireball flashed inches past Harry and was absorbed by the wall. The youth started a little but remained where he was.

"You have to be an actor if you want to be a duellist, Potter, or an Auror, as Professor McGonagall once mentioned. Let us proceed – I have been appallingly loquacious for your sake."

Harry had to try very hard not to stare at the man. Severus was being what he could call extraordinarily and uncharacteristically civil to him; but he could not expect this attitude to remain upright during a duel with the Potions Master.

Later, after an exhausting half-hour, Harry was rubbing soot off his cheek with the drenched sleeve of his robes – Severus was particularly fond of fireballs and water. Severus, in the meantime, was completely unscathed and unruffled, robes clean and unwrinkled, and not a hair out of place. Harry sneezed. Severus ignored the sound.

"Dismissed. I am keeping that block of wood until the next Occlumency lesson," he said curtly to Harry, who had never thought that he would see his falcon again in one piece. He had actually been sure that Severus would use it for his fire.

Severus opened the door for him with a non-verbal spell.

Harry squelched his way out of the dungeons, leaving a trail of water drops on the stone tiles. Severus sniffed haughtily and Vanished them with a careless flick of his ebony wand.

---


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER 10**

A/N:

Fmh: Harry was not thinking of Snape at all when he was carving the falcon. However, the falcon motive is a playful reference to my previous story _Union of Doom_, where Harry's Patronus changes into a falcon after he falls in love with Severus. Harry also ends up with a falcon-shaped scar on his chest when he leaps in front of Severus to protect him from Voldemort's curse.

---

During the next Occlumency lesson, Severus was ready to recompense his lapse in his disagreeable behaviour towards Harry. He asked him a few questions, which Harry answered cautiously.

"You may not have Miss Granger's intellect, Potter, but I expect you to answer more quickly and readily," Severus drawled.

"I'm glad to see that you acknowledge Hermione's cleverness after so many years. Sir," Harry replied boldly, adding the last word after an intentional pause. Severus's mouth thinned.

"You said that you would teach me to duel with style," Harry added quickly.

Severus raised an eyebrow.

"I did. During our duelling lesson."

"Well, striving against external penetration is also a duel," Harry pointed out.

"True. But of a mental type," Severus replied instead of, as Harry had been expecting, unleashing his sarcasm or insulting him or rebuking him for being impudent.

Severus continued:

"Mental duels have to be fought during physical duelling as well, Potter. You have to decide in less than a second which spell you are going to use. Duelling is a delicate combination of intuition and logic; and if you manage not to behave like a complete fool, then there may be a faint spark of hope that you will be able to master this craft. You have to learn to be subtle, Potter. You are not at all subtle. You are like your father and Black – completely unsubtle."

"And my mother – what was she like, sir?" Harry asked coolly; he had noticed that Severus never referred to Lily Potter, the only exception being the memory which he had breached in the Pensieve.

"Enough," Severus said sharply, a slight flush rising to his thin cheeks. "I have wasted enough time and words on you, Potter. Practical Occlumency."

Severus turned his back on Harry and picked up his wand slowly. He turned on his heel with the grace of a dancer, pointing his wand at Harry.

"_Legilimens!"_

Harry had tried to set up his Occlumentic shield even as Severus was walking towards the desk to retrieve his wand; now he felt the shield quiver; it was not strong enough to resist such an invasion, to resist the piercing black eyes drilling into his green ones…the same dark memories and fears were emerging…if only he could find a happy memory, like when producing a Patronus…Occlumency, like Dementors, seemed to focus on dredging up all the unhappy things…

"_EXPECTO PATRONUM!"_ A corporeal stag – the strongest form of the Patronus possible – flashed out of his wand-tip, blinding in its silver glory; and at the same time, a sudden image invaded his mind…Teenage Severus Snape sobbing in a corner of his room…Harry, shaken, managed to produce another spell right after the Patronus Charm:

"_Protego!" _

A Shield Charm separated him from Severus Snape, who was staring at him, his wand lowered; then both stag and protective magic faded as Harry, too, lowered his wand. The two wizards were silent for a few moments.

"You tried to think of positive memories, Potter, which is why you used the Patronus Charm, since it obvously requires a happy memory. While positive memories prevent you from succumbing to the suffocation and loss of control generated by fear, they, too, are not the correct way. You have to let go of _all_ emotions, Potter. All of them. Happy thoughts will expose you as much as unhappy ones. They will be fodder for a Legilimens to twist and distort; and remember, Potter, that an experienced Legilimens does not require a wand and will try reading your mind without your knowledge while maintaining eye contact with you."

Harry felt lost. How could he possibly empty himself of all emotions?

"I…feel too much, I don't know how to let go…what about meditating beforehand?"

He expected Severus to mock him or tell him how stupid he was.

"Meditation…" Severus traced his mouth with his finger. "What do you know about meditation, Potter?"

"Uhm, Hermione told me that if one concentrates on nothing, then emotions leave, your mind becomes empty…"

"If you concentrate on not wanting to think of anything, Potter, then that already is a thought in itself," Severus said coldly, studying Harry, "and there is not enough time for you to learn meditation, although it is something you could definitely use – not only for your lessons with me."

Harry felt strongly tempted to ask whether Severus himself meditated. The Potions Master scrutinised him contemptuously and walked over to the mantelpiece. He took Harry's carved bird and strode back impatiently.

"When you carved this, Potter, what was your state of mind?"

Harry looked confused. Severus sighed.

"Your mood, Potter. Angry? Happy? Sad? Tense?"

"After carving for a few minutes, I would feel…relaxed. Absorbed in what I was doing, but not thinking of anything specific, especially if I had thought beforehand about what kind of details I was going to carve into the wood."

"If you can reach a similar state during Occlumency, Potter, then you should be able to get the infernal hang of mental magic. Another round." Severus placed the bird on his desk and grabbed his wand.

"_Legilimens!"_

And like in his previous sessions, Harry fell on the floor, groaning and gasping. A vein throbbed in Severus's temple.

"OUT!" he bellowed. "NOTHING SEEMS TO WANT TO GO INTO THAT HOLLOW HEAD OF YOURS! OUT! AND TAKE THIS WASTE OF WOOD WITH YOU!"

He flung the bird at Harry, who, thanks to his Quidditch reflexes, managed to catch it against his chest. The young wizard rushed out of Severus's office, slamming the door behind him. Severus collapsed into his chair. He had a horrible headache.

---

"Harry! What happened?" Ginny exclaimed. She was kissing Dean on the sofa near the hearth of the common room when Harry stumbled inside, breathing hard. Hermione and Ron, who were doing their homework, looked up in alarm.

"Snape – threw – me – out," Harry gasped.

"_Again?"_ Hermione exclaimed.

"I…I didn't do anything! It's just…I'm not getting the hang of it and Snape got so fed up that he yelled at me to leave…I'm so…"

His voice suddenly broke, as did his self-control. Ginny and Dean got up and left discreetly, both of them patting Harry on the back as they did so; it was only Ron and Hermione who could help him now.

"That idiot is way too hard on him," Dean muttered, and Ginny nodded sadly; the portrait closed behind them.

Harry simply cried into his hands.

"I don't know what to do, I wish I could get that Sleeping Potion again, the nightmares are back, and Occlumency is beyond me, Voldemort is after us all, and the NEWTS, and…and…"

Ron and Hermione each took his hand and guided him to the sofa, where they sat on either side of him and held him together.

"Harry," Ron said softly, "we're here with you."

"Yes, we're here," Hermione repeated, stroking his hair and encountering Ron's hand. She and Ron both flushed a little in spite of Harry's condition. They continued holding and hugging Harry, waiting until he was more composed.

"Harry, do you remember Dumbledore's Army? The Room of Requirement?" Hermione said at last, her eyes gleaming as an idea occurred to her.

Harry sniffed.

"Yeah, but what-"

"What if we ask the Room of Requirement to turn into a place where we can learn Occlumency and mental magic in general?"

"We?" Harry's head snapped up.

"Of course, mate," Ron said, patting his back.

"But – but – you've got so much to do, both of you-"

"It will be an excellent opportunity for us to practise, too," Hermione said briskly, "and just imagine if Voldemort tried using Occlumency on us, Harry. We're your friends, so he would target us-"

"That's why I don't want you to-"

"Shut up, mate," Ron said gently.

"We'll study with you. I've done plenty of reading on Occlumency during the last weeks, Harry."

Ron shot Hermione an incredulous look.

"How do you find the time, with all the subjects you have?"

"Because I make time for my friends," Hermione said succinctly, "and sometimes, you have to be your own teacher."

Ron handed Harry a paper handkerchief.

"Honk all your frustrations into that like a demented goose," he suggested. Harry laughed; he sounded and felt far more cheerful.

---

"Ron, you're breathing so loudly!"

"I've got to breathe, Hermione."

"Pssst, you two!" Harry hissed from underneath the Invisibility Cloak, the Marauder's Map in his hand to make sure the coast was clear. The trio reached the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy.

"Okay…here we go, then," Ron said. They walked past the blank wall three times, concentrating on a place where they could learn Occlumency and find adequate material…

"Excellent!" Hermione said.

A door had appeared in the wall. The time had come to get even with Severus Snape – in a subtle manner; and yet, when Harry thought of the images of Severus's childhood and adolescence, he felt that he could nearly understand why the man was so cynical.

---


	11. Chapter 11

**CHAPTER 11**  
A/N: Dear all, I am sorry that my chapters are shorter than usual, but I have to study for my MA exams. Towers of books are waiting in the adjoining room. I enjoy writing this story because it relaxes me after studying, but if I have to make the chapters longer just for the sake of length rather than for the sake of the content, then this might end up going the same way as _That Special Touch_. Sorry; and many thanks to those who encourage me with their wonderful reviews – and patience.

---

"Ohhhh, Harry, this is great!" Hermione exclaimed, peeling off the Invisibility Cloak and running up to a shelf of books.

"Impressive stuff," Ron agreed, looking around with wide blue eyes. Harry, too, studied the room eagerly. There were many books and a few pictures of wizards and witches on the wall. To his surprise, he noticed that Albus Dumbledore and Severus Snape had their own portraits.

A banner hung over the pictures.

"_Members of the Guild of Mental Magic," _Harry read out. Ron and Hermione joined him, gazing at the pictures.

"How prestigious," Harry commented dryly, "Occlumency is definitely mental."

Ron snorted with laughter. Hermione turned to Harry and stared at him fixedly.

"Hey, why are you staring at me like that?" Harry asked, puzzled.

"_Legilimens!"_ Hermione said, pulling out her wand and pointing it at Harry.

Harry felt a sharp tug at his mind; then it was gone.

"Did you feel anything?" Hermione asked.

"A kind of a tug at my mind, a bit like a vacuum-cleaner."

"Good, I think I'm getting the hang of Legilimency, I read a book in which it was written that the other person is supposed to feel a tugging sensation in the beginning…and if I can see just a faint haze of your memories, then it will be enough for some basic training…"

Both Harry and Ron were gazing at her in astonishment.

"Hermione, the fact that I felt a tug means that you're about to master the spell!" Harry said.

"Isn't she brilliant?" Ron said, half to himself, half to Harry. Hermione went an interesting shade of red.

"Oh, I just did a bit of reading when Harry started with Occlumency again," she said modestly, shifting her feet and smiling shyly at Ron.

They spent a good two hours in the Room of Requirement, choosing books, writing up a training schedule and allotting tasks. It was decided that Hermione and Harry would practise Occlumency while Ron and Harry focused on duelling. They decided to "book" the room on Saturdays evenings – hoping, of course, that it would not be occupied by other people.

---

Harry managed to get out of his next duelling lesson thanks to breaking his ankle during Quidditch practice, which had been scheduled before the lesson. For once, Harry felt rather grateful that he could go to the hospital wing. He sent a note to the Potions Master with Hedwig, explaining why he couldn't come. Hedwig returned with another note. Harry read it tentatively. The succinct message was written in a small thin script.

_Double lesson next Friday._

Harry groaned and banged his head a few times against the table.

"How typically Snape," Ron said, taking the note from him, "the git did not even bother to address you by name or even say that it's from him."

Harry shrugged.

---

Severus found another way of belittling Harry and making him feel stupid and inept. When Harry arrived for his next Occlumency lesson, Severus was looking particularly spiteful.

"Maybe this will help you, Potter," he drawled, handing Harry a book which looked familiar to him. He glanced at the title and stared at the Head of Slytherin, puzzled.

"But I read this in my first year," he said.

"I am not at all sure about that, Potter. You obviously have to catch up on material."

"What is this – a joke?" Harry seethed.

"_You_ are a joke, Potter. Read it for our next lesson. Dismissed."

He turned his back on Harry and strode away. Harry saw red and flung the book at the tall wizard's back. Severus did not even turn; he flicked his wand over his shoulder, and the book fell harmlessly onto the ground.

"My, my, Potter. What kind of tactics. Obviously, your duelling skills are nil as well."

There was a funny sound in Harry's ears. A jar shattered on the shelf. Severus swivelled around this time, black eyes narrowing, then widening as he saw that all the shelves in his office were vibrating ominously. There were four simultaneous crashes; the corresponding number of shelves had given way. A cauldron in the corner fell over on its side with a loud clang. Severus whipped out his wand but stumbled backwards and hit his desk as a jar went sailing past his face. Harry was glaring daggers at him, deathly pale; and he was starting to hyperventilate. Severus's desk tipped over with a deafening bang, and a chair suddenly launched itself into the air and smashed into the ceiling, causing bits of wood, plaster and paint to rain down liberally.

"POTTER! STOP IT!" Severus shouted, staggering to his feet and seizing the youth's shoulders. Harry was hyperventilating insanely now; he had bitten his lip, and blood was trickling down his chin. From the corner of his eye, Severus noticed a jar of powder slowly inch its way to the end of a vibrating shelf. Harry suddenly went limp and collapsed onto the floor. Severus hoisted him up in his arms and bounded out of the office, wand sticking out of his robes untidily. He rushed out into the corridor and shut the door with a non-verbal spell; and not a moment too soon, he heard a massive explosion rock his office. Strikingly pink smoke seeped out from underneath the door. Severus's hands were actually shaking a little. He stared at Harry's face; it was deathly pale, except for the feverish patches of red on his cheeks and the blood on his lips and chin. His spectacles were askew. Severus stroked back the fringe roughly; the scar looked normal. It had been a pure unleashing of uncontrollable magic triggered by pent-up rage. Merlin knew for how long it had been accumulating in Harry; short outbursts had not been enough at all to hold it in check or actually drain it. Refusing to feel even remotely responsible, Severus went to the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey hurried towards him.

"What has he done _now_?" she exclaimed. "Put him over here, please."

Severus obeyed and placed Harry on the bed.

"What happened?" the matron wanted to know.

"He lost control of his magic," Severus said, trying to sound unconcerned, but he didn't manage to meet the matron's suspicious eyes.

"And what brought on this loss of control?" she asked in a dangerous tone.

"He went into one of his typical teenage tantrums and ruined my office in the process," Severus replied impassively.

Madam Pomfrey nodded slowly.

"You. Provoked. Him," she enunciated slowly, placing her hands on her hips, "no Veritaserum is needed to know what happened. Leave the ward. Now."

Severus Snape was much taller than Madam Pomfrey, but he seemed to shrink before her; he obeyed and left the enraged matron with her patient; Madam Pomfrey immediately proceeded to notify Dumbledore. The Headmaster arrived within half a minute.

"What is wrong, Poppy?"

"Severus provoked Harry, that is what happened!" she snapped. "Harry lost control over his magic. Our dear Potions Master seems more concerned about the damage done to his office, however. Goodness knows how much anger the poor dear has been eating into himself!"

She bent over Harry and ran her wand over his face and chest.

"He should soon wake up, but he will not be able to practise Quidditch for a week – and he is definitely not going to practise Occlumency or duelling with that – with Severus," she rapped out.

Dumbledore sighed softly. It was time for another talk with Severus. A decidedly disagreeable one at that.

---


	12. Chapter 12

**CHAPTER 12**

A/N: Just a small note on the posting of chapters: I have got my exams in April and May; so from the beginning of April onwards, I will have to post only once a week. Once all the exams are over (please wish me luck that I do not only pass them, but pass them with good marks; I'm hoping to write a doctoral dissertation afterwards), I will definitely make up for lost time. Right now, I'm hovering over books and preparing for colloquia. BUT…I'd go mad if I didn't have my Snarry story to write – and didn't have all your reviews and comments to read! Also, thank you very much for visiting my blog _The Snarry Files_ :-)

---

Dumbledore surveyed the Potions Master sitting in his office with stern blue eyes. His half-moon spectacles were actually flashing as threateningly as Minerva McGonagall's glasses. Even Fawkes the phoenix seemed to be aiming a disapproving look at the black-clad figure sitting stiffly in the chair.

"I think I will forgo the niceties for once, Severus," Dumbledore said coldly, deviating from his customary offering of tea and sweets or biscuits.

The Head of Slytherin was silent. He dropped his eyes and studied his robed knees gloweringly.

"Is it such an impossible thing I have asked from you, Severus? It is such an impossible thing to stop seeing James Potter in Harry?"

Severus's jaw tensed at the sound of James's name.

"I do not mourn the destruction of your office. You asked for it."

No answer was forthcoming from Severus.

"I suppose you expect me to free you from your duties as a teacher of Occlumency and the art of duelling."

Severus looked up and spoke at last.

"Well, aren't you?" he asked coldly. "Your Potter pet has-"

"Do not use that tone with me, Severus Snape," Dumbledore said in a very quiet voice. "You saw how skinny he is after spending the summer with his relatives. You have caught flashes of his childhood during Occlumency. Acknowledge the fact that Harry is not what you _want_ to see in him, Severus, instead of clinging immaturely to childish grudges."

Severus flushed with a mixture of anger and humiliation.

"You viewed the tasks I set you to help Harry as a punishment. That is how you have always viewed the task of protecting Harry. And I have always told you that it is not a punishment but something that shows that side of your nature which you are so desperate to hide. And this time, Severus, I have to order you to continue instructing Harry instead of asking you. You will also treat him with more respect than you have done so far. I am sure he will reciprocate your efforts by making his own efforts."

"He is as arrogant as his father, and-"

"Enough!" Dumbledore suddenly exclaimed in a loud voice, bringing his hand down on his desk with a deafening thud. Fawkes watched them keenly, feathers slightly raised.

"You are speaking of a teenage James Potter who still had some growing-up to do. But you, Severus, are hopelessly trapped in the past. You will probably not listen to me when I tell you, for the umpteenth time, that Harry is modest, caring and kind. How can you expect him to defeat Voldemort if you do not teach him properly? Tell me, Severus, do you enjoy the Death Eater meeting so much that you would want them to continue permanently?"

"No!" Severus spat, and he cupped his forearm with that unconscious gesture of revulsion.

"No indeed," Dumbledore said softly, noticing the impulsive movement. The wise wizard rose.

"That is it, Severus. I have nothing more to say because there is nothing you will listen to."

He sighed and approached the Potions Master; he was taller than him, and he placed his hands on Severus's shoulders, gazing at him with sorrow in his eyes.

"Severus, why do you make yourself so unhappy?"

The younger wizard flushed again and bowed his head; he didn't answer.

"Good night, Severus," Dumbledore said, turning his back on Severus and moving towards Fawkes's perch.

---

"No, you may not see him," Madam Pomfrey snapped when Severus brushed past her wordlessly and stalked towards Harry's bed.

"Is he awake?" he asked glacially.

"Yes. He managed to have a little soup. He is sleeping, and you will not excite him into another outburst of uncontrollable magic, Severus," she replied just as icily.

"Worried that your precious hospital wing and the one and only priceless Potter will get destroyed in the process?" he sneered.

Madam Pomfrey shook her head slowly.

"You know, Severus, it is a pity to see how much trouble you take to make yourself disliked. Good night."

She took him by the elbow and guided him firmly out of the ward; then she shut the door in his face.

---

"You blew up Snape's office? Well done, mate!" Ron chortled.

"He nearly blew himself up," Hermione said crossly.

Harry had been sent back to Gryffindor Tower in the morning; the three friends were sitting in the common room. Dobby the house-elf had informed Hermione and Ron about what had happened. Of course, this had alarmed rather than calmed the two of them.

"We were wondering why you were not coming back," Ron said; then he laughed again.

"Blew up that idiot's office…Wow! Ginny had already written a letter to the twins about your latest stunt, Harry."

"Stunt? It just…happened!" Harry groaned. "It just sort of…burst out of me."

"But why exactly then? Why not earlier?"

"It was simply time for it come out, I guess," Harry said.

"At least the extra lessons with that asshole are bound to be scrapped," Ron said happily.

Hermione raised an eyebrow but did not protest against the swear word.

"No such luck," Harry sighed. "Dumbledore came to see me himself before I left the hospital wing. He said that the lessons would improve now. That he had spoken with Severus. As if they're ever going to improve…as if he has never had a nice little chat with that idiot before…"

"Well, at least you ruined his office unintentionally," Hermione said, "it might prevent him from being nasty to you. And we'll practise in the Room of Requirement."

---

There was a dull clang as Severus Snape slammed the door of the church behind him. He pointed his wand at the well of Holy Water; the contents turned into murky black ink. Striding forwards, he snatched the bouquet of flowers kept near the altar and shredded it to bits. He hurled the torn petals and leaves away from him. Finally, he went to the stand of votive candles and tipped it over with a hard push. The candles toppled onto the ground, their wax pouring over the tiles, smoke rising from their extinguished wicks in desolate cloudy wisps. Severus used a Blasting Charm to make the pews explode in a rain of wood; then he turned to leave.

"Severus."

He swivelled around, recognising the voice.

"You are entitled to your beliefs and views, Severus, but expressing them in ways which hurt people and destroy places of sanctuary is something only Voldemort would condone and encourage. I know who has been vandalising this church during the past few months. By all means destroy yourself if you insist on doing so; but exclude the others," Albus Dumbledore said; and with a flick of his wand, he restored order in the church.

"The Order is meeting in Grimmauld Place in an hour – if you are still interested, naturally."

"Do you doubt me?" Severus whispered hoarsely.

"That is up to you to prove or disprove."

He Disapparated. Severus stared at the place where he had been standing before following suit.

---


	13. Chapter 13

**CHAPTER 13**

A/N: Impatient mental patient: practi**c**e (**noun**): British spelling. practi**s**e (**verb**) British spelling. practice (**verb AND noun**): American spelling...

---

It was two o'clock in the morning when Severus returned to Hogwarts via Floo, tired and paler than usual. He had a bath, taking time to wash his hair. He had bought another hair care set after finding out that Dumbledore's gift had been very helpful indeed. Of course, it was something he refused to acknowledge, and when he got the second set, he had done so with a vague feeling of chagrin. Now, as he rinsed the delicately scented foam out of his hair, he was reminded of Dumbledore's disappointment. A mixture of rancour and shame flooded him. He had been mortified when Dumbledore had caught him vandalising the church. He hated churches. His father had been the embodiment of the distorted and contradictory aspects of religion. He had shouted at his wife and son, had drunk alcohol in such copious amounts that he had finally died of cirrhosis of the liver and had still managed to attend Mass every Sunday, listening to sermons on mercy and modesty while he abused his family at home. He had dragged Severus with him to church until Severus's magical powers had become too obvious to ignore. From then on, Severus had undergone the treatment of having the magic "beaten" out of him. Severus raised his hands, covering his ears for a moment, as if trying to shut out the voices of those memories…

"Cursed be thy name," Severus muttered, struggling to drive out the image of Tobias Snape.

He brushed his teeth hard enough to make his gums protest, pulled on his pyjama pants and draped the matching top over his arm; he sometimes slept in only pyjama bottoms. He slipped into his bed, sheets around his waist, one arm cushioning his head, his long hair rippling over the pillow. He felt terribly lonely. He changed his position, turning onto his side, raising his knees to his chest and embracing them with his arms. He nearly wanted to cry. He did not, of course. He had not shed tears for goodness knows how long. Tears, for him, were a waste of time.

The next evening, he sought temporary alleviation from the crushing loneliness by revisiting the Muggle bar. Leaning against the wall, he watched potential bedmates, finally catching the eye of a young man. The latter walked over to the former, and they negotiated business in a few discreet sentences. When they lay on the bed upstairs, Severus pulled out his box of condoms. The other man took it from him – Severus raised an eyebrow – and checked the date.

"Date's fine, but I prefer using mine."

"And why?" Severus asked coldly.

"Because I don't know where yours have been. Temperature and stuff. Mine are always here."

He opened the drawer of a bedside table and handed the box to Severus. Severus read the date and shrugged.

"Whatever," he said. He couldn't very well inform this Muggle that the box and contents had protective charms on them. It was possible that the other man had sensed or felt the magic which radiated off the box and had instinctively reacted negatively to the alien sensation. At the same time, he was relieved that the man was careful and responsible. Still…He Obliviated the man, used a condom from his own box and proceeded to fuck him emotionlessly. As usual, there was no satisfaction afterwards.

---

"Come in," Severus said tonelessly, not bothering to open his office door via magic when a hand knocked on it. The door opened, and Harry Potter stepped inside, looking extremely cautious. Green eyes locked with black eyes. Severus tried to stare the youth down, but Harry held his gaze with surprising steadiness.

"I apologise for inadvertently making a mess of your office, sir," he said tensely.

"Making a mess? Potter, your temper tantrum was worse than a hurricane."

"You – I mean, I felt provoked."

Ah, Severus thought with grim satisfaction, he won't dare accuse me directly.

"My dear Potter, you yourself are a constant source of provocation," Severus stated, breaking Dumbledore's order that he was to treat Harry with respect.

Harry looked tired, lost and hopeless.

"Is there really no way for us to get along, sir?" he asked.

Severus uttered a cold mirthless laugh.

"Potter, I am amazed at your audacity."

"Sir. Please."

"What! Is James Potter's ungrateful spawn actually begging?"

"I am not my father, for the umpteenth time!" Harry interrupted him fiercely, green eyes blazing, "And I am not begging. I am asking. Asking!"

"Careful, Potter. I don't want my office destroyed again," Severus said, his voice soft and threatening, "and you are the exact replica of your father, except for…" Severus approached the young man, not caring about Dumbledore's lecture, "I seem to recall a speculative article in _The Daily Prophet_, Potter…about certain…preferences…"

Harry flushed. He remembered. Remembered only too well. Once he had been sure about his sexual orientation, he had told Hermione and Ron in their sixth year. They had not been at all shocked; Ron knew a gay friend of his brother Bill, and Hermione, with her open-mindedness towards those who suffered unjust discrimination, had laughed and said that she had simply been waiting for Harry to "come out of the closet" to her and Ron.

"Was Cho that bad, mate?" Ron had joked.

"I just didn't feel that it was the…right thing, you know. Not only because of Cedric. Took me a little while to figure out what it was exactly that I was feeling," Harry had answered. Ron was not the type to keep his voice lowered, or to think before speaking. Thus, when Hermione had pointed out to Harry that a Ravenclaw girl was eyeing him appreciatively in the corridor, Ron had exclaimed loudly:

"Thank goodness you're gay, Harry – you don't have to invent excuses for avoiding clingy girls anymore!"

"Ron, that's _private_!" Hermione had snapped, and Harry had simply shrugged inwardly.

The news had travelled around the school and beyond it, thanks to letters students wrote home to their parents, and some of the parents had connections with the local newspapers…

Harry stared into the dark eyes of the Potions Master, realising that the embittered wizard was willing to actually hit below the belt.

"What has my being gay got to do with our situation?" he asked calmly.

"Ah, so it wasn't merely speculation."

"Professor Dumbledore told me that you would treat me with more respect. My sexual orientation has no place in this conversation," Harry said very sharply.

"It is simply a criterion to distinguish you from your progenitor, Potter."

His mouth curved into a cynical smile.

"The male body, Potter, certainly has its charms. Whether you will survive long enough to ever enjoy those charms or revel in the sensual lines of the male physique is, however, uncertain."

Harry had gone pale, and his green eyes were sparkling with angry tears.

"Stop it!" he said hoarsely, "stop doing this to me!"

"It hurts, doesn't it, Potter?"

"And how much hurt did you experience that you have perfected the art of hurting others?" Harry said fiercely. He tried blinking back his distress, but a tear nevertheless escaped and fled swiftly down his cheek.

"I detest fits of weeping," Severus commented.

"Why? Have you forgotten how to cry? Sir?" Harry nearly shouted back. Severus's face stiffened, and Harry knew that he had touched upon the truth.

"Tears are for those who are weak!" Severus hissed.

"_You_ are weak because you are incapable of feeling or crying. You are even incapable of listening to Professor Dumbledore. He told me that you would treat me with more respect. I have not noticed any change."

"I – am – not – weak!" Severus snarled savagely, moving so close to Harry that their bodies nearly touched.

"You are," Harry said, the Gryffindor in him refusing to back down.

Severus grabbed Harry's shoulder; Harry's eyes flashed behind the round glasses, and his hands shot out, thrusting against Severus's chest with such strength that the tall wizard stumbled and hit his desk. Harry drew out his wand.

"Do not touch me," he said steadily, "and now you can't tell me that you don't know what it feels like to be provoked."

No matter how I touch someone – it is never with the other person's true consent. My own parents treated me like a leper, and if I was touched, then it was to be beaten; and I have to pay men to touch me and to be able to touch them, Severus thought with self-loathing. He straightened his posture but kept to his desk, simply staring at Harry, confronted with the realisation that he was insanely jealous of the young man for all the wrong reasons. James Potter and Sirus Black seemed feeble excuses compared to the envy he felt. Harry was brave, smart, handsome and had friends. People fawned over him. How easy it was to envy him because of those superficial impressions! And how much easier it was to turn such impressions into reasons for hating him. Severus wanted to hate him. He refused to acknowledge what Dumbledore and his subconscious said: that Harry James Potter and he shared things in common, and that Harry was a kind person. If he thought that hating Harry would gradually assuage his own self-hatred over the years, then he was badly mistaken.

Heavy silence lay between the two wizards. Harry lowered his wand. Severus slowly walked around the room, head bowed as he brooded over the whole mess, hands clasped behind his back. He had to teach Harry and push his own issues into the background. Teaching Occlumency would never work unless he established a relationship of trust with Harry – every handbook emphasised the importance of trust between teacher and pupil; seeing each other's thoughts was, after all, very intimate. Severus's teacher had been none other than Albus Dumbledore. Mental magic always required a bond of trust and respect. Severus was extremely reluctant to teach Harry, knowing that he would have to stop feeding his reasons to hate Harry with the fuel drawn from absurd reasons. He turned around abruptly, meeting those green eyes.

He does not belong here in this dull place, he reflected. At length, he sighed. Establishing the bond which was necessary for a quick and solid mastery of Occlumency seemed impossible; but Dumbledore had left him no choice in this matter.

"You will have to learn how to clear your mind properly," he said finally.

---


	14. Chapter 14

**CHAPTER 14**

Harry managed not to let his surprise show on his face. He had been sure that the brooding man would throw him out of his office – again. It occurred to him, not for the first time, that Severus Snape was a deeply disturbed and embittered person, a sufferer who was determined to make others suffer for what he, Severus, had gone through.

"The Headmaster was my teacher," Severus stated impassively. Another surprise. The Potions Master was never forthcoming with personal information.

"Professor Dumbledore taught you? That explains why Remus told me that you are a 'superb Occlumens'."

Severus curled his lip incredulously, and Harry added:

"Those were his words. I'm quoting him."

Severus merely conjured a pile of blankets on the dungeon floor.

"Remove your spectacles and shoes and lie down."

Puzzled and astonished, Harry obeyed. He placed his spectacles on the desk and put his shoes neatly in a corner.

"Er…in which position shall I lie? Sir?"

"On your back," Severus said coldly, watching the youth follow his instructions. He looked fragile as he lay down. Severus drew nearer, knowing that Harry was short-sighted. Like James Potter.

"Close your eyes," he ordered, and the youth's eyelids snapped shut. His eyelashes were black and smooth. His tongue flicked out, nudging at his bottom lip in a small nervous gesture. Lying on the floor with eyes closed and a notoriously bad-tempered Potions Master and former Death Eater towering over him was rather intimidating.

"Relax your body completely."

Harry shifted a little on the blankets.

"You are still tense. You are keeping your fingers deliberately curled and close to your sides, and your ankles are crossed. Relax your arms, hands and feet. Everything," Severus said, swallowing down his impatience and adding an extra note of silkiness to his voice.

A minute or two of silence passed; then Harry felt a hand cover his eyes.

"Close your eyes completely. You must relax even your eyelids," Severus whispered, thinking back to the times Dumbledore had done this exercise with him, feeling the Headmaster's hand rest upon his face…like a father's hand…

To his own amazement, Harry discovered the tension draining from him at the touch of the man he loathed; his palm was gentle and warm. Then Severus removed his hand, and Harry heard him step away quietly.

"Exhale and inhale slowly and deeply. Do so through your nose, not through your mouth."

He waited for another minute, watching Harry's chest rise and fall before continuing:

"You will hear random sounds. Listen to them, but do not focus on each sound, but simply let it float past like water. Let nothing startle you or disrupt you."

Severus took four glasses and filled them with water, wanting Harry to listen to the sound of the water pouring the glasses. The first glass was completely full; the second glass contained two-thirds of water, the third half, and the fourth the smallest quantity. Severus proceeded to tap each glass with a spoon in no particular order, all the while watching the youth. Harry's lips parted as he truly relaxed, listening to the four different notes emitted by the tap of the spoon against the glasses. Severus paused and extracted a tuning fork. He hit the edge of the desk with it and placed the stem, which ended in a ball, against the wooden surface. A note rang out in a loud hum, gradually growing fainter. Severus repeated this, using different surfaces – glass, the stone floor, the hard cover of a book. After that, he walked around the room, varying his pace, his boots tapping on the tiles. Finally, he produced a rhythmic rattling with a pair of castanets. After ten minutes of these acoustic activities, he spoke.

"You may open your eyes, Potter, but do not get up. Remain recumbent until you are used to the light and your surroundings again. Stretch, if you wish, and rise slowly; do not stand up abruptly."

Harry obeyed, rubbing his eyes. He felt that this kind of exercise would be extremely helpful every evening. He could hardly believe that he had been able to relax in Severus's presence. He rose slowly, running his hand sleepily over his tousled hair, attempting to flatten it in that unconscious gesture which he had had since he was small.

"Your glasses and shoes, Potter."

Harry retrieved both articles.

"Let us continue with a repetition of the reading you have done on mental magic," Severus said; and instead of asking Harry questions, he said:

"Explain the term Occlumency and tell me what you know about the topic. I am all ears." He made a slightly mocking gesture, indicating that Harry was to do the talking.

Somewhat confused by this most unusual lesson, Harry spoke about Occlumency, beginning with the origin and definition of the word, feeling profoundly grateful to Hermione and her bookishness. Severus listened impassively for a few minutes before raising one hand.

"Enough. You are familiar with the basics."

He asked Harry some general questions before finishing the lesson with a couple of specific ones.

"Now, if you can realise that knowledge, Potter, instead of simply stowing it away in some dusty corner of your mind, then there might still be hope," Severus said with a touch of his usual sarcasm. "In the meantime, perform that exercise when you go to bed – without the sounds, naturally. Unless you are eager to disturb your roommates in a feeble attempt to garner more attention than you already receive."

---

"Sounds like he is really anxious to teach you well, Harry," Hermione said after Harry had told her and Ron about his session with Severus, "it sounds like a form of yoga or something."

"You know, the others would love to hear about this exercise, mate. It wouldn't disturb us at all, it would do all of us a world of good. Neville could definitely use it, poor chap."

"As could you, Ronald Weasley," Hermione remarked waspishly, "and in the meantime, while you learn Occlumency with Professor Snape, I was thinking that we could try learning about Legilimency, then you can benefit from knowing what exactly Snape does to you when he invades your mind."

"'Mione, you're brilliant, but you need an expert…Mental magic could be dangerous if done wrongly…"

"I said learning _about_ Legilimency."

"And nothing happened when she kind of prodded me last time," Harry said.

"That's because I knew that I didn't know enough to cause any damage," Hermione said.

"'I knew that I didn't know'…Really, 'Mione, you sound like a philosopher," Ron groaned.

Later, in the dormitory of the seventh-year boys, Harry finished fine-tuning his carved bird and tried to focus on his breathing as he lay in his bed; and when he closed his eyes, he imagined a warm hand covering them gently.

---

A/N: The "superb Occlumens" was borrowed from book 5. About the relaxing exercises Harry does in this chapter: when I was in High School, we went to a theatre camp; and before we started rehearsing, one of the teachers went through a special morning routine with us in order to make us relax; we were told to grab blankets, spread them on the floor and lie down on them. Then he would play a cassette with random sounds on it (twanging, knocking, fingers rubbing and tapping against a glass etc.), and we would sort of drift away for ten minutes – some of us even fell asleep. I would actually listen to the breathing of the others rather than to the cassette sounds…After about ten minutes, the teacher would turn off the radio and tell us to open our eyes, stretch ourselves thoroughly and get up slowly. We'd do that, fold up the blankets and get moving. We were out in the country, in this pretty little camp house in an equally pretty little village, sleepy and homely; it was very quiet, no sounds of traffic, and it felt really, really, really good…So that's how I got inspired :-)


	15. Chapter 15

**CHAPTER 15**

A/N: Marius belongs to me :-)

---

Severus Snape was a meticulous man. He was impeccably neat and made sure to clean out his drawers once a month, throwing away old documents and other things he considered useless. But there was a photograph he did not know what to do with. He wanted to incinerate it; at the same time, he wished to keep it. It was a souvenir of a time when he had been very happy – and very miserable. Severus stared at the picture, looking down at his teenage self and at a wizard who was a little taller than him. The wizard had long dark-brown hair curling on his shoulders, and grey eyes. He was an attractive young man, and his arm was around Severus's skinny waist. Severus himself was looking happy and timid at the same time, his black hair tied back and his lips displaying the hint of a smile...

---

Marius Rivers and Severus Snape had attended the same school and the classes to obtain their Potions Mastery degree – an extremely prestigious title. There was only one school in Britain which accepted applicants, and said applicants had to have outstanding marks in not only Potions, but in most of the other subjects. Severus had graduated from Hogwarts with excellent marks and a poor reputation among students, including some of the Slytherins who despised him for his looks, half-blood heritage and rumoured homosexuality. An embittered man, Severus had been eager to join Voldemort after graduating, but before dong so, Albus Dumbledore, recognising his Potions talent, suggested that Severus further his Potions education. Severus had agreed and postponed his ominous plans. And there, at that school where he would study hard for three years and rise to be the most talented pupil, he had fallen truly in love for the first time. Marius and he were roommates – there were always two students who shared a room, and during that time, the two would share more than just a room…

Marius was nineteen, a little older than Severus, and had come all the way to England from America. Marius radiated a scorching sexuality to which Severus responded by blushing, dreaming erotic dreams and shooting Marius covert glances. Marius would undress at leisure and without shame in front of Severus in the room they shared. And he seemed genuinely interested in Severus. Marius was a good listener. He treated Severus as particularly knowledgeable, making Severus feel self-confident whenever Marius asked Severus questions about brewing this and that potion, and praised his brewing skills. From praising Severus's Potions skills, Marius cleverly moved on to praising Severus's appearance – something Severus felt very insecure about.

"Your hair is so soft…and you have really nice eyes," he told Severus when they went for a walk outside. Good-looking Marius didn't seem to care about the other students, and Severus revelled in the feeling of being Marius's only close friend. Slowly, Severus thawed, telling Marius a little about his childhood, and finally that he was gay.

"I know you're gay. I knew it as soon as I saw you."

Severus flushed.

"How?"

"Just a kind of feeling. Maybe because I'm gay myself," Marius smiled, running his hand through Severus's hair in a brotherly gesture…except that the look in Marius's eyes seemed more than brotherly.

Marius knew how to utter subtle flatteries under the guise of praise and small compliments. Severus's damaged self-confidence slowly began to improve. He even began to think that joining Voldemort as a Death Eater would not be such a wise decision after all. Lucius Malfoy kept in touch with him, dropping a hint every now and then that Severus ought to make up his mind soon. Severus pushed the letters and hints into the back of his mind and drawer, devoting himself to his Potions studies and falling in love with Marius. Marius coaxed Severus into making the first move which would make them lovers for the next six months. Catching Severus staring at him one evening, Marius put aside his Potions textbook.

"I believe in seeing _and_ touching," he remarked.

Severus's cheeks became warm.

"So why don't you kiss me instead of staring at me like that?" Marius continued. Severus stood up and went towards him.

From that moment onwards Severus's world became Marius. Marius introduced him to delicious pleasures in the room they shared. In bed, Marius was the teacher, guiding Severus, sometimes laughing at him and telling him that he was not made of glass whenever Severus's hands touched Marius's body with awe. Marius was the first man Severus kissed and had sex with. Marius had been together with someone during his last year of school; but he always reassured Severus that Severus was unique and therefore his first true love. The night after Marius slept with Severus for the first time, Severus was eager to repeat the performance – in reversed roles. Marius was looking up at him, blasé, a slight smile curving his lips, one arm behind his head while Severus slid into him. With his other hand, he patted Severus's hip.

"Come on, move," he whispered, "or we'll be here until tomorrow."

"I _want_ to be here with you until tomorrow and all the days after tomorrow," Severus whispered breathlessly, not caring how sentimental the words sounded.

Marius laughed and dragged his arm from underneath his head, placing both hands on Severus's hips and tugging lightly.

"Move, for Merlin's sake!"

Severus moved, hardly believing that he was experiencing this intimacy or that he was so much in love. Neither could he believe that he could be loved and appreciated for himself. His belief turned out to be justified when he discovered that Marius was sleeping with him for the sake of glory.

Severus had noticed that his notes would go missing from time to time and turn up later in places he was sure he hadn't put them. Marius was rather messy, and Marius generously told Severus to blame him.

"I guess it wouldn't happen if I were as neat as you," he whispered into Severus's ear.

Severus felt that there were times when Marius seemed too nonchalant, even insincere, or simply not that interested in Severus.

"I'm sorry, but you know what it's like at this place, they make us work like dogs," he would say, "I don't know how I'd get through without you, my treasure."

He always called Severus "my treasure".

And finally, Severus discovered the Potions journal. He was glancing through it when a large article caught his attention. His eyes widened as they recognised every word; and the only person who had access to the notes besides he himself was Marius. Severus did not like to share things with anyone, especially not his notes. He had only lent them to Marius. It made sense. Marius's repeated questions concerning the brewing of potions, his borrowing of Severus's notes (obviously behind his back as well), or talking to Severus about a Potions-related topic after sex, when Severus was sleepy and enjoyed being held in Marius's arms. Severus closed the journal, his eyes stinging, fury gushing through his body. He waited for Marius to come back, and when he did, Severus confronted him without delay.

"What is this?" he hissed, slamming the journal against Marius's chest. "How come _my_ notes and reports are repeated verbatim in this journal?"

Marius shrugged.

"Well, you were bound to find out sooner or later. I was sort of waiting for that moment," he said in a cool casual voice.

Skinny nineteen-year-old Severus Snape searched frantically for the love he knew as he stared into Marius's grey eyes.

"Did you think anyone could possibly fancy someone like you? Go get a mirror and look at yourself!"

The words hurt Severus so deeply that he could not speak immediately; but his eyes burnt with such rage that Marius dropped his gaze for a moment.

"You used me," he whispered, recovering his voice, "you never...loved me…or liked me. I was never your treasure…just your treasure _trove_!"

"What did you expect? I am going to Obliviate you now, Severus," Marius said, making the fatal error of telling Severus what he was going to do.

_Levicorpus!_ Severus thought; and Marius was hoisted up into the air with a surprised shout, dangling upside-down, his wand falling out of his hand onto the floor. Severus performed another spell, making Marius drop unconscious onto his bed; then he fetched the Potions Mistress of the school. Marius was moved out of the room that very evening, and in another week, he was expelled.

That first night without Marius, Severus had stood next to his bed, hands curled to fists, tears pouring down his face, shoulders vibrating with sobs; and Marius's empty bed had been there. Severus had dropped onto his knees, burying his face into the sheets, breathing in Marius's scent. Marius had never made love to him in that bed, or in Severus's. He had only fucked him. Severus had seized Marius's pillow and torn at it until it had given way, feathers spilling over and around him like his fragmented hopes and dreams…

---

Severus slammed the photograph into the drawer violently and stalked out of his rooms to walk in the grounds. Love, he thought bitterly, was something to hate. He looked at his watch. Harry Potter was due for his duelling lesson in another twenty minutes.

---


	16. Chapter 16

**CHAPTER 16**

A/N: If you want to know more about my character Marius Rivers, then you can look up his fact sheet on my blog (cf. my profile page for the link). Marius is important for this story. Thank you for all your comments and for visiting my blog :-)  
---  
Severus returned from his walk in the grounds five minutes before Harry arrived at his office. The Potions Master, however, was waiting for him in front of the door.

"Follow me, Potter. We need far more space for duelling," he said curtly, noticing, not for the first time, how astonishingly green the youth's eyes were.

"Yes, sir," the Gryffindor replied obediently. His footsteps were light and soft as a cat's – Severus thought that Harry would do very well in Stealth and Tracking if he planned to undergo Auror training. Provided Voldemort was defeated by then. He led Harry to a large empty classroom. It was cold, and he saw Harry instinctively rub his arms to warm himself. Severus suppressed a biting remark about the spoilt brat taking heating for granted, along with other things. Instead, he scrutinised the youth sharply.

"You are tense and nervous. Have you been practising the exercise I showed you?"

"Before going to sleep, sir."

"How often?"

"I've tried to do it every night."

"Tried?"

"It's a bit difficult to do in a dormitory with four other boys."

"The aim of this exercise, Potter, is to not let yourself get distracted by other people or sounds," Severus said sourly. "In other words, you have neglected to do the exercise."

"No, not exactly-"

"'Not exactly'? My dear Potter, such an expression equals 'not at all'."

"I really tried, sir," Harry defended himself, keeping his voice calm and polite.

"You need to be tense and yet keep a clear and cool head at the same time if you want to duel successfully, and you have not the remotest idea about disciplining your mind," Severus snapped viciously. Harry prudently opted to remain silent in case he incited the man with a reply.

Severus inhaled deeply before he spoke:

"Take out your wand."

Harry obeyed; but before they could begin, there was a sharp cracking sound and a house-elf appeared, announcing in a squeaky voice that the Headmaster needed to see Severus by all means. The elf disappeared, and Severus looked at Harry.

"Lesson cancelled. Go back to Gryffindor Tower," he ordered his student. Harry left quietly. Severus let out a breath as soon as the door closed behind the young man. He was relieved to get rid of the brat; on the other hand, he was not looking forward to finding out what was so urgent. He used the Floo to reach Dumbledore's office as quickly as possible.

"Ah, Severus, I am sorry for interrupting your lesson with Harry," Dumbledore said, rising from his desk.

"I, however, am not at all sorry," Severus remarked.

Dumbledore ignored the remark and asked Severus to take a seat.

"What I can do for you, Albus?"

Dumbledore said gently:

"Marius Rivers is in danger, Severus. I received intelligence from both Mr Rivers and from the Order that the Death Eaters want to take him hostage and use, or rather, abuse his Healing powers. We have therefore all decided that he shall seek asylum at Hogwarts. He is loyal – he was tested at the Ministry under Veritaserum. He was also tested for the ingestion of a Veritaserum-antidote, Polyjuice Potion and so on. He can be trusted."

Severus had become paler than usual. After his expulsion, Marius had followed Healing studies and become one of the most renowned Healers in Britain. Every now and then, Severus would come across a news item mentioning Marius's work. He would also find occasional articles written by Marius for various journals. Every time he encountered Marius's name or saw his picture, he would feel a spark of rage, and the offending item would be flung into the fireplace.

"And you are sending me as his escort?" Severus bit out. When Severus had learnt Legilimency and Occlumency from Dumbledore, the latter had accessed memories of Severus's relationship with Marius.

"I know that this is not easy, Severus, but he knows you-"

"He _knew_ me. Or maybe he never even knew me at all, unless it was in the sexual sense," Severus said bluntly, "and that was years ago."

"I do not mean to bring back the past-"

"Why not delegate this task to someone else? It would be far more agreeable for Rivers himself."

"Everyone else is indisposed. I myself have urgent duties at the Ministry."

Severus stood up.

"Have you got his address?"

"Yes, and here are the necessary Portkeys and a letter. The paperclip-Portkey will enable you to Apparate through Mr Rivers's wards," Dumbledore said, handing Severus a piece of parchment, a letter addressed to Marius and two Portkeys: a paperclip and a ballpoint pen, one to transport him to Marius's current residence and another to allow both of them to travel back to Hogwarts.

"Hogwarts offers him its protection and a means of earning his living – as Professor of Healing," Dumbledore added.

"I have never heard of such a subject or title at Hogwarts before," Severus said icily.

"It will be a new subject if Mr Rivers accepts my proposal; and with an impending war, it is crucial that the students know more about practical Healing."

"You have really thought it all out, haven't you?" Severus said with a bitter smile, "Well, I shall not waste any time; I'm leaving immediately." He strode towards the fireplace; he stopped, however, and looked at Dumbledore probingly.

"Does he know that _I_ will be fetching him?"

"He does not – I simply said that I would send one of my staff to do so. I had to arrange this all at the last moment, I'm afraid. The letter explains why I have sent you, and that he can trust you with his life."

Blue eyes and black eyes met in a gaze which expressed the special bond the two men shared.

Severus finally nodded curtly and grabbed a handful of Floo powder.

---

A few minutes later, dressed in his travelling cloak, Severus Apparated in Marius's flat, Portkey and letter in his pocket.

He found himself face to face with a wizard who had just risen from a leather couch.  
The years had simply increased Marius's striking looks; his dark-brown neck-length hair was cut smooth and highlighted with streaks of blond, and his steel-grey eyes were narrowed with caution and surprise; he looked as if he had just snatched up his wand although he had obviously been waiting to be picked up, to judge from a trunk and two bags squatting at his feet. He was still taller than Severus, and a flush was spreading over his face as he recognised the one-time lover he had betrayed so coldly. He lowered his wand.  
"Severus Snape?" he asked uncertainly. Severus saw the grey eyes sweep over him in an assessing manner. Not much to look at, Severus thought, and his lip curled in his characteristic sneer.  
"I am here to escort you to Hogwarts, Rivers," he said tersely.

Marius's flush was replaced by a grim pale look.  
"You were once a Death Eater, were you not, Severus? I read about your trial and Dumbledore's defense in the papers," Marius answered, contempt lacing his voice.  
Severus's lip curled scornfully again.

"If you read this, then you will be enlightened about my current position and role."

He thrust the letter into Marius's hand. Marius looked at him suspiciously and opened the letter. He read it carefully.

"Albus Dumbledore is offering me a position as a Hogwarts professor?"

"He is _extremely_ generous," Severus answered coldly, implying that Dumbledore was generous even with people who didn't deserve it.

"And you are spying for him?"

"I am indeed. Let us leave before the Death Eaters find us," Severus snarled impatiently, pulling out the ballpoint pen.

The two men appeared at the edge of the Hogwarts grounds. Severus strode ahead of Marius, who uttered a Levitating Charm on his trunk and bags. They glided behind him serenely while Marius took in the scenery.

"It is beautiful," he said.

"This is no time to admire landscapes," Severus commented. Marius said:

"You have changed, Severus."

"I am sure you will get used to it." Severus's voice was dripping with vitriol. "Kindly accelerate your pace. You don't want to keep the Headmaster waiting after all the trouble he has taken for you."

"I appreciate what he is doing for me."

"You can tell him so in a few minutes."

Marius was silent and followed Severus inside the enormous castle, admiring the paintings in the corridors and the architecture. Severus barked out the password at the gargoyle guarding Dumbledore's office.

"Thank you," Marius said.

Severus ignored his thanks and swept away from him. He thought that instructing Harry Potter would have been better than picking up Marius Rivers after all.

---


	17. Chapter 17

**CHAPTER 17**

"Who is that?" Ron whispered as the students streamed into the Great Hall for dinner. The teachers were already seated.

"Where?" Ginny asked, prodding Ron aside with a sharp elbow to get a better view.

"Ohhh, he's really handsome!" someone whispered. Harry thought so, too. The stranger was sitting tranquilly between Professors McGonagall and Flitwick, grey eyes scanning the students. They met Harry's green ones. The wizard did not show that he recognised Harry Potter because of his scar; he did not look at Harry's forehead like so many other people did; instead, he gave Harry a small wink, and one corner of his mouth rose in a mischievous smile. Harry thought that it actually looked flirtatious and gave the wizard a somewhat stiff nod in return.

"Did he actually _wink_ at you, mate?"

"Yeah, and he sort of grinned."

"Maybe he's trying to hit on you."

"Oh, haha. He must be a teacher or some kind of prominent person if he's sitting with the staff."

Hermione was looking interestedly at the stranger.

"Anyone you know?" Ron asked her.

She shook her head.

"No."

"What! There's something or someone you actually don't know?" Ron said with exaggerated shock.

Hermione glared at him. The two were behaving normally around each other after their discouraging date: they were back to bickering.

Soon, all the students were in the Great Hall and getting ready to eat. Dumbledore rose and spread out his arms.

"May I please have your attention?" he said. Everyone fell silent. The Potions Master was looking particularly sour, casting an ominous glance in his new colleague's direction. Harry decided that Severus Snape had a problem with each and every newcomer who ended up at the staff table.

"I would like to welcome a new staff member and a new subject. Professor Marius Rivers is in charge of Healing and will offer Healing courses during the remainder of this term for anyone who is interested. From the next term onwards, Healing will be one of the subjects you may choose in your third year. Fourth-years and above are naturally most welcome to follow separate Healing courses once this subject has been instated as part of the regular curriculum."

Dumbledore gestured at Marius, and the tall wizard rose, smiling modestly and dipping his head in a graceful little bow. Everyone – especially the girls – clapped enthusiastically.

"Like him, Harry? That's one cute stud for you," Ron said teasingly to Harry.

Harry rolled his eyes.

"He is rather…sexy," he admitted.

"You've got to take the Healing courses, then."

Harry laughed.

"Not enough time, Ron. Too much to do already."

"Don't be silly, Ron, you don't sign up for courses just because you fancy the teacher," Hermione said bossily.

"I bet you'd have signed up if Lockhart-"

"Guys, give it a break," Dean Thomas grinned.

"What about the time you had a crush on Fleur?" Hermione said loudly, ignoring Dean's interjection.

Ron grabbed a spoon and began to help himself to mashed potatoes, slapping the food onto his plate with unnecessary violence. Harry threw Hermione a beseeching look. She blushed and avoided his stare. Harry turned his attention to his dinner.

After dinner, the students trailed back to their dormitories, discussing the newcomer.

"He is rather appealing," Hermione remarked.

"Good heavens – first it was Lockhart, then Krum and now it's Rivers. You really only fancy men who look like they've stepped out of a fashion or sports magazine," Ron said sourly.

"That is not true, Ron," Hermione said, looking hurt.

"I wouldn't mind dating him," Lavender Brown remarked.

"That, Miss Brown, is impossible. Firstly, Professor Rivers is a teacher. Secondly, he is an established homosexual," Severus's voice spoke up behind them. Lavender jumped and went scarlet; the rest of the students stared at him.

"So vindictive, Severus?" Marius appeared round the corner, grey eyes narrowed.

"Not at all, Rivers. I am simply making sure that the students don't waste their time dreaming about you when they should be studying."

"That sounds most convincing," Marius replied, gentle sarcasm accentuating his voice.

"Let's get out of here," Harry muttered, "this is none of our business."

The students followed his example and hastily resumed the route to their respective dormitories, leaving Marius and Severus locked in a glacial gaze.

"If you want to pick a quarrel with me, Severus, then I suggest that you refrain from doing so in public."

"Arrogant and conceited as ever, I see," Severus retorted. Marius flushed.

"Please let me explain-"

"I don't need an explanation. You are a cheating liar and I am frankly astounded and dismayed that Dumbledore is not only granting you a sanctuary at this school but also a long-term employment."

"I am just as amazed that the Headmaster can trust a Death Eater to teach malleable minds," Marius flashed back, grey eyes steely with anger.

"How many people did you fuck during your Healing studies to get where you are?" Severus asked softly.

Marius went white around the nostrils.

"How dare you," he whispered.

"How dare I? After what you did-"

"If you'd just let me explain-"

"You can shove your explanation up your rectum, Rivers," Severus hissed and marched off, robes billowing around his figure vindictively.

Marius shook his head and walked away as well.

---

In the meantime, up in Gryffindor Tower, Harry was finishing his Potions assignment. Hermione and Ron were sitting far apart from each other, heads turned in opposite directions. Harry set down his quill and went through the parchment again. He corrected a few errors and rolled up his homework. He got up and went towards the stairs leading to the dormitories. Ron took the opportunity to leave the common room and a frosty-tempered Hermione. Once they were in their dormitory, Harry swung round on Ron.

"For heaven's sake, Ron! When are you just going to _tell_ her? It's getting downright excruciating to see you resort to your kind of flirting."

"Our kind of flirting?"

"Bickering."

Ron reddened.

"But-"

"Look, I know it's none of my business, but you're both my best friends and…" Harry laughed and shook his head. "Ron, can't you see that how much she likes you?"

"I…I…Well…"

"Ginny has been dropping quite a lot of hints for your benefit."

"Telling me that Hermione's in the library is supposed to be a hint?"

"She's always alone in the library…"

"She hates being disturbed when she's with her books!"

"Maybe she's just waiting to be disturbed one of these days," Harry said, grinning. He walked over to the sill and picked up the bird he had carved and polished, shifting it absent-mindedly from one hand to the other.

"D'you know that you can charm it to sing?" Ron asked.

"Really?" Harry gave him the bird, and Ron drew out his wand and tapped it, muttering a spell. The wooden bird immediately began to flex its head and twitter.

"Learnt that from Fred and George. Well, sort of. We had this wooden cat, and they made it bark."

Harry laughed.

"That means you could make this bird bark."

"Sure. Listen…"

Seamus, Dean and Neville walked inside and roared with laughter when they heard the bird baying like a hound. Harry's smile fled as soon as he was lying in bed and everything was still. The nightmares were waiting for him. He had them at least four times a week now, and they were always sickeningly vivid, with screams of pain echoing in his mind and ears. Sure enough, Harry woke up at three in the morning, infinitely grateful for the Silencing Charms he now automatically cast on the bed whenever he went to sleep. He sat up and rocked back and forth, longing so badly for a draught of Sleeping Potion that he began to sob and moan into his hands. His soul seemed to twist, crying out to someone unknown…

---

Severus could not sleep. Memories dredged up from the past haunted him and made him toss and turn. He recalled nights of pleasure, nights when Marius and he would make the bed squeak protestingly. The days they would seek a place for themselves during their free time and talk about various things. Cursing, Severus wrapped the sheets more firmly around him, then flung them back. He decided to retire to the hall, near the hearth, and read until he was sleepy. He glanced at the clock. It was only three. Severus slid his feet into his slippers and drew on a long silk housecoat of a rich dark-blue colour. His hair tumbled untidily over it, and Severus decided that he had to cut it by all means. He had simply let it grow. Severus settled on the sofa with a mug of cinnamon tea and opened a book on Divination. Like Minerva McGonagall, Severus detested Divination. He considered it one of the most boring subjects in the world. The point of reading the book was to make him so bored that he would feel like going to sleep very soon. He turned a page with a slender forefinger.

_Dreams are a crucial source of Divination and offer many clues about the future. In fact, dreams are even regarded as visions…_

Severus yawned after a few paragraphs. He raised his mug to his lips and was about to sip when _it_ happened – a sudden image flashing clearly before his eyes. Harry Potter rocking back and forth on his bed, staring at him…or through him...

"Please help me, help me, help me, help…" the youth was whispering, clutching at his head.

The mug shattered and the image was gone. Severus could still see the scene, though, and hear that frenzied whispering. He shook his head and snapped the book closed. He cleared the mess of tea and porcelain fragments with a flick of his wand and went back to his bed, where he managed to fall into an uneasy sleep.

---


	18. Chapter 18

**CHAPTER 18**

Severus Snape narrowed his eyes when he approached the staff table for breakfast. Marius Rivers was already there, eating a fried egg. Severus curled his lip and sat down, leaving a space of three empty chairs between himself and his former lover.  
"Good morning, Severus," Marius greeted him cordially. Severus returned the greeting with the curtest of nods and helped himself to some breakfast. His eyes trailed over the House tables. The Gryffindor Quidditch team members had got up very early to train and were eating hungrily after their flying session. Severus noted that the Quidditch Captain, Harry Potter, was looking exhausted. He had circles around his eyes and his face was drawn. Severus was reminded of the "vision" which had flashed less than four hours ago. He had come to the conclusion that it had been caused by stress, or maybe he had even dozed off for a moment; but intuitively, he felt that these explanations were empty excuses.  
Harry, in the meantime, was suffering from a bad headache and from the memory of a decidedly odd vision of Severus Snape reading a book and holding a mug in his hand. Harry recalled rocking back and forth on his bed, whispering for help in the darkness, hands clutching at his aching head, eyes staring straight ahead. And then he had seen it. The strangest and most unlikely "vision". He did not know what else to call it, besides "image" or even "dream"; but he was sure that he had been wide awake when he saw the Potions Master sitting on a sofa with that book and mug, the latter on its way to Severus's lips...He shook his head and focused on his food.  
After breakfast, Harry slipped away from the table just as Hermione was going inside. Ron, who was the Quidditch Keeper, had nearly finished his breakfast. He shot her a quick glance, and his ears reddened. He began to toy around with a piece of bacon, as if searching for an excuse to remain behind at the table.  
"Harry, you're looking-"  
"I know, 'Mione," Harry said. "Ron and breakfast are waiting for you."  
Hermione nodded, patted his cheek quickly and went inside the Great Hall. Harry sighed and turned, bumping into something solid.  
"Sleepwalking, Potter?" Severus remarked acidly. The green eyes looked up at him, and Severus saw, with an uncharacteristic twinge of alarm, complete resignation in them, as if all the fight had gone out of the young man. The circles around his eyes were bluish-black, and the eyes themselves were reddened and their lids swollen, as if Harry had spent the better part of the night crying. Severus seemed to hear that frantic whispering again. He raised his hand and touched Harry's forehead briefly with a gentle hand. Harry stood still without shrinking from the touch, too tired to protest.  
"No fever," Severus murmured to himself, "but something else..."  
He stared into Harry's reddened eyes, but with no intention of using Legilimency.  
Pain, he told himself, this is pain. Depression. He will not be able to defeat Voldemort like this...  
"Harry Potter, I presume?" a musical voice said. Severus's mouth thinned as Marius approached Harry.  
"Yes, sir."  
They shook hands, Marius studying Harry's face intently.  
You look like you need some Healing," he said, retaining Harry's hand in his. More like sexual healing, Severus thought sourly.  
"The Headmaster has told me about the nature of your dreams, Harry – may I call you Harry?"  
Severus flushed with rage. Was Marius Rivers, the cheat and liar, becoming Dumbledore's new confidant?  
"Certainly, sir."  
"You are teaching him Occlumency, Severus?"  
"I am," Severus said icily.  
Marius released Harry's hand and directed a steely look towards his new colleague.  
"Aggressive Legilimency, Severus?"  
"There is no time to be mild and ridiculously patient. The Dark Lord, as you can imagine, is not patient," Severus snarled.  
Harry sensed the unpleasant tension between the two men and tried to beat a hasty retreat by excusing himself.  
"Please wait a moment, Harry," Marius said, touching him lightly on the shoulder.  
"Legilimency is always invasive and always aggressive," Severus observed.  
"My teacher was very gentle with me at first, Severus."  
"Are you telling me how to teach?" Severus hissed, enraged at how cleverly Marius was trying to win Harry's sympathy.  
"How destructive you have become, Severus, destroying everything and everyone around you." Severus wanted to hit Marius across the face, and his hand actually twitched. Marius was doing a wonderful job of opposing Severus and belittling him in front of the youth who hated him. But to the surprise of both men, a calm voice said:  
"Professor Snape has saved my life more than once, sir, and Professor Dumbledore trusts him. The whole school trusts him."  
Severus's eyes widened a fraction, and he met Harry's green gaze. And you, do you trust me? he wondered.  
Marius Rivers was silent for a few moments.

"You must both know what you are doing," he said finally, "but feel free to visit my office if the pain should become too much, Harry."

"I am sure the Headmaster knows what he's doing," Harry answered tersely.

He was not sure whether he could trust Professor Marius Rivers. The man seemed to want something. He reminded him of Ludo Bagman who had wanted to help Harry during the Triwizard Tournament – not for Harry's sake, but for his, Ludo's, own gain. Harry had the impression that Marius was actually bullying Severus, however much of a bully Severus Snape himself was; in this case, Harry felt that Marius's behaviour was patronising and unjustified. In the meantime, Harry's cool tone did not escape Marius; he nodded at Harry and Severus and left them. Both were silent, Harry wondering when Marius and Severus had met, since they obviously knew each other, and Severus wondering why Harry had actually defended him instead of gloating. The young wizard obviously had an opinion of his own, contrary to what Severus had always thought of him.

"Sir," Harry said in low haunted voice, "when you touched my forehead, you said that there was something…"

Severus looked back at him with hooded eyes.

"Nothing. There is nothing. Nothing you cannot block out with Occlumency."

"And if you taught me Legilimency first, sir, would I learn Occlumency more quickly?"

Severus laughed softly.

"You are interested in invading minds, Potter? Oh, you can invade a mind, Potter, and make a person go insane if the invasion is extremely brutal and done without sophistication. You can also go mad yourself, Potter. You don't know about the things some people have seen…"

"Would I go insane if I were to see what you have seen, sir?"

"No doubt, unless you have a very strong will. Even then, a strong will can turn against itself, and the consequences are mostly devastating. Legilimency, Potter, is even more difficult than Occlumency because it is extremely intimate. Legilimency – without your consent – is supposed to make you feel…exposed…vulnerable…mortified…insane…" Severus's voice dropped to an ominous whisper. Harry rubbed his forearms as if he was feeling cold.

"You, Potter, do not possess the subtlety or sophistication to learn Legilimency. Or Occlumency, for that matter. But, as you pointed out, the Headmaster knows what he is doing."

Severus whisked away. Harry leant against the wall, closing his eyes, which were prickling with tears of hopelessness. He went back to Gryffindor Tower to brush his teeth and wash his face. He lay down in bed for a little while; afterwards, he would do his homework, and in the evening, he had his Legilimency-learning session in the Room of Requirement; but somehow he felt that this was not an art they could learn without a capable Legilimens. Even Hermione's brilliance would not be of any use in this case, even if she insisted on learning _about_ Legilimency rather than on mastering the art itself. When he despondently walked down the stairs, absent-mindedly hearing a sound as if people were celebrating, a huge smile relieved the solemn expression on his face. Hermione and Ron were kissing like there was no tomorrow. All the students who were in the common room were clapping and whistling.

"At last!" he exclaimed. Hermione and Ron turned their faces, flushed and glowing with happiness. Ginny giggled.

"They were bickering as usual, and Ron suddenly kissed her. Just like that." She made a smacking sound with her fists. Harry laughed. He went to his friends and hugged them.

"I was waiting," he murmured to them. They both ruffled his hair and hugged him back. It was only natural that any lessons in any Rooms of Requirements were forgotten; instead, Ron and Hermione went out into the grounds in the evening for a walk while Harry finished all his homework so he could enjoy a chore-free Sunday.

---

Severus looked up irritably as someone knocked on the door of his private quarters. No one, with the exception of the Headmaster, ever came to see him. He consulted a mirror-like object on his table. With a sneer, he strode over to the door and opened it.

"Rivers," he said.

"What happened to 'Marius'?" the grey-eyed wizard wanted to know.

"He got lost in a past which I do not care for in the least."

"May I come inside?"

"You may not."

Marius laughed.

"You always had the ability to be exquisitely rude to people, my treasure."

"Do not call me by that name!" Severus hissed, trying to slam the door closed. Marius blocked it with his arm.

"Please. We need to talk."

Severus glared at him, then stepped back from the door.

"Don't waste my time, Rivers, and keep it short."

"I owe you an explanation for what happened at Potions school," Marius said, closing the door behind him.

Severus made a mocking gesture with his hand, prompting Marius to continue.

"My parents were threatening to cut me off, to stop supporting me financially if my marks didn't improve; worse, they told me that I was lucky that they were not disowning me. They were ashamed of having a gay son. I wanted to become a Healer; they wanted me to obtain my Potions Mastery, otherwise they would cut off all ties with me. I was desperate. I didn't want to lose my family, and I knew that you'd never let me publish your notes even if I asked you-"

"So that is your explanation?" Severus said softly, approaching Marius. His tone was gentle. Marius looked relieved.

"Yes, Severus. Do you think you can forgive me after all these years?"

Severus laughed. Marius's face tensed.

"Forgive you? After such an absurd explanation? Did your parents ask you or use the Imperius Curse on you that you decided to sleep with me? In the end, you did choose the career you wanted, did you not? The truth is that you did not trust me. You exploited me. You treated me like a plaything. Tell me, Rivers…" Severus came even closer to Marius, "how did your parents react when they realised that you like to take it up the ass?"

Marius's cheeks became stained with crimson.

"Don't talk to me like that, Snape," he warned Severus, making himself taller by stretching his back; but Severus simply laughed contemptuously.

"Marius Rivers, you are a pathetic coward."

Marius's grey eyes flashed.

"Is that so?"

"Yes," Severus replied, "and now, kindly get out of my rooms, Rivers."

Marius stepped towards Severus. Their noses nearly touched.

"You don't seem to have forgotten about me although it has been quite some time since we last saw each other. About twenty years. Tell me, Severus, did you miss me?"

"I never bothered to waste a thought on you, Rivers. You were always appallingly conceited. You seem to think that the world revolves around you."

"Liar," Marius said softly, "now who is pathetic?"

The two wizards glared at each other until Severus repeated:

"Get out of my rooms."

Marius stepped back with a short laugh.

"You missed me. I bet you missed me…inside you…if you know what I mean…"

"Spare me your crude innuendos and get out," Severus ordered coldly, seizing the other man's arm and pushing him roughly towards the door. Marius freed his arm.

"I can manage on my own."

"Really? You had to resort to lies and theft twenty years ago, and you had to seek asylum over here."

"People can manage on their own if they know when to ask for help," Marius answered.

"Do you want me to hex you out of my quarters, Rivers?"

"That won't be necessary," Marius said cordially; he opened the door and strolled away, humming. Severus ground his teeth and slammed the door closed with such force that the room echoed.

---


	19. Chapter 19

**CHAPTER 19**

**A/N: IMPORTANT: **I will soon be having exams; please check my profile page or my blog for information on the updating schedule (probably every 7 or 10 days from today, 13th March 2008, onwards). This chapter is the last of my regular and fast updates. Also, future chapters may be a bit short.  
---  
Severus grabbing Harry's hand in this chapter (ah, I can see your eyes sparkling…!) is inspired by the scene from the _Order of the Phoenix_ film by David Yates, where Severus seizes Harry's hand and drags him down to the dungeons for their first Occlumency lesson.

---

Severus was in a foul mood. Eyes flashing ominously, he strode through the corridors of Hogwarts castle, imagining how much he would like to kick Marius Rivers out of the castle. His Sunday was ruined; and on Monday evening, he had Potter's Occlumency lesson to look forward to. His thoughts shifted to the Potter brat. To his swollen eyes. Red, as if those eyes had been weeping drops of blood…The December morning was clear and very cold. Christmas anticipation was in the air and in the snowflakes which were falling from the sky. Severus walked on, glad to be on his own, undisturbed by Marius or Potter. But no, he was wrong; he caught sight of a lone figure standing near a tree, watching him quietly. Potter. He stopped and stared back; he decided to have an enjoyable Sunday by giving the brat an earful of sarcastic comments and strode towards the young wizard, who did not move from the spot. On reaching Harry, however, the sarcasm died upon his lips. The eyes were again red and swollen, and the youth looked thinner than ever.

"What in Merlin's name have you been doing with yourself, Potter?" he asked.

"Nothing, sir," Harry said, but Severus could actually hear the unspoken truth; the youth was despairing and trying not to yield to his despair.

"This is nothing?" Severus asked, brushing his index finger just beneath Harry's eye. Harry closed his eyes, and his eyelashes touched Severus's fingertip just before Severus drew back his hand.

"Just – just…" he trailed away, realising that lying to a Legilimens and a man like Severus Snape was something he was very bad at.

"Are you blocking out the visions from the Dark Lord?"

Harry's lips trembled.

"I can't. I…just can't…I…" He fought against his tears, determined not to cry in front of Severus Snape, of all people. Severus grasped Harry's arm.

"You can. And you _will_, Potter!" he snapped. Harry gazed up at him and smiled so bitterly that Severus was reminded of his own cynicism.

"_You_ are saying that to me? You, who have no faith at all in me?"

There was silence between them.

"Occlumency. Now. I will teach you until you have mastered Occlumency, and mastered it outstandingly! How else do you want to defeat the Dark Lord and avenge your parents' death?" Severus growled, shifting his grip to Harry's ungloved hand.

"And if you refuse to take care of yourself, such as walking around without gloves, then you will lose your strength," he added, his probing eyes noticing the raw redness covering Harry's knuckles, "now come with me."

Harry had opened his mouth to protest, but he closed it quickly and followed Severus's swift pace, nearly stumbling due to the man's urgency. Down in his office, Severus conjured a whole lot of blankets on the floor and pointed to them.

"The same exercise as last time," he said. Harry obediently removed his spectacles and shoes and lay down.

"This time, however, there will be no sounds. Close your eyes, listen to your breathing, and let go," Severus said. When will _you_ ever let go, Professor? Harry mused, settling himself on the blankets. Severus checked that he was relaxed; he tapped Harry's tense ankle.

"Loosen _every_ part of your body."

Harry complied.

After ten minutes, Severus said:

"You can open your and eyes and slowly…" he stopped, raising an eyebrow: the youth had gone to sleep. Severus stared down at Harry's face for a long time. Finally, he knelt next to him and simply continued looking at Harry. For one minute, Severus felt sure that Harry looked like a boy. Then he changed his mind and decided that this was a young man lying before him, the slightest shadow of a shaved beard underlining Harry's emerging adulthood. No one had ever told Severus about what happened to a boy's body when he reached puberty and started to grow up. It had been mystifying for him, seeing children's bodies and his body lengthen and sprout hair in the most awkward places; and witnessing the developing interest in the opposite sex had been all the more confusing for him, since he had preferred men from the very start of his sexual awareness. Harry Potter was a man; and like Severus, he was gay…Severus blinked. Was he actually starting to relate with Potter? Even sympathise with him? Severus frowned and stretched out a hand to wake him. His hand, however, remained frozen above Harry's shoulder, which he had been about to grip and shake. He drew back his hand. I am insane, he told himself, as he discovered himself drawing a blanket, to his own incredulity, over Harry's form. I am weak and foolish, and this is probably Marius's fault. Harry turned over on his side, hands moving up; he tucked one hand underneath his cheek and folded the other underneath his chin. Innocent, too innocent, Severus sighed inwardly with a stab of pain in his chest, and we are both branded by the Dark Lord…Severus quietly went over to his desk to correct assignments. It was nine o'clock in the morning. Two hours later, Severus pushed away the pile of essays; he leant back in his chair, rubbing his temples. Harry Potter was still slumbering peacefully. Severus shook the sluggishness off his limbs and rose, moving quietly. He could still hardly believe that he was allowing Potter to _sleep_ on his office floor, comfortably wrapped in warm blankets. Severus was about to bend and wake him up when the young wizard stirred.

Startled, Harry realised that he was lying on the floor in the Potions Master's office; he sat up, puzzled, and held his watch close to his eyes. Eleven o'clock. Two hours? Had he slept for two solid hours in the office of the bad-tempered Head of Slytherin?

"Ah, you are awake," a silky voice stated. Severus Snape glided over to him, stooping a little to scrutinise Harry's face.

"Did I sleep here for such a long time?" Harry asked groggily.

"You did, indeed."

A pause.

Harry moistened his dry lips.

"And…you…let me…?"

The man merely nodded stiffly.

Another pause. Harry was sure that he would have plenty to write down in his diary this evening.

"Thank you, sir," he said finally, smiling uncertainly.

"Your eyes are no longer swollen," Severus remarked as Harry rose and put on his shoes and glasses. He also folded the blankets neatly.

"Leave them on the floor," Severus said, "your little friend will fetch them later."

"Dobby?" Harry asked, surprised.

"Yes – Mr Malfoy's former house elf." Harry could have sworn that he saw Severus's lips twitch in a rather smug expression. "The Headmaster assigned him to me after his sudden interest in my stock of Gillyweed."

Harry went a bit red.

"Er…how did you…uh…find out, sir? If I may ask?"

"I mentioned the, ah, disappearance of the herb to the Headmaster and suggested that the…borrower submit to a series of detentions. Albus kindly revealed the identity of the borrower to me in order to alleviate misplaced suspicions. He also suggested a compromise."

"Oh…I see," Harry said, feeling rather guilty. What if this arrangement had triggered another period of misery for Dobby?

"I assure you that you have no cause for anxiety, Potter. Dobby is hale and hearty."

Harry actually laughed.

"He has always been rather energetic," he remarked, recalling his second year and Dobby's extreme attempts to "save" his life.

"Let us begin with Occlumency," Severus said.

"Erm, can I just go to the bathroom quickly?" Harry asked, "I mean, on the ground floor." He didn't want Severus to think that he was bold enough to use his, Severus's, own bathroom.

Severus nodded curtly. Harry left and returned quickly.

"I hope you washed your hands," Severus said. Harry stared at him, shocked.

"Naturally!" he said, "I must say that I grew up with very thorough hygiene standards."

"Thank Merlin for small favours," Severus said dryly. No one had cared much about cleanliness in his own home, and he himself had been lax about his appearance until he had met Marius. After their break-up, he had not bothered, simply washing his hair with water and nothing else. And then, Dumbledore had gifted him with that hair care set. He still had to remember to cut his hair.

"Stand there, near the wall, and take out your wand."

Harry obeyed. They looked into each other's eyes, Harry preparing to resist the invasion just like he resisted the Imperius Curse.

"_Legilimens!"_

Harry felt his mind being invaded; then, with a sense of determination he had never felt before, he resisted, struggling with all his might. He felt himself raise his wand and utter something, but he did not know what; the next moment, a Shield Charm was separating him from Severus, and his head was filled with images flowing from Severus's mind to his; he could see a young Severus and an equally young Marius Rivers lying in bed, undressing and kissing each other…Then his head cleared as Severus lifted the charm after a few moments.

"Did you use the spell consciously?"

"No, sir," Harry answered, digesting the image he had just seen. So that was why the two professors seemed so tense around each other. They had obviously been lovers…

"You must learn to be aware of how you protect yourself; and later on, you will not use any spells or charms to defend yourself against me; you will rely on mental magic alone – on fully fledged Occlumency. And…" Severus approached Harry, black eyes boring into the green ones behind the spectacles, "you will not tell anyone what you saw or will see. The Headmaster needs his Pensieve."

"I will not say anything, sir. I swear."

"I will know if you break your oath. Let us continue."

Half an hour passed; Harry resisted valiantly, and with success; towards the end of the lesson, when he became tired, he still managed to ward off Severus's attack, although it took longer, and his protective spells – it looked like the Shield Charm was his favourite – became weaker.

"You need more stamina, Potter," Severus said, "but I see that teaching you Occlumency is not completely pointless. We will meet tomorrow. You may go."

Harry nodded and walked towards the door. He hesitated; then he turned.

"Yes, Potter? Is there something you want to say?" Severus asked disinterestedly.

"Thank you. I want to say, 'thank you'," Harry said. He opened the door and closed it quietly behind him.

Severus traced his mouth with his finger for a minute or two, his dark eyes pensive with contemplation.

---

"Where were you?" Hermione asked as soon as Harry entered the common room.

"We were getting worried," Ron said, his arm around Hermione's shoulder.

"I had an impromptu Occlumency lesson with Snape, and I slept for two hours in his office after he found me outside in the grounds," Harry said.

"What?" Ron exclaimed.

Harry explained everything to them. Hermione smiled.

"Well, it looks like we can cancel the Room of Requirement sessions. But what brought on the change?" she asked.

"When I woke up, I found a blanket wrapped around me. I clearly remember lying on many blankets but not having one which covered me. Snape covered me, and he let me sleep for two solid hours in his office. He seemed…different. Is it because I defended him when that Rivers Professor was patronising him…?" Harry had told his friends about Marius's behaviour towards Severus on Saturday. However, true to his word to Severus, he did not tell them about the image he had seen only a short while before. Apart from his promise, he was convinced that Ron was gleefully spread the news about Severus and Marius having been lovers at one time. He himself was on far too familiar terms where having one's private life dragged about in public was concerned.

"I have no idea why he let me sleep in his office or why he covered me with the blanket. I guess he's trying to make an effort after all these years…Guess we're both trying to make an effort," he said slowly.

"Well, whatever it is, I'm really happy that Professor Snape and you are getting on better," Hermione beamed.

"Urgh," Ron said.

Harry didn't hear him. Inwardly, he could still see that memory of Severus and Marius as lovers. Hands unbuttoning shirts and trousers, bodies crushed together, those open-mouthed kisses…Harry wondered what kissing another man was like.

---


	20. Chapter 20

**CHAPTER 20**

A/N: thfy: in spite of what you say about not being against gay people (which is obviously not true), I am deleting your review as I find it unacceptable and homophobic to say that "being gay gives an impression of 'sissyness'"; and when has Severus ever called Harry "'Hey pussy!'" in any of my stories? Also, reading that I have "just ruined the heroic and brave image of him (Harry)" is something which I consider totally ridiculous. Obviously, you associate homosexuality with weakness and stupidity. So why did you read the story if it disturbs you? I clearly indicated that it contains homosexuality. You expressed a wish to read Harry/Ginny stories. I am sure the search engine will help you. I, however, will not.  
x  
To all the readers and reviewers (with the exception of flamers): thanks a million for your patience!  
x  
Finally, I'll have to use "x" instead of dashes in order to separate paragraphs where there's a plot jump or something similar - looks like serial dashes are no longer accepted! 

xxx

Severus Snape strode along the corridor briskly. His hair was neatly trimmed, the tips just dipping over his shoulders. It was Monday, and he taken the opportunity to visit Hogsmeade before a meeting with the Headmaster and his lesson with Harry Potter. Equipped with stocks for potions and a blessedly liberating haircut, he felt refreshed. That, is until he saw Marius Rivers talking to Harry. His mouth thinned. 

"I know only too well that a student's life is a busy one, Harry," Marius was saying, "which is why I'm sure that you would benefit from a coffee with me."

"It is very kind of you, Professor, but I really don't have the time."

"Maybe you could find a slot this Saturday. It's a Hogsmeade weekend, isn't it?"

"I'm already booked," Harry said firmly. 

"Besides, Rivers, teachers do not usually take their students out for coffees, nor do they frequently leave the school grounds with them," Severus said coldly, thinking it high time to intervene even if he was pleased that Harry was holding Marius off; but the youth was being too polite. 

"Ah. Severus. You are simply everywhere," Marius remarked dryly. Harry looked into Severus's dark eyes, relief evident in his own green ones. 

"What are you loitering around in the corridors for, Potter? Haven't you got homework to do?"

Harry understood; Severus was telling him to leave, and leave quickly. 

"Yes, sir."

He walked away from the two teachers. Severus smiled grimly.

"It appears that your attempts to, ah, befriend Potter are not very successful," he commented. 

"He was looking tired. I thought he could use some refreshment," Marius replied defensively. 

"Don't we all look tired, Rivers? And I am well acquainted with your ideas of refreshment," Severus answered. 

"Is this another quarrel you are trying to pick with me?"

"My dear Rivers-"

Marius interrupted him by stepping very close to Severus.

"There was a time when you used to call me by my first name. When you used to..." Marius approached his lips to Severus's ear, "...cry out my name with pleasure, my treasure..."

Severus flushed with a mixture of rage and arousal. He did not bother to acknowledge the latter sentiment, even if his body did. 

"You disgust me, Rivers," he spat, turning on his heel and continuing his route to Dumbledore's office. There was no sound or reaction from Marius.

When he reached the gargoyle, Severus took a couple of calming breaths before uttering the password. The door of Dumbledore's office was open, and the wise wizard offered him tea and biscuits, which Severus declined. 

"I wanted to talk to you about Harry's lessons, Severus. How is he doing?"

"There has been a change in his Occlumency lessons," Severus said slowly. "He managed to block my attacks yesterday."

"Yesterday? Yesterday was a Sunday...?"

"I found him wandering about outside yesterday morning. I decided on an impromptu Occlumency lesson."

"And he suddenly managed? Just like that?"

"It would seem so," Severus said, not thinking at all relevant to tell Dumbledore that Harry had slept like an angel in his office for two solid hours. 

Dumbledore leant back, smiling. Even his beard seemed to beam. 

"Ah. You are starting to trust each other."

Severus was silent.

"You will be resuming the duelling lessons this week?" 

"Yes, on Friday."

"Any news from or about Voldemort or the Death Eaters, Severus?" Dumbledore asked next.

"Nothing so far, Albus."

There was a small silence. Then Dumbledore continued:

"How are you and Marius getting on, my dear boy?"

Severus's lip curled.

"You will be interested to hear that Rivers seems rather keen on Potter's company."

Dumbledore raised his eyebrows.

"Indeed? How come?"

"I just came across him trying to invite Potter to have a coffee with him in Hogsmeade."

"Ah, most straightforward of Marius…Did you say, 'trying'?"

"Potter refused his offer, but River seemed a little...insistent. Even if Rivers's actual teaching schedule starts only next September and will therefore exclude Potter as his future student-"

"I understand your anxiety, Severus."

"But?" Severus bit out harshly. 

"Well, Severus, you do tend to worry a bit too much sometimes."

Severus's chair scraped on the tiles as the Potions Master stood up roughly.

"And if Rivers abuses your mercy and his duties as a teacher and-"

"Severus, I am convinced that Marius will not do anything inappropriate to Harry or any of the other students, if that is what you are implying. Besides, I am sure Harry is capable of looking after himself in that respect."

"Is that so? Rivers is rather persuasive, in case you need reminding, Albus," Severus said rudely, "would you have him toy around with Potter?"

Dumbledore stood up and took Severus's hands in his. 

"Severus, child, I know why you are anxious. I know that Marius hurt you deeply back then. But Harry refused Marius's invitation, didn't he?"

"His advances, you mean," Severus said bitterly. Dumbledore pressed Severus's slender hands and put one arm around Severus's shoulders. Severus felt a stabbing pain in his chest. His own father had never called him "child" or touched him with respect or affection. 

"Harry is an adult," Dumbledore resumed. 

"So was I back then," Severus retorted.

"I am sure Marius has changed."

"I will nevertheless be watching Rivers's movements," Severus said expressionlessly. Dumbledore withdrew his arm.

"I am pleased to hear about Harry's progress in Occlumency, Severus," he resumed their original topic. 

"If he continues making an effort and improving, then I will teach him advanced Occlumency."

Fawkes the phoenix raised his head and uttered a few flute-like trills. Dumbledore was beaming.

"Splendid! I will still require my Pensieve, though. I hope you don't mind, Severus."

Severus merely shrugged. 

"I shall not delay you, my dear boy. Have an enjoyable Occlumency lesson with Harry."

Severus snorted and paced out of the room.

"Severus, just one more thing."

"Yes, Albus?"

"Nice haircut."

xxx 

"Do not go to sleep again, Potter," Severus greeted Harry, pointing at the blankets on the floor.

"I will try not to, sir," Harry replied. He took off his shoes and glasses and padded over to the blankets. They were thick, very soft and warm. Harry snuggled into them, wondering if anyone else had ever managed to feel even vaguely comfortable in Severus Snape's presence and office. Severus bent over him to check if he was relaxed; then he let ten minutes pass in complete silence; the only sound was Harry's soft breathing. 

"You may open your eyes and get up slowly," he said at last. Harry stretched and rose to his feet, his hair more tousled than ever. He tried to pat it down automatically, and Severus found himself smirking inwardly at the fruitlessness of the ingrained habit. 

"Did you have any visions from the Dark Lord?"

"No, sir." Harry thought a little and asked:

"None of the books I have read are explicit about blocking attacks in one's sleep. How can I do so when I am in an unconscious-like state, sir?"

"When you dream, Potter," Severus said softly, "are you aware of who you are? That you are Harry Potter? When you were in Nagini's body during Arthur Weasley's attack, you were conscious of yourself being in another body. You were still you."

Harry nodded.

"You can turn into other people and creatures in your dreams, of course, but in these visions which are being sent to you deliberately, the Dark Lord is trying to target you – the way you are. Besides, you mostly have a sense of your own identity in your dreams. If being an Occlumens is part of your identity, Potter, then the faculty of blocking out spells will accompany you in your dreams, and your dream-self will be conscious of this and use this ability. In order for Occlumency to become a natural part of your faculties, Potter, thorough practising is essential," Severus explained, drawing out his wand. 

Harry nodded again and took out his wand, too.

"In this lesson, you must learn to become conscious of which defensive spells you are using. This will also help you to become aware of your Occlumentic abilities when you dream. Should you succeed, Potter, then you will be introduced to the more refined branch of Occlumency, without the use of wands or spells," Severus said impassively. 

The two wizards practised for a solid hour. Harry was exhausted by the end but pleased with his success. During the last ten minutes, he had finally managed to become conscious of the defensive spells he was using. Severus did not make any comment, which Harry knew was a sign of approval, but he did observe that Harry needed more stamina. 

"You will kindly do us both the favour of eating more. You have the appetite, or ought to have the appetite, of a growing adolescent – even if you are considered an adult in the wizarding world, Potter."

Harry made a mental note to write down in his diary that the Potions Master, of all people, had actually talked about keeping a healthy diet. Severus dismissed the youth and sat down, tapping his wand absent-mindedly against his palm. A few minutes later, there was a knock on his door. Severus glanced at his Visitor Glass and his eyes narrowed ominously. 

"What do you want, Rivers?" he called. 

The door opened, admitting Marius. 

"Severus, I want to talk things over for once and for all."

"I am not interested," Severus snapped, rising from his chair and staring Marius in the eye. The taller wizard bent his head a little so that a few strands of his wavy dark-brown hair brushed Severus's forehead. 

"What do you really want, Rivers?" Severus asked in a low dangerous voice. 

"You," Marius breathed.

xxx


	21. Chapter 21

**CHAPTER 21**

A/N: No, Harry is not in the room during Severus's and Marius's argument. Severus dismissed him beforehand, and Marius visited the dungeons a few minutes later – it's in the paragraph before the last dialogue of the chapter.  
Okay, so I was so delighted with Johnny Weir (American figure skater) winning the bronze medal in Sweden that I hammered out this chapter!

xxx

"So you want me, Rivers?" Severus whispered. "Well, that is out of the question. I am not _something_ you can want, like a product you can remove from a shelf, throw away and then retrieve from the trash, or replace with another product. I am not your toy, Rivers. You, as a Healer, should know how to treat people."

"I believe that you are rather hard on your students, Severus."

"At least my students are aware of it."

"I do not treat people like things, Severus."

Severus stared into Marius's eyes, carefully probing the man's feelings with Legilimency. Severus had often thought if he had known Legilimency back then, then he would not have fallen into Marius's trap. But now he was a Master Legilimens, and he could probe people's minds without their knowledge, especially if he distracted them with skilful dialogue. It was tremendously difficult to do such a thing – listen and talk to the other person and invade his or her mind at the same time.

"You only want to profit from people, Rivers. You could be a servant of the Dark Lord sent to establish an elaborate hoax in order to be stationed at Hogwarts and try to find a-"

Marius's grey eyes flashed.

"I was tested thoroughly beforehand, and I abhor You-Know-Who's activities. In fact, it is you, Severus, who serves him."

"And still you say that you want me," Severus laughed mockingly and subtly breaking the Legilimentic link by blinking but not averting his eyes from Marius's grey ones. He had got the information he wanted during those few seconds. He had discerned guilt in Marius. Guilt towards Severus, and sexual desire because Marius considered Severus powerful. Severus, after all, taught Harry Potter, was close to one of the most skilled wizards in the world and held an impressive post at a prestigious school. In addition, Severus had direct access to Voldemort. Severus also caught genuine feelings of affection towards himself – but affection like someone would have towards a decorative little lapdog. Severus felt his lip curl with scorn. So that was what Marius wanted. Sex and power, and the opportunity to get both simultaneously. And finally, Severus discovered, with a strong twinge of disgust, the desire to seduce Harry Potter.

Severus Snape was a vindictive man. He could profit from Marius. Merlin, he had not had satisfactory sex for such a long time!…and he could kick Marius out just like Marius had given him the boot…But the most important thing was to keep Marius away from Harry Potter.

"You want Harry Potter. Fame is attractive, isn't it, Rivers? He is an adult, he is known to be gay thanks to the media, he is most probably sexually inexperienced – he's just the right kind of prey for you, isn't that so, Rivers? But apart from that boring brat…"

He approached his lips to Marius's ear, pushing back the thick brown hair with one hand, his body pressed against Marius's tall figure. Gently, Severus ground his hips against Marius's.

"Tell me…Marius…does it arouse you to know how dangerous my other…profession…is?"

He could hear Marius's breathing accelerate.

"Would you like to fuck me again?" Severus's hand slid down and grasped Marius's hip, crushing their abdomens together.

"Do you want to hear me call out your name when I come?" Severus continued, his voice silky and seductive. Marius gasped softly.

"I want to fuck you, Marius," Severus murmured to him, increasing the movements of his hips. Marius's body tensed; the Healer started to pant, and when his fingers dug into Severus's back, Severus, familiar with Marius's body and reactions even after so many years of not seeing him, recognised the signs from the past; Marius was close to the point of maximum pleasure. Severus planned his moment of revenge with exquisite preciseness, and when Marius began to moan, he shoved Marius away from him. Startled, Marius stumbled backwards and fell onto his backside. Severus approached him and placed his booted foot between his parted thighs, nudging Marius's crotch.

"If we are done-" a nudge with the boot, "-with _talking_," – another nudge, "then I suggest that you leave my office, Rivers. Now."

Severus withdrew his foot. Marius got up, his face flushed with mortification.

"You are well versed in the art of revenge, Snape," he remarked, trying to keep his voice under control. He was still breathing heavily with arousal.

"Now you know," Severus drawled, returning to his desk. He dipped his quill into the inkwell and started to grade essays, ignoring Marius's burning stare. Marius turned and left, shoulders rigid with humiliation and fury. Severus continued correcting the essay, only interrupting his work to go up to the Great Hall for dinner.

xxx

In the meantime, Harry was brooding in the Gryffindor common room after having dinner and finishing his homework. Hermione and Ron were talking quietly a corner, occasionally exchanging a kiss. In their sixth year, the students had received compulsory sex education lessons from Madam Pomfrey. Harry had been pleased to see that homosexuality and bisexuality were also included and discussed as the perfectly normal sexual preferences they were. Harry had been rather pleasantly surprised that Wizarding Britain was quite open-minded about homosexuality, considering its hostility and prejudices towards werewolves or the powerful little elves whom they had brainwashed into servitude. Same-sex couples could marry and adopt children without major obstacles. On the other hand, conservative people, especially the so-called Purebloods, disapproved of homosexuality. Harry could imagine the "values" which had been hammered into Draco Malfoy's mind. He was wondering if he would ever find a man who would love him the way he was, someone who would love him as Harry, the person he truly was, without all that burdening fame. Maybe a Muggle would love him that way. A Muggle would not know about Harry's fame. But he would also not know about the wizarding world…And how could he possibly waste his thoughts on a trivial thing like love when there was a murderous wizard reaching out for him all the time? And if he did find love at this stage, then his partner would be in as much danger as himself. Voldemort would be keen on targeting that person…Harry sighed and closed his eyes. He had been born to finish off a wizard, not to be loved. Harry turned his attention to a fresh block of wood sitting next to him on the sofa. He had plans to carve an owl this time. For this purpose, he would use Hedwig as a model. Harry jumped up and went in quest of the Owlery. He soon returned with Hedwig clinging to his arm.

"You don't mind, do you?" he asked her. She hooted, inspecting the piece of wood. Harry sketched her outline on a large piece of paper, coaxing Hedwig every now and then to move as little as possible. When he had finished, he returned with her to the Owlery, pressed his cheek for a moment against her feathery head and gave her a couple of treats. She nibbled fondly as his fingers.

"Another bird?" Ron when Harry walked inside the common room. He was studying the sketch Harry had left on the table. Hermione was playing Gobstones with Ginny.

"I like birds."

"How about a human being for a change? Or a dragon?"

"Maybe."

"Something wrong, mate?" Ron wanted to know.

"Nothing."

"Something is always wrong when you talk in monosyllables."

"Just tired, Ron. I had Occlumency today. I'm improving, but it's tiring nevertheless."

The truth was that Harry had seen more flashes of Severus's memories, including moments of passionate trysts between Severus and Marius besides shouting matches between Severus's parents. Learning such personal information about his detested Potions Master unnerved him; also, it had never occurred to him to regard or any of other his teachers – least of all Severus Snape – as people who "got down to business", as Ron liked to put it. Seeing a passionate Severus was confusing to him, considering how cold and solitary the man was. Something had probably gone wrong, maybe even horribly wrong, with the relationship, Harry thought. Maybe Marius had cheated on Severus? Marius had been unusually charming to Harry. The side effect of being famous – especially unwillingly famous – was that he was especially cautious around people who expressed a marked interest in him; he did not trust Marius Rivers at all. He recalled the Polyjuiced Alastor Moody in his fourth year. He abruptly picked up the block of wood, determined to clear his head from such gloomy reflections. It was important for him to relax after having to ward off so many Legilimentic attacks from Severus, who no longer commented on the memories which he gleaned from Harry's mind during the fifteen or twenty seconds Harry took to collect his forces and ward off the attack. In the books on mental magic, he had read that the whole particularly beginners of Occlumency and Legilimency tended to feel physically and mentally drained. He hoped that he would be able to just the same fend off the nightmares which he knew would visit him at night.

xxx

Marius Rivers followed Severus out of the Great Hall after dinner.

"Severus. Please wait."

"What do you want now?" Severus snapped, his dark eyes blazing.

"I still want _you_," Marius said, boldly grabbing Severus's hand. Severus snatched his fingers away.

"There is always autoerotic stimulation. And there are other people, Rivers. You cannot say that your choice is limited to my person," Severus answered, surveying him coldly from head to toe.

"It's not the same thing!"

"Why not?" Severus asked curtly.

"What we had back then, you and I…it was passionate."

Severus narrowed his eyes thoughtfully. He decided to profit from Marius. Why not get some sex free of charge for a change? he thought cynically.

"Yes, it was passionate," he admitted.

Their gazes smouldered.

"You want me, too," Marius whispered.

"I remember that your performance was quite inspiring," Severus agreed loftily. Marius laughed.

"That's one thing which has not changed. Your sarcasm and vocabulary."

"What a relief for you," was Severus's dry answer.

Another deep gaze.

"No strings attached?" Marius said finally.

"Obviously," Severus said with a curl of his lip.

"Blood test?"

"I'll send you my test receipt if you send me yours. However, I insist on condoms."

"Fine, no problem. I also have a strict safety policy. When shall we inaugurate our arrangement?" Marius asked casually.

"Tomorrow night," Severus said succinctly.

"What time?"

"Ten will do."

"Your quarters or mine?" Marius asked.

"Be my host."

Marius smiled.

"I'll see you then, Severus," he said, his voice slightly husky.

"I certainly hope that our activities will surpass the visual," Severus commented, striding away.

xxx


	22. Chapter 22

**CHAPTER 22**

A/N: piuk: yes, I was glued to the TV to watch the figure skating championships besides studying! ;-)

Okay, this chapter contains rather rough slash. I felt quite nervous writing the sexual scenes, I don't think I've ever written so…well, not graphically…but so…_bluntly_ before, kind of…I was all the time worried to keep it within the M-rating limit :-) It was important to write bluntly, as I put it, in order to create a contrast between the Severus-Marius interaction and Severus-Harry interaction :-)

The next chapter will be up in another week.

xxx

Marius Rivers had been given spacious quarters on the third floor; but Severus did not bother about walking from the dungeons to Marius's rooms late on a Tuesday night; instead, he used the Floo, appreciatively aware of the fact that Marius would consider this rude. Marius was indeed startled: his grey eyes narrowed for a moment, then a smile raised the corners of his mouth.

"I should have known that you would not use the door," he said.

"I didn't expect you to know after twenty years," came the impassive answer.

There was a brief silence during which the two men sized each other up.

"Do you want anything to drink or to eat?" Marius asked courteously after a few seconds.

"No, thank you," Severus said, still sounding impassive.

Marius came close to him and placed his hands on Severus's hips.

Severus suddenly grabbed the front of Marius's robes, crushing their bodies together. Marius uttered a low laugh in his throat. He leant in and kissed Severus on the lips.

Severus responded forcefully to the kiss, shoving his tongue into Marius's mouth. It was a prelude to a series of needy kisses; hands wandered everywhere.

"Where is your bedroom?" Severus said urgently.

"This way."

Marius led Severus to his bedroom. Severus pressed Marius roughly against the bed, forcing Marius to lie down on it. He tugged at Marius's robes. Both men were panting with want.

"You used to be so timid," Marius murmured as Severus flung his robes aside and started on Marius's shirt and trousers, "you are a lot more affirmative, now, Sev. I like it."

"Stop talking, and don't call me 'Sev'," Severus growled, peeling down Marius's trousers. Marius removed his shirt and reached out to undress Severus. Severus slapped his hands away. Marius laughed, stretching out on the bed, naked and aroused. Severus was soon ready; he prepared Marius and drew a condom over his aching sex. Their intercourse was rough, even violent. They pulled fiercely at each other's hair. Marius dug his nails into Severus's back, leaving little bleeding crescents. Severus marked Marius's throat and abdomen with angry red love bites, or rather lust bites. Marius hissed with pleasure during Severus's frenzied thrusts. The poles and ceiling of the four-poster bed wobbled with their movements. The next morning, Marius would discover bruises on his shoulders where Severus had buried his fingers during his climax. They spent half the night rutting fiercely. The sheets and they themselves were sticky with spit, sweat and come. Several used condoms had been flung carelessly onto the floor. It was one o'clock in the morning when Severus departed, sated and completely exhausted. Marius could still smell the scent of their savage sex when he woke up in the morning, his body protesting painfully in tender places.

Severus, for his part, slept deeply. He, too, woke up feeling sore and achy. He was unusually hungry and had some more breakfast than usual. Marius gave him a small wink which Severus acknowledged with a sneer. His bottom lip was cut after Marius had smashed his mouth against his during the wild throes of passion. Severus had not bothered to heal it. Dumbledore, however, noticed.

"If you would allow me, my dear boy…that cut looks rather nasty…" he said, tapping Severus's lip with his wand and murmuring a quick musical spell.

"Thank you, Albus," Severus said with uncharacteristic politeness. Dumbledore beamed. During supper, Severus discovered Marius sitting next to him.

"When do we meet again?" Marius murmured to him, boldly sliding his hand into Severus's napkin-covered lap; the other teachers were absorbed in their conversations; Dumbledore was talking to McGonagall.

"What do you think you are doing?" Severus hissed softly.

"Giving you an hors-d'oeuvre," Marius whispered. Severus felt infinitely grateful that the staff table was a safe distance away from the House tables, and that the massive tabletop and its long Christmas tablecloth sheltered his lap securely. Severus was also profoundly grateful to his training as a spy and his abilities as a skilled Occlumens. He managed to keep his face completely impassive when he came within a few minutes, Marius's skilful hand still twisting in his lap. The only sign he betrayed was the involuntarily clenching of his fingers around his cutlery; his knuckles turned white with the pressure, and his cheeks became stained with crimson. He bowed his head over his plate as if concentrating on his food.

"How about tonight?" Severus answered Marius's question.

"Same time?"

"In my rooms."

"Certainly, Severus. You are most hospitable."

"It is a…pleasure," Severus smirked.

xxx

Later that day, Severus was lying in bed, one arm casually pillowing his head as he watched Marius dress. Their second "round" had been just as frantic and wild as their first one. Severus had scratches on his neck where Marius had clawed at him, and Marius himself was looking like he had been flung amidst a colony of enraged Bowtruckles. They both healed their injuries with their wands. Severus rudely declined Marius's Healing services.

"I had to take a few compulsory Healing courses for my Potions Mastery," he said coldly.

Marius shrugged.

"Tell me if you change your mind."

"That will never happen."

"When do we meet again?"

"We'll see," Severus said dismissively.

"Fine," Marius answered, buttoning up his robes and reaching for Severus's hairbrush.

"Do not touch my possessions," Severus said sharply.

"If you say so," Marius said, raising an eyebrow at Severus's rudeness. He combed his hair with his fingers and performed a small charm on his dark-brown locks with his wand.

"It is late at night. No one is going to see you except for the portraits," Severus said acidly.

"You never know – portraits like to spread rumours."

"You have always cared about what other people think."

"As if you don't care about what others think. I'll see you later," Marius said. Severus reacted with a lazy wave of his arm. Marius left. Severus realised that it was the very first time anyone had ever shared his bed at Hogwarts. In fact, he had never even had any carnal adventures in the castle which had sheltered him for such a long time.

xxx

It was Friday, and Harry was punctual when he opened the door of Severus's office. The man had told him irritably to stop knocking every time and to simply enter – his wards would recognise Harry. Harry had been quite surprised, interpreting Severus's adjusting of his wards for his, Harry's sake, as an oddly considerate gesture. He stepped inside the room and saw that Severus was not alone. Marius was with him.

"Ah, Mr Potter," Marius greeted him. So he has decided to use my surname because I made it clear that I'm not interested in him, Harry thought with amusement.

"Professor Rivers," he answered aloud, giving the tall wizard a brief nod. He looked at Severus.

"Am I intruding, sir? I can return later."

"No, Potter," Severus said curtly, "Rivers is on his way out."

Harry blinked as Marius exchanged a full-mouthed demonstrative kiss with Severus. Harry was sure that tongues were involved.

"Later," Marius murmured, his hand brushing Severus's hip. He cast a rather arrogant glance at Harry and strolled out of the room, closing the door behind him.

"Don't worry, Potter. You can continue trusting me," Severus said with a slight sneer, noticing the rather startled expression on Harry's face, "even if I am involved with someone neither you nor I trust."

"You don't trust him, you don't even seem to like him, but…Sorry, I know that this is none of my business," Harry said; this was too personal, too intimate.

"Not bad, Potter. You are learning manners and limits. My arrangement with Rivers is of a nature which does not require confiding in the other."

"I…Er…No, it's nothing," Harry trailed away, embarrassed.

"Nothing? Kindly tell me what you were about to say, Potter."

"It's just that…if you're sharing such intimacy with someone, then how can there be no trust?"

"It depends on the amount of trust. There is enough trust to benefit our arrangement, and that's it, Potter," Severus said with a tone of finality. Harry was still looking startled.

"And…love?" He could hardly believe he was asking Severus such a question.

"Are you truly so naïve, Potter? People have different notions of love. I, for my part, don't care about a thing as asinine as love. It does more damage than good." Severus said scornfully.

"So when my mother sacrificed herself because she loved me…was that asinine?" Harry wanted to know.

Severus wanted to give the youth a cruel hurtful answer, something along the lines that if his parents hadn't loved them, then no one would be burdened with Harry today; but looking into the serious, even sad, green eyes, he was reminded of that strange vision he had had of Harry rocking back and forth on his bed, pleading for help…

"No. It was not," he said finally. He came close to Harry and gently stroked back Harry's fringe. Harry remained still. Severus studied the scar for a few moments.

"No, it was not," he repeated, "that it was never."

I never had a mother or father who loved me. Would my mother have tried to save me if Voldemort had aimed the curse at me? I doubt very much. She would have given in. Maybe even offered me to him to recruit…Severus turned his back on Harry.

"Come, we shall duel in the classroom."

Harry followed Severus out, confused by the Potions Master. He had seen Marius and Severus kissing via Occlumency and spontaneous Legilimency; but he had never seen two men actually kiss so erotically right in front of him in the same room. Severus Snape in action, he mused and discovered that the thought did not disgust him at all. In fact, he had to honestly admit that he had found that kiss rather…sexy. Harry blinked to himself and thrust the thought aside; he had a duelling lesson, and he had to concentrate.

The lesson was just as exhausting as Occlumency. Harry, however, found it a thrilling sport, especially when confronted with an opponent like Severus Snape. Severus noticed that the youth moved with a dancer's gracefulness and light-footedness; his movements were fluid, and the way those green eyes flashed at him from behind the spectacles was rather engaging.

The duel ended with a drenched Severus and a panting Harry, who had warded off a series of small fireballs by directing the strongest _Aguamenti_ charm he could produce.

"Sorry, sir," Harry said as Severus cast a Drying Charm on himself.

"You may leave," Severus said, ignoring his apology, "please read chapters five, six and seven in this book for next our next lesson."

Severus Summoned said book and held it out to Harry, rather than thrusting it at him.

"Thank you."

Harry went back to Gryffindor Tower with the tome under one arm, replaying that kiss in his mind and cursing himself for doing so.

xxx


	23. Chapter 23

**CHAPTER 23**

A/N: The Greek legend of Apollo and Hyacinthus is not invented – it exists! :-) Also, for those who haven't visited my blog during the last few weeks: Kaeldra Rhiannon has made a beautiful drawing of Severus and Harry for my blog, and that's where you can admire it if you're interested! Do feel free to send your comments to Kaeldra - you will find her profile address just underneath the picture and in my posts concerning the drawing. Thanks again for all the trouble, Kaeldra!

xxx

The days passed, and Christmas arrived. Harry had improved so much during Occlumency that he paid more attention in Potions as well, although he knew that he could not draw level with Hermione; but that was not his aim. Hermione was far more pushy and ambitious where school was concerned. To everyone's surprise, including Harry's, Severus stopped making spiteful comments or belittling Harry's brewing abilities, much to Draco Malfoy's dismay. During their last lesson before the holidays, when Severus told Harry that they would continue with advanced Occlumency and a more rigid duelling program after the Christmas holidays, Harry was quite pleased.

"You have, astonishingly enough, made an effort and shown that you are capable of listening and learning," Severus said with his customary sarcasm. Harry was used to it and was less vulnerable to its sting. Severus, too, was learning. He was aware of developing a reluctant respect for the son of his nemesis; he no longer regarded him as a spoilt brat; whatever flashes of memories he could glean from Harry's mind before Harry could block him out reminded him of Harry's unhappy life at home.

"After the Christmas holidays, we will move on to advanced Occlumency. You will learn to rely on mental magic and willpower; no more wand-waving, no more spells and no more incantations."

Harry looked determinedly into Severus's black eyes.

"Yes, sir."

"NEWTS or no NEWTS – I want to see you work hard. The same goes for duelling. It cannot be denied that you have made progress; you will undergo thorough training without whining."

"I never whine!" Harry exclaimed indignantly.

Severus's face remained impassive.

"It is time for you to leave – I have an appointment with Rivers," he said.

Harry nodded, wondering again how Severus could possibly have a relationship, albeit purely physical, with someone he evidently disliked.

xxx

The Christmas break was peaceful with the exception of the occasional Dementor attack in random parts of Britain; everyone was so used to reading about such attacks that the routine had blunted the horror. Harry and his friends, however, were worried that Voldemort, who had been unusually quiet for a just as unusually long period of time, would choose the festive season to attack; but nothing happened, and Harry spent Christmas with the Weasleys. Hermione went home to her own family and joined the Weasleys and Harry for New Year; afterwards, the three friends returned to Hogwarts under the supervision of the Aurors Moody and Tonks.

Severus, in the meantime, continued his violent trysts with Marius during the holidays. They were both satisfied with this arrangement. However, when Marius suggested that Severus adjust the wards to his private quarters and office to allow Marius to enter at will, an argument broke out between them: Severus flatly refused to do anything of the sort.

"You have got the Floo. What more do you want?" Severus pointed out, drawing on his robes after a particularly raunchy round of sex in his bed.

"I get fed up of using the Floo all the time," Marius answered.

"Are you trying to save on Floo Poweder?"

"Don't be ridiculous. Why does it always have to be the Floo?"

"Are you afraid of staining your robes with ash? I assure you that I prefer intercourse without robes, Rivers."

"Severus, please. Don't pretend to be dense…I mean, stubborn," Marius corrected his sentence when he saw Severus's eyes narrow ominously at the word "dense".

"My office and rooms are private, and our relationship is physical. I am perfectly content with using the Floo to reach your rooms."

"I would willingly adjust my own wards," Marius said.

"No. It's the Floo or nothing at all," Severus said.

"You adjusted your office wards to admit the 'boring brat', as you called the Potter boy, on Monday and Friday evenings," Marius snapped. "You could do something similar for me, if you are so keen on planning each and every meeting with me. You always lacked spontaneity."

"Is that so?" Severus drawled, staring pointedly at a bite mark on Marius's collarbone.

Marius flushed.

"Why won't you adjust your wards?"

"Because I have just enough trust to let you stick your cock up my ass and vice versa," Severus said bluntly.

Marius looked taken aback, then he snorted.

"That needs a lot of trust, you know. The reason you've given me is therefore absurd."

"It is not absurd at all. We have fucked before. Were you listening when I said that our relationship is purely physical? There's nothing else between us than the gratification of our sexual appetites. You will either continue using the Floo system or knock on the door if you don't want to use the Floo network. That is my final word," Severus said coldly.

Marius shrugged.

"Fine," he said laconically.

xxx

Severus's thirty-eighth birthday fell on a Friday in 1998; school had started by then, and Harry was due for his duelling lesson. Severus had just received his annual gift from Dumbledore but was saving it up to unwrap after Harry's lesson.

Occlumency on Monday had been devoted to the study of advanced Occlumency; Severus had questioned Harry closely to make sure that the young man had not been idle during the holidays. He noticed that Harry seemed less tense around and cautious around him. He is quite used to being in my immediate proximity, Severus thought, and he is starting to trust me. At the same time, Harry seemed to be uneasy about Severus's and Marius's relationship. Severus had noticed the expression on Harry's face when the youth had witnessed Marius kissing him. Severus had no patience for such public displays; on the other hand, he hadn't seen why he should rush or interrupt a frankly enjoyable kiss just because superstar Potter had arrived. The expression on the youth's face had said it all. A bit of embarrassment after seeing an intimate gesture, evident in the slight blush which rose to his cheeks…a bit of surprise as well – after all, he knew that Severus and Marius did not get on well…and a look of longing, of curiosity…_What is it like to kiss like that, to kiss another man? _those green eyes had asked. Well, Severus reflected, Harry Potter didn't have too much time to keep an eye out for someone to snog around with.

After their duelling lesson – the youth was improving steadily – he dismissed Harry in the usual curt tone only to come across him studying a new picture in the dungeons. The Headmaster had insisted on hanging it up in the dungeons, of all places.

"The place could use some colour, my dear boy," he had told Severus.

"And you had to choose such a maudlin drawing," Severus had commented snidely.

"Why, Severus, it is very beautiful. It makes me quite tearful, actually," Dumbeldore had sighed, dabbing at the corner of his eyes with a purple sleeve.

"I can only hope that this display of nudity and overt homoeroticism does not traumatise those prude little brats."

"Really, Severus. This is most tastefully painted!"

"If you think that an intercrural position with a touch of necrophilia is tasteful-"

"Severus Snape! You are most insulting!"

Severus had smirked.

xxx

Harry looked closely at the new picture. He had seen it when he had gone down to the dungeons for his duelling lesson, and he had decided to give it a good look afterwards. The drawing showed a naked boy-youth lying in the grass. A trickle of blood ran from his dark curly hair down one temple and stained the grass blades, where a purple flower, a hyacinth, was growing. Lying next to him, his arms wrapped convulsively around the body of the youth, was an adult man, equally naked, his bare hips crushed against the youth's, one hand clutching the raised thigh of the corpse, tears mingling with the blood on the still face. A roundish object - a discus - was sitting in the grass, part of its edge stained with red. It was a picture of eroticised death, Harry decided. He recognised it as a reference to a Greek legend, but he couldn't remember which legend it was exactly.

"You are admiring Apollo and Hyacinthus. The Headmaster had that drawing commissioned from an artist friend and, for some obscure reason, thought it would attract a throng of admirers down here. I see that you have already succumbed to its charms. Do you know the Greek legend on which it is based?" Severus said silkily when he noticed Harry looking at the painting. He had been on his way outside to take a walk in the grounds. Harry turned quickly. He could never get used to Severus managing to stand right behind him without his noticing.

"I know some of the Greek legends, but not this one. What is the story about, sir?"

Severus came close to Harry and stared at the picture, tracing its frame with a slender forefinger.

"It is about the love between a god and a mortal, between an adult and an adolescent, between two men," he said, turning his head and looking into Harry's green eyes. "The artist, as you can see, made sure to include the sensual aspect of their relationship."

"But it ended with the mortal dying?" Harry asked.

"I can tell you the story, if you wish," Severus replied.

Harry hoped that he did not look too astonished as he answered:

"Yes, please."

xxx


	24. Chapter 24

**CHAPTER 24**

A/N: I'm delighted to see how many of you are hatching out the most spine-chilling plans where Marius is concerned :-)

xxx

Severus leant against the wall and tapped the frame of the picture briefly with a long finger.

"Apollo, the Greek god, loved the mortal youth Hyacinthus. They were the closest of companions; Apollo was the teacher and Hyacinthus his beloved pupil. One of their favourite sports was throwing the discus-"

"Ah, Severus. I was looking for you," Marius's voice interrupted the Potions Master. Harry felt like kicking Rivers. Severus looked annoyed.

"What do you want?" he asked crossly.

Marius turned to Harry.

"Why don't you scuttle along and do your homework, child?" he addressed the young wizard, placing a patronising hand on Harry's shoulder.

"Excuse me, but I am not a child and I do not 'scuttle', Mr Rivers," Harry retorted coldly, pronouncing "Mr Rivers" with scorn and shrugging off Marius's hand. Severus's eyes glinted and his mouth curved slightly. Harry Potter was a mature young man, all right. He was not fooled or in the least intimidated by Marius. Marius's grey eyes became cold and his jaw stiffened.

Harry looked at Severus.

"Good night, sir."

Severus gave him a brief nod, and Harry left.

"I need you," Marius murmured to Severus.

"I am indisposed, Rivers. Contrary to you, I am a very busy man."

Marius ignored the slight and continued stubbornly:

"Do we always have to do it in a bed, Severus?"

"Naturally," Severus said, "or were you thinking of escapades in the snow? Also, I would rather not have your bottom in immediate contact with my desk or tiles."

"You're always planning and saying what we should do. Even if it's only sex, I'm a participant and therefore also have a say in the matter!" Marius said angrily.

"I disagree," Seversus said flatly, crossing his arms.

"And if I were to cancel our arrangement?"

"Anytime you wish, although you just informed me that you needed me. Really, Rivers, you were always fickle," Severus said in a bored tone. Marius went red. He had evidently expected Severus to lose his composure and give in to his, Marius's, complaints.

"Since when have you started telling Potter bedtime stories, Sev?"

"You are starting to sound childish and petulant, Rivers."

Marius glared at him.

"Well, I'll see you later – when you're less indisposed, my treasure." He gave a mock bow and strolled away. There was a very unpleasant gleam in Severus's eyes, and his mouth curved into a sardonic smile. Marius's Occlumency skills were poor. The man hadn't noticed a thing when Severus had used Legilimency on him during their brief exchange. Marius's attitude towards Severus had not changed since their time at Potions school. Marius still thought that he could "soften" Severus with sex and exploit him thanks to the fact that Severus used to be in love with him. Severus knew what to do in order to achieve his revenge; he was a vindictive man. Marius was becoming increasingly disrespectful towards Severus. Severus also hated Marius's patronising attitude towards Harry and respected the youth all the more for his firm rejection of the arrogant Healer. The way he had shrugged off Marius's hand…Severus's smile widened. He often wondered how Marius, with his tactlessness and arrogance, had become a Healer. Severus would never have been able to choose a career as a Healer. He considered himself too cynical, impatient and emotionally detached to Heal people.

Severus decided to relax in his quarters with a book and a mug of tea before attacking the pile of essays waiting to be corrected. He made a mental note to buy ten bottles of red ink the next time he visited Hogsmeade. He was soon comfortably installed in a chair with mug and book, a bright fire crackling cosily in the hearth. Severus stretched and put aside his book, leaning his head back to doze a little before dragging himself to his desk and the students' essays…

A flash of startlingly green eyes behind a pair of spectacles...a quill writing frantically in a book…a room with pillars and a few stairs leading down to an expanse of inlaid marble...

Severus started up; his mug fell onto the tiles with a crash. He passed his hand over his eyes before massaging his temples in the characteristic manner which indicated that he was either tired or puzzled. He narrowed his eyes. He recognised the place where Harry was. It was an atrium; in winter, it bore a roof, and in summer, the roof was Banished with magic in order to let the rain splash merrily into the basin which appeared and disappeared along with the roof. This sanctuary was said to have been one of the favourite meeting places of Salazar Slytherin and Godric Gryffindor when they were friends. Severus personally thought that the two had actually been lovers and that their bitter quarrel had resulted from more than just quarrels about which students should learn at Hogwarts. Severus rose. Potter owed him two mugs and more besides; also, Severus wanted to know if he had been dreaming or if he had truly had some kind of vision…He locked the door behind him and sought out the atrium.

When he arrived, he immediately caught sight of the familiar ever-tousled jetty hair. Harry was sitting on one of the stairs, and he was writing in a diary. It was extremely rare that Severus could not find an explanation for something. What he had seen was obviously real. Which meant that the first "vision" had also been real…

Harry looked up, as if he could sense Severus's gaze. Green eyes and black eyes locked. Severus moved towards the stair and sat down next to Harry, who put away his quill and diary. He noticed a slight redness around Harry's eyes, as if he had been crying.

"Why are you not in Gryffindor Tower or in the library working on your assignments?"

"I have finished them."

Severus glanced at the diary but did not comment on it, much to Harry's relief.

"I see," was all he said. He started to get up.

"You are leaving already?"

Severus raised an eyebrow.

"Have you got questions concerning your lessons?"

"No," Harry said. "But that story you were telling me before Professor Rivers interrupted us – how does it continue?"

Severus looked into the green eyes and resumed his seat.

"In some versions, the wind god Zephyr was said to be jealous of Hyacinthus and therefore deflected the discus from its original path; it struck the youth, wounding him mortally. Other versions say that Apollo flung the discus with such might that it accidentally hit Hyacinthus when he ran forward to catch it; but the result was the same: Hyacinthus was mortally wounded and died in Apollo's arms. The devastated god wanted Hyacinthus and their devotion to be remembered forever by mortals. He breathed upon the blood which had spilt from his beloved's wound, and a dark-red flower blossomed: the hyacinth."

Harry sighed after a minute of brooding silence.

"It is very sad…I guess that's what makes is so beautiful. Thank you for telling me about it."

"I am sure Madam Pince will assist you if you want to read more Greek legends," Severus said; he hesitated, then added after a few moments:

"I could, however, lend you my copy. Acquaintance with the Greek and Roman legends is an asset for your general knowledge."

Harry managed not to stare at Severus in shock.

"That is very kind of you, sir."

Severus snorted.

"I am not usually associated with the word 'kind', Potter."

"Well, then maybe it's time to establish that association," Harry said gravely. Severus, however, detected a spark of humour in those green eyes. It reminded him of Lily Potter and her joie de vivre.

"Five points from Gryffindor for such an idea," Severus said. "If you can curb your Gryffindor impatience and wait here, then you will be able to broaden your self-education."

Harry merely smiled and nodded. He had the feeling that Severus viewed his unusually kind gesture as a weakness and was trying to cover it up with sarcasm and the deduction of points. Severus's dark eyes lingered on the youth. Once there was trust between Legilimens and Occlumens, it was unavoidable that the participants felt a certain bond. It was only due to mental magic and their frequent lessons together that they no longer resented each other so much. At least, that is what Severus told himself. Admit that you no longer see his father when you look at him, his mind whispered as he headed towards his private rooms to fetch the book. He soon returned with a very old and battered tome and handed it to Harry, who looked at it closely and touched it with care.

"For how long may I keep it?"

"Three weeks," Severus said, "and you will kindly return it punctually and in the identical condition."

"Thank you very much, sir," Harry said, looking much happier as he opened the book in his lap, diary and quill forgotten. Severus turned to go.

"Sir, may I ask you one more question?"

"Ask."

"Apollo and Hyacinthus – was their relationship platonic or were they lovers?"

Severus raised an eyebrow.

"I am inclined to think that they were sexually involved as well, but that depends on the version you are reading and on your own interpretation, as well as on social and historical aspects. I am thinking of pederasty, but there is still some debate on the specific sexual components."

Harry thanked him for his answer, and Severus returned to his rooms, puzzling his mind over Harry Potter and the "visions". All he could say was that he had been on the verge of sleep both times – and Harry had been unhappy.

xxx

Harry leafed through the book slowly, inhaling the delicious smell of old paper and camphor. Severus probably had a camphor chest or cupboard. He had been crying. He felt lonely and confused. He was discovering a whole new dimension of his sexuality, and he was upset that this discovery was occurring when Voldemort was mustering his forces and a host of dangerous creatures. And then there was Severus Snape. That passionate greedy kiss between Marius Rivers and the Potions Master had made him view the teacher everyone disliked in a completely different light: Severus Snape was a sexual being, a gay man like Harry himself, and, moreover, strangely alluring. Harry did not even want to imagine what Ron would say if he confessed that he found the Potions Master subtly attractive. He did spend a lot more time with Severus than anyone else due to his extra lessons; and now, Severus had actually lent him a book which had no relation whatsoever to Potions, Occlumency or the art of duelling. And he had told Harry the story of Apollo and Hyacinthus. Harry tried to imagine that he was Hyacinthus. Voldemort could act as the discus or as Zephyr. And Apollo? Rivers was out of the question. In fact, Harry's lip curled in the most Snape-like manner as he excluded Marius Rivers. He thought of the boys who were his age or older at Hogwarts. No, that wouldn't do. It had to be someone who was no longer a teenager. Dumbledore as Apollo? Harry covered his mouth with his hand and laughed. Flitwick? No, definitely not. Someone who was outside Hogwarts, then…Some Quidditch team member…? He couldn't think of one. Bill Weasley? Harry shook his head. Remus Lupin? Already better, but not quite the thing. Apollo and Hyacinthus were teacher and pupil…Severus Snape, then, seeing that he was the teacher Harry spent the most amount of time with. Of course, people would say that he was the complete opposite of beautiful Apollo…Most people anyway. Harry's thoughts switched back to the picture. He tried to imagine Severus Snape naked. That was when he decided that it was high time to return to Gryffindor Tower. He encountered Peeves on the way.

"WHY IS HOTTY POTTY SO RED IN THE FACE? SECRET MEETING? A NICE LITTLE TRYST?" the Poltergeist crowed.

Harry ignored him.

xxx


	25. Chapter 25

**CHAPTER 25**

A/N: The updates will be irregular again after this chapter – I was airing out my head after so much studying, and I plunged into my Snarry story in order to recover sufficiently for the next round of studying :-) Thanks a million for your comments! Oh, and Marius-haters...enjoy!

xxx

Valentine's Day arrived. Severus wrinkled his nose with distaste. He couldn't care less for such a commercialised event, but he was eager to make it a memorable one. He closed his book – Dumbledore's latest gift to him and an excellent read – and narrowed his eyes, plotting. Sex with Marius was as violent and messy as ever, and, much to his displeasure, the Healer had started behaving like he owned Severus's rooms, especially the bedroom. Severus, however, played along, even saying that he was thinking of adjusting his wards after all. Marius had smirked.

"Ah, my treasure, I knew that you would change your mind sooner or later."

Severus had shrewdly stopped protesting whenever Marius called him "my treasure" or "Sev". In the meantime, Harry was becoming skilled in both Occlumeny and duelling. The youth was dedicated to the lessons, and Severus dropped the relaxing exercises, even starting to attack as soon as Harry entered the duelling classroom on Fridays. However, they had an argument when Harry turned up wearing Muggle jeans and a t-shirt instead of the usual robes for the latest lesson.

"What kind of an attire is that supposed to be, Potter?" Severus asked Harry coldly.

"It's more practical, sir."

"Did you ask for my permission beforehand?"

"I did not, sir," Harry admitted gravely, "but robes are really not that practical."

"No sane witch or wizard ever duels in jeans and a t-shirt!" Severus snapped. "You know the rules, Potter, you read them and I questioned you on them."

"Then it's time to change the rules."

"And if you changed the Gobstones rules-"

"Sir-"

"Do not interrupt me!"

Harry fell silent; but it was not a resentful or sulky silence. He simply waited quietly for Severus to speak.

"You will adhere to the rules, Potter, and you will not waste my time. Return to your dormitory and change into robes."

"And if and when I fight against Death Eaters and most probably against Voldemort himself, sir, will dress be of such overwhelming importance?" Harry asked.

Severus didn't answer.

"I prefer this outfit when I duel. I can move and jump with more ease."

"You are lazy," Severus spat.

"I am not lazy; but if we are going to argue about jeans and a t-shirt, then I will change into robes, if you don't mind waiting for a few minutes."

Harry moved towards the door; but before he opened it, he looked over his shoulder.

"Have you ever duelled anyone wearing Muggle clothes?"

"Of course not!"

"Then…" Harry turned back again and walked towards him, "…maybe it's time for you to do so."

Severus stared calculatingly at the youth. His clothes accentuated his small and slight build, the ripeness of his freshly blossomed adulthood…

"If you insist, Potter," Severus said silkily. Harry raised his eyebrows but knew better than to comment when Severus was about to start the duel at any moment.

The duel was very interesting; Harry found it easier to dodge hexes; he agilely rolled over on the floor to avoid spells and leap up to retaliate; there were no robes no trip him up when he jumped, stepped aside or dove towards the tiles. Severus grew increasingly irritated. He hated being wrong. The duel ended with Harry Disarming Severus in mid-jump. Severus blinked, stunned, as Harry landed neatly on his feet, Severus's long ebony wand clutched firmly in his left hand, as if he had just caught the Snitch. Severus half expected Harry to point his finger at him and to gloat; but Harry went towards him stretched out his hand to return his wand. His face was serious and respectful. Severus took his wand.

"I will give you credit, Potter. You combine physical dexterity with good magical strategies. You move very quickly, but you still tend to overuse protective spells."

"I don't want to burn you with that fiery spell you showed me, or sting you-"

"Potter, I am not a delicate little weakling; the injuries are mere nothings and I can heal them myself," the Potions Master said tersely.

"I know, but it's like inflicting pain on you deliberately."

"It _is_ so, and it is necessary for your training," Severus replied curtly. "This is no sport for sentimental musings."

The youth disagreed; Severus could read it in his eyes; but Harry remained silent and knelt down to tighten his shoelaces.

"I want you to practise offensive spells for the next lesson. You will also kindly wear robes as you usually do."

"Will you wear a two-piece outfit?"

"Certainly not," Severus scoffed.

"The book on Greek and Roman legends is very interesting, by the way." Severus had actually extended the loan when Harry had told him that he had managed to read only half of it in three weeks.

"I will not allow you to go through life with an appalling gap in your general knowledge," Severus had said.

"Remember to give it back to me next week, Potter," was his impassive answer.

xxx

After Harry left, Marius visited Severus. Severus started to walk in front of Marius as they sought his bedroom; but Marius pushed past him.

"I know where your bedroom is, my treasure," he said loftily, already removing his cloak, taking Severus's participation for completely granted.

They were violent with each other as always, biting, scratching and squeezing hard enough to leave bruises and shed a few drops of blood. The sheets reeked of sweat. Severus fucked Marius as hard as he could in the end and collapsed on top of the taller wizard, not caring that his elbow dug into Marius's abdomen. He rolled over onto his back and peeled off his condom, dropping it over the side of the bed where it joined a few others. He pulled the sheets up to his waist but left Marius bare. Marius was too exhausted to notice.

"That was good," he murmured, sated.

"Which reminds me…" Severus reached out and opened the drawer of his bedside table. He casually tossed a pouch over to Marius. It came to rest on Marius's chest with a musical clinking.

"What's this?" Marius asked, frowning.

"Opening it would be the recommended option," Severus said. Marius did so, empting some of the contents into his palm. A waterfall of bronze Knuts tumbled out, followed by a flood of silver Sickles. Marius stared.

"What…?"

"For your services, Rivers. I have exploited them to their fullest extent and no longer require them as of tonight. This is your reimbursement."

Marius blanched alarmingly; only his cheeks were flecked with red patches.

"How dare you…! I…I'm not a prostitute!" he burst out, incoherent with fury.

"Now, now, there is no need to complain, and I had to get rid of my change anyway. Buy a Butterbeer or something with your hard-earned salary. I shall not need recourse to your ass, tight as it admittedly is, in the future," Severus drawled, reaching for a book.

Marius was shaking with rage. He flung the pouch into the corner. Severus raised a lofty eyebrow.

"A temper tantrum? Touching." He made a dismissive gesture, as if waving away a pesky fly.

Marius's grey eyes were slits.

"So. This is your revenge, isn't it, Snape?"

"You may interpret it as you wish, Rivers. Kindly leave my rooms."

"Is this supposed to be a taste of my own medicine or what?" Marius hissed.

"It is only appropriate for a Healer of your…ah…calibre," Severus commented.

"You son of a bitch!" Marius yelled, swinging his hand back; Severus, however, moved with lightning speed; he caught Marius's wrist easily in his left hand and hit Marius forcefully across the face. It made a crisp smacking sound.

"If you were a doormat, Rivers, no one would want to wipe their feet on you in case they only soiled them more. Now get out before I castrate you," Severus said icily.

Marius's face worked. He looked as if he wanted to spit in Severus's face, but the expression in the dark eyes made him tumble out of bed ungracefully and gather his clothes clumsily.

"Do not forget your fee, Rivers," Severus added silkily, Levitating the pouch and fastening it to the man's naked posterior with a Sticking Charm. Marius's face was twisted with hatred and mortification. He was too angry to utter a word or a spell; he left with a jingle of coins, his clothes in his arms.

Severus stared after him. He felt a grim kind of triumph – and a lot of pain. He had once loved this man. His first kiss and his first sexual intercourse had been with Marius. And now Marius had joined a long list of enemies; but love, after all, was not meant for him, and he was not meant for love. Severus Snape buried his face in his hands for a few moments, tired and profoundly unhappy. Then he got out of bed and stripped it, stuffing the sheets into the laundry basket. He could smell Marius all over his skin. Marius's spit and come were still drying on him. Severus had a very long shower.

xxx


	26. Chapter 26

**CHAPTER 26**

twist3dlust: Severus most fortunately and wisely believes in **safer sex**. If you end up with a **sexually transmitted disease** because you didn't use **condoms** and **proper hygiene** (among other things), then I am sure that your anticipated sense of freedom will be gone with the wind…

x

dmitri: thanks for pointing out the error :-D

xxx

Severus sat on the edge of the bed after his shower, staring at the box of condoms and the jar of water-based lubricant he and Marius had always used. He decided to throw them out. It was a waste, but he felt that the room would be cleaner without all those reminders. He stood up and performed several Scourgifying Charms all over the bed. After a few minutes, the bed collapsed with a dull thud due to the force of Severus's magic. Severus tried to perform a _Reparo_ Charm, but the bed, which was very old – Severus did not want to think how old it was exactly – refused to obey, simply quivering and collapsing again with a doleful twanging. Swearing eloquently, Severus decided that he would have to pay a visit to Hogsmeade's furniture shop. For now, he would just have to sleep on the floor. He dragged the mattress onto the tiles and fetched a blanket. The mattress, however, had suffered from the full blast of the Scourgifying Spells; it was scratchy and rough. Cursing some more, Severus pummeled it with a forceful fist and retired to the sofa in his hall. He was sure that there were other beds in the castle, but he was just as sure that they were as ancient as his; there was only so much magic could do.

The next day was a Saturday; Severus set out in the morning and terrorised the furniture shop, prodding beds, studying mattresses and bedclothes and snapping at the wizard who offered to help him. Severus gave the four-posters a wide berth, searching instead for a more practical and down-to-earth bed. He finally found one which was to his taste. It was out of maple wood and magically extendable. Severus considered this feature useless, but it was a standard charm which was included with all the beds. The staff of the shop heaved a sigh of profound relief when Severus pointed at the bed and rapped out:

"I'm taking this one."

"Transport is included," a witch said eagerly. It was obvious that they were just waiting for Severus to get out of the shop – he had done a great job scaring away the other customers, too.

Severus marched back to his rooms, and his new purchases were delivered via Transferring-of-Goods-Floo to a huge storage room which was outfitted with this special Floo system. This type of Floo system was extremely secure, containing several spells to automatically check the items before they were disgorged into the storeroom, which was conveniently situated on the ground floor. People who Transfigured themselves into items in an attempt to use the Goods Floo were Stunned, reported to the Ministry and had to pay a heavy fine. Severus tapped the bed and it glided behind him docilely to his rooms, much to the curiosity of the few students who watched the ill-tempered Head of Slytherin march through the corridors and down the stairs to his solitary abode with a bed, of all things, in tow. Dumbledore happened to be among the spectators. Marius was fortunately nowhere to be seen.

"Nice bed, Severus!" he called, beaming.

"Four-posters are most impractical," Severus said curtly.

"Why, Severus, they are so charmingly old-fashioned, spacious enough to accommodate two people most comfortably and…" Severus missed the rest of the Headmaster's sentence as he passed beyond earshot, his lip curling with contempt. He was going to spend the rest of his life alone in bed anyway. He decided not to think of the Headmaster sharing a bed with someone else. The bed shrank whenever it had to pass through a doorway or narrow passage; once installed in Severus's room, the Potions Master adjusted the size and cleaned it with some magical spray. He also cleaned the mattress and sent the bedclothes to the laundry room. He asked for the help of five house-elves in order to wash the tiles, rub down the furniture and even scrub the walls. By Saturday evening, his quarters were gleaming. There was a muffled shout of pain from the fireplace sometime in the afternoon when Marius attempted to Floo into Severus's quarters, but the vindictive Slytherin had foreseen such an attempt and had taken precautions in the shape of a grate which blocked the entrance of the fireplace. Severus had his office cleaned out as well; many of the jars with their contents were thrown out, shelves were renewed etc. The hard uncomfortable chair which Harry usually occupied during his Occlumency lessons was replaced with a more comfortable and posterior-friendly model; and when Monday arrived, Harry stepped inside looking appreciatively at the room.

"Well, Potter, I am dying to hear your feedback," Severus's sarcastic tones drifted over to him.

Harry smiled.

"There seem to be fewer jars," he remarked, "and more books."

"Indeed. I see that you have brought back the book I lent you."

Harry handed him the book on Greek and Roman legends with his thanks.

"Well, then, let's get started," Severus said. "You will attempt to repel me without your wand. You will probably automatically try to extract it during our mental interaction. I must therefore ask you to give me your wand."

Harry drew out his wand without delay and gave it to Severus. He watched the tapering fingers slide over the wood as the Potions Master placed it on his desk, next to his own ebony wand. He looked at them for a moment, lying side by side on the table.

"This demands utmost concentration, Potter, and utmost concentration is what I expect from you."

Severus stared into Harry's green eyes, this time without uttering the spell; and Harry knew that it was time for the subtlety of silent magic. Severus was, if possible, more demanding than ever.

"You still take too much time to block me," he snarled impatiently, striding up to Harry and glaring into his face. "You have to block me out immediately! Without delay!"

Harry's temper sparked.

"That's easy for you to say, you've had years of experience."

"How very right you are, Potter. Yes, I have got years of experience on my side – thanks to the Dark Lord."

There was an unpleasant silence.

"Let us continue," Severus snapped. Thirty seconds later, he was hissing into Harry's face again.

"Have all these lessons been a waste of my time? You have to block me _at once_!"

"I need more time! You are too impatient!"

"Time? Do you think that the Dark Lord is sitting around doing nothing? You are seventeen. Your blood protection has ceased. Hogwarts is protecting you now, but it will not remain a haven forever, Potter!"

"I know all that! I'm not stupid!" Harry flared.

"I have my doubts," Severus sneered.

Harry flushed and opened his mouth, but the chiming of the clock reminded teacher and pupil that the lesson was over.

"Leave. And don't forget your wand," Severus said curtly.

Harry grabbed his wand and opened the door angrily.

"Hey!" he said as Marius Rivers shouldered his way past him into Severus's quarters. The Healer had obviously been waiting outside. There was a peculiar humming sound and a flash of blue. The office door crashed closed, and Marius was lying on his back, cursing. Harry hesitated. He disliked the man's arrogant attitude, but he felt that walking away would be wrong and immature.

"Are you okay, sir?" he asked, approaching the angry wizard.

Marius got up with an effort and brushed past him wordlessly.

"Whatever," Harry muttered as Marius stamped out of sight around a corner, "you two sure have a screwed-up relationship."

xxx

The next day, Severus shot Marius a taunting look and smile when he found himself face to face with the Healer on leaving the Great Hall after breakfast.

"So _tight_," he murmured. Marius stiffened with anger.

"Are you trying to pick a quarrel with me, Snape?" he asked loudly.

Several heads turned.

"You astonish me, Rivers. You are not worth picking a quarrel with," Severus answered casually. More heads turned.

"Some things simply never change, do they, Snape?" Marius said, raising his voice.

"I agree with you, Rivers. You still grunt like a constipated pig when you ejaculate," Severus said impassively.

Marius went white with shock and rage.

People gasped. Harry, Ron and Hermione, who were standing nearby, exchanged wide-eyed looks. Marius's face was working.

"You….you…!" he spluttered.

Severus glanced at his watch.

"Your articulation is appalling, Rivers," he drawled.

"We had better go," Harry said, touching his friends' elbows.

"What does a constipated pig sound like at all?" Ron wondered thoughtfully.

"I know after living for so many years with someone like Dudley," Harry remarked.

Hermione glared at them indignantly.

"It's not funny! It's not exactly ideal to do that sort of thing in front of the students, it's setting a bad example! Merlin, what are they doing?"

The teachers had drawn wands; there was a flash of white from Marius's wand; Severus responded with a Shield Charm. Harry started forwards to separate them somehow or the other, but a loud bang made Marius jump backwards and drop his wand; Minerva McGonagall was standing in front of the two teachers, livid.

"What is this nonsense? I never…! Such shameful behaviour from two _teachers_….is this supposed to be setting a good example for the students?" she thundered.

"He started it!" Marius shouted.

"Do not shout at me, Mr Rivers. Did you provoke him, Severus?"

"He definitely interpreted it that way," Severus said coolly.

"What did you say?" McGonagall demanded.

"That, Minerva, is too personal."

"Not if it is going to affect everyone!"

She swivelled around, glaring at the students.

"Out!"

The students obeyed her without delay. Harry glanced over his shoulder at Severus, and their eyes met for a moment.

"Professor Snape, Professor Rivers, I want you both in my office. Now." Dumbledore's deep voice was stern.

"I feel sorry for Mr Rivers," Hermione said as they hurried along, "Professor Snape really does not seem to ever get on well with a new staff member."

"Rivers is an asshole," Harry said. Hermione gaped at him. Ron, too, raised a set of questioning eyebrows.

"Harry! That's really mean!" Hermione exclaimed, shocked

"Mean? _He_ sure knows what mean is!"

"How do you know?" Hermione asked bossily.

"I told you that I cannot divulge anything I learnt during Occlumency," Harry said sharply.

"In other words, you know something about that bloke in connection with Snape," Ron said.

"Yeah, but I made a promise."

"Come on, it involves _Snape._ Surely you don't want to keep a juicy secret about Snape to yourself? He'd be on the receiving end of his bullshit for once."

"Ronald Weasley, I sometimes wonder why I'm your girlfriend," Hermione said.

Ron rolled his eyes.

"He's awful, 'Mione."

"He's not," Harry said nearly fiercely.

Ron stared.

"Huh?"

"Well, the lessons are helping me now," Harry said quickly, wondering what had happened that the two men were quarrelling so violently.

xxx

Albus Dumbledore was staring penetratingly at Marius and Severus as they sat in his office. The former was glowering at his feet while the latter was studying a picture behind the Headmaster with great determination.

"It is very important to me that guests are treated with respect and hospitality in this castle, especially in times of disquiet. Now, what did you say to Marius, Severus?" Dumbledore asked. It sounded more like an order than a question.

"I made a comment concerning a personal aspect of our lives," Severus said.

"I want an exact answer, Severus."

"I said that he was tight," Severus said succinctly. The previous Headmistresses and Headmasters of Hogwarts frowned in their portraits, confused. Dumbledore, too, did not seem to understand.

"I was referring to the size of Rivers's anus," Severus added. Marius leapt up from his chair while the portraits gasped and whispered in the background. Phineas Black, however, was snickering loudly.

"Phineas, hold your tongue. Marius, please sit down again. Severus," Dumbledore said crisply, "your behaviour is unacceptable."

"I agree. Rivers has been such a saint, after all," Severus said, his voice dripping with animosity.

"You are living in the past, Severus!"

"As is Rivers, Headmaster. He wanted to refresh our bygone trysts. I agreed. I was refreshed. Rivers is displeased because I am no longer interested in his company."

"Ah. Revenge. I should have known," Dumbledore murmured.

"I shall, naturally, take the entire blame while Saint Rivers, absolved from all sin, may float out of this room."

Dumbledore rose with astonishing speed. Marius's face was very pale and tense.

"Enough, Severus!"

"It is never enough," Severus said softly.

Dumbledore's features seemed to sag with sudden sorrow.

"Severus, why must it be like this? Why such resentment and so many grudges?"

Severus bowed his head and didn't answer. Dumbledore looked into Marius's grey eyes.

"I know what happened between you and Severus when you were at Potions school," he said without compassion, "and I know that you long for fame to cover your insecurities. You are choosing the wrong path to the wrong goal, Marius. You long for trumpets and fanfares of glory. Fortunately, you have had the sense to avoid seeking triumph as a pawn of Voldemort's. I do not wish to judge you. I want to ensure your well-being. But you are both responsible for your own happiness or unhappiness. I am very disappointed in such an embarrassing display of temper in front of the students. Go."

Marius and Severus obeyed, ignoring each other until they were outside in the corridor.

Marius turned and stared into Severus's black eyes.

"I never realised how full of hatred and bitterness you are, Severus."

"What an astute observation."

"You are still wondering why…"

"Do you really think that I believe your lame excuses about a despotic home and fear of poor grades?"

"I…" Marius's voice sounded thick.

"I'm waiting," Severus said testily.

"I felt sorry for you. That is why. You were this lonely unattractive kid. And you were a closet gay. You were always blushing around me, and you'd fool around with yourself at night when you thought that I had gone to sleep."

"Ah. A mercy fuck."

Marius winced but nodded slowly.

"Yes, yes, I see the problem. You regarded me as your little stray dog, didn't you? You thought me pathetic. Humiliating for both participants, isn't it? Well, you have confirmed my suspicions. You are disgusting, Rivers."

Marius remained silent. Then he turned and walked away, his shoulders hunched. Severus felt drained and dead. Life had no hope, no joy, no charm for him. He, too, walked away, heading towards the stairs.

Severus went to bed early. He tossed and turned for a while, longing for sleep and at the same time fearing it. Merlin knew what nightmares sleep might hold in store for him. He finally fell asleep. It seemed to him that he could see Harry standing in front of him, looking at him with calm green eyes.

"I know that you are protecting me. I am protecting you, too."

Severus woke up with a start, shaken by the vividness of the dream.

In Gryffindor Tower, Harry was entrusting the dream he had just had to the pages of his diary by the light of his wand.

xxx


	27. Chapter 27

**CHAPTER 27**

A/N: Another chapter (though a rather short one) before my exam on April 19. The next chapter will be posted after the exam. Please keep your fingers and toes crossed for me :-)

xxx

"What is the matter, Harry?" Hermione asked as they walked back from the Quidditch pitch where the Gryffindor team had just been practising. Ron was talking to Ginny and Dean. Harry absent-mindedly shook off some mud from his Firebolt.

"I've been having strange dreams," he said.

"They're not visions from Voldemort, are they? You said that you're blocking them out now," Hermione said.

"Yes, I can block them out now. I'm dreaming about…Snape."

"What has he done now? Or did _you_ do something?" Hermione asked sharply.

Harry laughed.

"No, no, don't worry, there's been no repetition of the Pensieve incident, and he has stopped bringing up the topic of my father all the time. It's just that I get these really odd dreams about him. They're so vivid." He summarised his dreams for Hermione, who chewed at her lip.

"Professor Snape and you share at least two very important bonds, Harry," she said at last. "You are Legilimens and Occlumens. That is an extremely intimate kind of magic. And you've both been branded by Voldemort himself; you've got the scar, and Snape has the Dark Mark. You trust him now, don't you?"

Harry nodded.

"I was very reluctant to trust him. Or to admit that I trust him."

"You're probably still reluctant. Anyway, you started improving when you learnt to trust him. I am sure that the bond of mental magic is affecting your dreams."

"Are they actually dreams, Hermione?"

"You think they're visions?"

"Well…I don't really know. Maybe."

"Trelawney would be delighted to hear you," Hermione commented dryly. "Why don't you block them if they're bothering you?"

"You can't block all dreams. There's a different between dreams and these visions or 'sendings' or whatever they are. I think that these are sendings. And whenever I see Snape, the expression in his eyes makes me want to go to him. He always seems to be here, at Hogwarts. The next time I have a dream about Snape, I'm going to see if it's true."

Hermione frowned.

"What do you mean? You're not going to sneak out of bed in the middle of night, are you?" she asked.

"Actually…"

"No, you're not going to sneak out, Harry."

"You interrupted me too quickly. I don't need to sneak out of bed. I've got the Marauder's Map. If I recognise the location in my dream and then consult the Map…"

"That might work, Harry. But still…I'm sure those dreams are just a side-effect of mental magic."

"Hermione, if you are right about this bond...Do you think it's two-way?"

"That Professor Snape is having similar dreams?"

"Yeah, of me. Well, I'm quite sure he's had dreams in which he's roasting me alive…"

"I don't know, Harry. May you could try asking him."

"No, that would sound too weird."

"You trust him, don't you?"

"Yeah, but…it's still rather new…and he'd probably laugh about dreams and stuff. I can't really go up to him and say, 'Professor, I've been having these weird dreams about you. Do you have weird dreams of me, too?' Just imagine."

"Well, if you don't want to tell him, then don't," Hermione said logically.

xxx

Harry snapped awake in his bed.

It had happened again. Severus had been in the atrium, as he called it, pacing up and down restlessly, a pale hand tugging at a strand of hair. Harry could feel the terrible pain emanating from him and he had stretched out his hand towards Severus, who had looked up with a start.

"What-?" the Potions Master had exclaimed, moving towards Harry with the speed of a skilled duellist. Startled, Harry had found himself back in his dormitory, with no sign of the atrium or the Potions Master. Harry scrambled to the edge of the bed and grabbed his glasses and the Marauder's Map. He opened and activated it, his wand casting a warm glow over it as he searched for the atrium on the ground floor. His heart leapt. Severus Snape was in the atrium, and, to judge from the movement of the dot labelled with his name, pacing up and down.

"Oh my God," Harry whispered, tugging out his diary and setting down the date and time.

He was sure that this was no coincidence at all. As he watched, the dot abruptly left the atrium, moved down the corridor and suddenly disappeared. Harry realised that Severus had probably taken a shortcut through a tapestry or wall. Since all the students were in their dormitories, to judge by the number of dots confined to the House Towers, it was easy for Harry to find Severus's dot again. To his surprise, Severus was not heading towards the dungeons but climbing upwards. Puzzled, Harry watched the dot's progress. It vanished again and appeared on the seventh floor. Maybe Severus was searching for the Headmaster to inform him about what he had seen? Sure enough, the dot stopped where the Gargoyle guarded Dumbledore's quarters. A minute later, the dot with Dumbledore's name had shifted from an inner room to the circular office. Severus's dot now had company. Harry wiped the Marauder's Map clean and stuffed it into his drawer. He removed his glasses and lay in bed, thinking hard.

xxx

"Severus, you are looking very pale," Dumbledore remarked, looking striking in a magenta housecoat. "Do you want some tea? Coffee?"

"It's Potter."

"Is he wandering around in the castle?"

"I am not quite sure what is going on, Albus."

He told Dumbledore about his so-called dreams.

"It happened just now. He was standing directly in front of me and holding his hand out. Occlumency seems ineffective in such situations."

Dumbledore leant back with a strange smile on his lips.

"Ah. Well, Severus, it is nothing to worry about. It is a side-effect of the intense practising of mental magic."

"I cannot recall such a thing happening when you taught me, Albus."

"It does not happen in all cases."

"There is something you are not telling me," Severus said shrewdly.

Dumbledore said softly:

"Harry and you are also bound together magically to the same source through your mark and his scar. You both share a direct link leading to Voldemort. Seeing that Harry is able to receive Legilimentic images through his scar, it is not surprising that the connection between your scars is influencing the bond of mental magic between Harry and you."

Severus immediately started to rub his left forearm in an unconscious gesture.

"Once Harry has fully mastered Occlumency, then the sendings, as I call them, will probably go away. You may want to tell Harry about this phenomenon, Severus. He is probably having similar experiences and is not sure about the reason," Dumbledore said.

"So there is no way to control them."

"None that I know of."

Severus nodded and rose.

"I apologise for disturbing you."

"You did not disturb me. I am very glad you told me. Good night, my dear boy."

When Severus had left, Phineas Black, who had been pretending to sleep during the conversation, spoke slyly:

"It goes deeper than scars and mental magic, doesn't it? You have still not told him all."

Dumbledore simply smiled an enigmatic smile and withdrew to his bedroom.

xxx


	28. Chapter 28

**CHAPTER 28**

A/N: I ended up with the flu a few days ago and have been staying at home, studying with a stuffy nose. My Mom, however, is nursing me back to health with tons of TLC. The fever is gone now and I managed to write this chapter today. Day after tomorrow, April 19, is my English Linguistics exam, from 9 o'clock till 13 o'clock, Central European Summer Time (CEST). Woo-hoo! Thanks a million for all your reviews AND good wishes (the crossed toes and fingers)! The next chapter will be out towards the end of next week (I've got another written exam on April 26, but I feel more confident about that one than about the one day after tomorrow).

xxx

It was three o'clock in the morning. Hogwarts was asleep. A dark figure, wrapped in a heavy cloak, was walking around the grounds. There was no sleep for Severus Snape as he moved about restlessly in the cold. Albus Dumbledore had not told him everything. All he knew was that the visions he had had were not dreams. Dumbledore had called them sendings. Severus himself preferred the word "projections". It seemed as if he and Harry were projecting themselves at each other at random, so to speak. At random? Severus felt that there was a pattern. He returned to the castle and down to his rooms. He flicked his wand at the hearth. Flames leapt into life, dancing fitfully like his thoughts. He fetched a piece of parchment and set down all the sendings he had received from Harry. With a start, he realised that there was a pattern, but it was not temporal. It was emotional. He seemed to receive sendings whenever Harry was deeply unhappy – and whenever he himself was equally unhappy. He was never happy, of course; or rather, he had become so used to being unhappy that it was a state of normalcy for him; but there were times when he was seized by fits of depression and anger, and he would feel trapped and violent. He recalled Harry's words:

_"I know that you are protecting me. I am protecting you, too."_

Harry was aware of the sendings. Aware of Severus being able to see him during such projections. Maybe even aware of Severus's bitterness and distress. Severus's eyes narrowed. He rose abruptly and thrust the door of his library open. He stalked inside and searched among his books. He located the book he needed and snatched it from the shelf. Holding _Mental Magic and Bonding _firmly in his hand, Severus strode into the hall and began to read, leafing hurriedly through the book. With a soft exclamation, he finally found what he was looking for:

_Soul-projection is known to occur in cases where the relationship between teacher and pupil is particularly close, or if so-called soul recognition, also called soul sympathy, takes place, implying that the participants' souls feel a powerful sympathetic bond with each other or may even be on familiar terms with each other from a long-ago past. While the participants may not be aware of soul recognition when going about their usual everyday activities, repeated exercises in Legilimency and Occlumency will alert the subconscious and trigger projections in which, for example, the pupil may appear in front of the teacher at seemingly random intervals. This phenomenon, however, is connected to the emotional condition of the participants._ _Emotions such as rage, sorrow or joy, experienced in very high levels, can lead to projections. The participant feels that he or she cannot contain his or her emotions anymore and is subconsciously desperate to share them – with his or her "soulmate". Thus, Mental Magic has the interesting side effect that participants can "recognise" each other and strengthen their bond. As with all relationships, however, soul recognition is no guarantee for an ever-lasting and fruitful friendship between the participants. It is speculated that Godric Gryffindor and Salazar Slytherin…_

Severus stopped reading. He was well acquainted with the many speculations about the two famous wizards. A few weeks ago, he would have flung the book into the fire at the notion of sharing soul sympathy with Harry James Potter, of all people. His thin lips curved into a smile heavy with irony. If James Potter and Sirius Black were alive, they would probably choose this moment to die at the mere notion of their archenemy Snivellus and Golden Boy Harry sharing anything in common – least of all soul sympathy…

But that was what had happened. His experience matched the description in the book faithfully. He wondered whether this bond stemmed from saving Harry's life more than once or whether they had always shared a special connection and were becoming aware of it only now, thanks to the improvement of their relationship and of Harry's Occlumentic skills.

Soul sympathy. So that was what Dumbledore hadn't told him. Dumbledore had known that meticulous Severus Snape would find out anyway. And they both knew that if Dumbledore had told Severus about soul sympathy in his office, then Severus would have gone into a long rant about Harry Potter's shortcomings – or what he wanted to perceive as shortcomings. Here, in the seclusion of his rooms, he had only himself to rant at. Or he could consider the book rubbish and incinerate it. Or he could digest what he had just read and think about it. He decided on digesting and thinking. He also wondered whether he should reveal the same amount of information to Harry as Dumbledore had revealed to Severus, or whether he should tell Harry all he knew. Soul recognition. Soul sympathy. With Harry James Potter. Why not reveal all? Severus thought with grim satisfaction. The youth's reaction would be interesting. He would probably search wildly for a solution, horrified at the notion of being so deeply linked with the despised Potions Master.

xxx

"No duelling today, Potter," Severus said dismissively as Harry entered the classroom on Friday night. "We have something far more urgent to discuss."

He strode off, robes rustling briskly. Harry followed him, intrigued. Severus led him to his office and gestured at the chair. Harry sat down.

Severus stared into the green eyes for a long moment before speaking:

"Where were you on Monday night at about two-thirty a.m.?"

Something sparked in Harry's eyes.

"In my bed in Gryffindor Tower…but…"

"But?" Severus prompted impatiently.

"You saw me, didn't you? Just like I saw you. In the atrium."

Their gazes locked.

"Yes, I saw you, Potter. And you have disrupted my train of thought on other occasions as well."

"So you can see me, too. It goes both ways. Are they visions?"

"It seems that the projections are due to an unusual magical bond we share. Read this page."

Severus placed _Mental Magic and Bonding_ on Harry's desk. Harry read it quietly and looked up after a short while. Severus waited for the disgust to spread over Harry's face, but the youth smiled instead.

"Ah, that explains it, then."

"I can assure you that it is not some hitherto undetected damage inflicted on your sleeping pattern or cerebral processes after your addiction to Sleeping Potion, Potter. After discussing this frankly annoying phenomenon with the Headmaster, I was able to draw a conclusion from one of my books," Severus added, tapping _Mental Magic and Bonding_ briskly with his forefinger.

"So…you and I share a bond of soul sympathy," Harry summarised pensively.

"It would seem so," Severus remarked impassively.

"This bond, has it always existed or did it develop afterwards?"

"It would seem that both assumptions are valid."

"Are many bonds of soul sympathy possible at the same time, and is it only through mental magic that they become noticeable?" Harry asked interestedly.

"Yes, many bonds are possible, but only one bond, the magically strongest one, can be rendered visible by the side effects of mental magic. No, mental magic is not the only way to make them discernible in the shape of projections. There are other ways, and some of them involve the Dark Arts – something that I cannot recommend, as you can imagine. Well, Potter, you must be horror-stricken after such revelations. I suggest that you return to your dormitory and recover," Severus said, his voice cold.

"Does it disgust you so to discover the existence of such a link between us?" Harry asked quietly. Severus fixated him with a stare only few could resist. Harry gazed back steadily.

"Has it ever occurred to you to consider our, ah, inspiring past history, Potter?"

"Has it ever occurred to you to consider the present, Professor?"

Severus opened his mouth to snarl out a crushing answer, but Harry was quicker.

"I shall not deny this link we share. You can, but I won't. I think we've wasted enough time on denial during the past years." Harry's voice remained calm, but his green eyes flashed behind his spectacles. Severus sensed the passion and fire which burnt within the young man.

"Denial of what exactly, Potter?" he hissed.

"Of the fact that you and I share things in common. Including soul sympathy, as you yourself just told me."

About two minutes passed in complete silence while the two wizards remained locked in a stare.

At last, Severus broke the silence.

"What did you mean when you said that you are protecting me?" he asked, referring to one of Harry's "appearances". "The only protection I have is the one the Headmaster and this castle give me. I have never needed anyone else's protection – least of all yours, Potter. You, protect me? You, who are protected by so many? Are you mocking me?"

"Not protection against Voldemort. Protection against…yourself," Harry said simply.

"What nonsense are you talking?" Severus snarled, crossing his arms on his chest.

"Whenever you cross your arms, it means that you are on the defensive, sir," Harry observed. "I have seen into your mind during our lessons. I have caught only glimpses, but I know that you were raised to hate yourself."

"What are you, Potter? Some kind of ridiculous would-be psychologist?"

"Please listen to me, sir. The fact you and I had visions of each other means that we subconsciously called to each other when we were in profound emotional distress. Hermione says that we share another bond via my scar and your mark. And you have saved my life, sir, and thus established yet another bond."

"Ah. You finally acknowledge the debt you owe me."

"Yes. I do. And do you acknowledge our new bond, sir?"

There was a long pause. Severus studied the youth, his eyes travelling over the determined face and slight figure.

"I do," he said at last.

"Then…can we start anew?" Harry asked, extending his hand. Severus looked at him as if he had sprouted ten heads; then he jerked his head in an abrupt nod and took Harry's hand in his. Harry pressed Severus's fingers firmly and looked directly into the black eyes. Severus returned the pressure and said austerely:

"You owe me two mugs, Potter."

Harry looked puzzled.

"Two _mugs_?"

"Two of your unannounced appearances via projection cost me a mug each time."

"I suppose I…er…distracted you?"

"They fell victims to the laws of gravity thanks to the disturbance you created. Their ancient age defied the powers of a Repairing Charm."

"Well, I'll replace the mugs, if you wish, sir."

Severus tightened his grip on Harry's hand.

"I want you to become an outstanding Occlumens and duellist. If you can attain that goal, Potter, then I think I will be able to forget the tragic fate of my mugs."

"I will do my best," Harry said gravely, wondering if the dour Potions Master had actually displayed a sense of humour by talking about his broken mugs.

"See that you do, Potter." Severus released his hand. Harry looked at the worn copy of _Mental Magic and Bonding_.

"Thank you for telling me about soul sympathy, sir."

"It was not a favour; it was a necessity. Good night, Potter."

"Good night, sir."

Severus watched Harry leave, his footsteps silent and his movements graceful as he walked towards the door and opened it. Severus traced his mouth with his finger as the door closed. His life suddenly did not seem so bleak anymore. A genuine smile touched his lips for a moment before he turned to the pile of essays demanding his attention.

xxx


	29. Chapter 29

**CHAPTER 29**

A/N: Survived the first exam. Ouff. Second one is on April 26 – I'll be writing a four-hour essay on Bollywood from a "media-aesthetic" point of view, I'm really don't know how to translate the German word "medienästhetisch"…I have to write the exam in German since the subject is taught in that language. I'm actually looking forward ;-)

**balle13: **Herzlichen Dank für die zweisprachigen Reviews! Ja, Marius ist so richtig krass bestraft worden. Es war ziemlich witzig, ich habe viele Rachepläne aufgeschrieben und wieder verworfen, bis ich eine Idee fand, mit der ich zufrieden war.

Translation of the above: _Thank you for the bilingual reviews! Yes, Marius was really punished very severely. It was quite funny, I wrote down and dismissed many schemes of revenge until I found a suitable idea._

xxx

Harry looked up as Severus approached his cauldron, his startlingly green eyes like a cat's in the soft glow of the light in the Potions classroom. Harry was paying far more attention in Potions now, though he did not have Hermione's natural skill in the subject. He made fewer mistakes, cut up the ingredients with more care and was focused on the task at hand. Severus glanced down his hooked nose at the bubbling contents in the cauldron and whisked away to his desk.

Severus found himself thinking back to the days when Harry had been an eleven-year-old child. He felt ashamed that he had projected his hate and viciousness for James Potter and Sirius Black onto a little boy. And now the little boy had grown into a mature and kind youth who was still impulsive from time to time, especially when angered or provoked; but otherwise, Harry was calm and patient. Had so many years passed? Was it only now that he was starting to appreciate Harry Potter for who he really was? The youth was a quick and eager learner when he wanted to be, and, in the flower of his manhood, a frankly attractive young man. Severus had decided that Harry Potter was more of the choosy sort, to judge from his single status. Or, what was more likely, he simply didn't have the time to bother about such trivial things. Or he was happy the way he was although the couple-obsessed society seemed eager to decimate the number of singles or treat being single like a contagious disease. Severus wrinkled his nose with disdain at society's follies – and stopped when he thought of his own follies. His dark eyes returned to Harry, who was spooning a sample of his potion into a bottle. Hermione gave him an approving look. Severus acknowledged Harry's bottled sample with a curt nod. He was not at all sure how to acknowledge his increasingly frequent musings where his past treatment of Harry was concerned. Being regretful was not part of a spy's profile – least of all of _his_ profile.

After Potions, Severus visited the Headmaster, who was waiting for news on Harry's progress.

"He shows promise," Severus said coldly.

Dumbledore smiled and patted his beard.

"What about his duelling?"

"He is surer and learning to focus on attacking whereas he was more intent on defensive spells before. His movements are extremely quick."

"Ah, that is good to hear. Very ear-warming indeed, Severus," Dumbledore beamed. "Do you think he can perfect the art of Occlumency?"

Severus was silent for a few moments.

"He could," he said cautiously, nearly reluctantly. "He is at a stage where he can be taught Legilimency."

There was complete silence in Dumbledore's office.

"Legilimency is a formidable challenge," the wise wizard said.

"I have not forgotten," Severus said, referring to the days when Dumbledore was his teacher in the art of mental magic.

"Do you believe in Harry's abilities to master Legilimency?"

Another silence ensured; then Severus nodded abruptly.

"If he works very hard. It would, naturally, make him even more proficient in Occlumency."

"Yes, it would become second nature to him like it is to you and me. Usually, learning Occlumency implies learning Legilimency as well…I could imagine that it might be very useful for him if he wants to become an Auror…"

"In that case, I will train him," Severus said briskly. Dumbledore's face burst into a radiant smile. For the very first time in goodness knows how long, he had not had to ask Severus for a favour. Instead, Severus had made the offer himself.

"That would be fantastic, Severus. I am most grateful to you, my dear boy."

Severus inclined his head briefly in acknowledgement of the Headmaster's delight and thanks.

xxx

"Please sit down, Potter. I have to discuss something else with you," Severus greeted Harry bluntly when the youth arrived for his Occlumency lesson.

"I have told the Headmaster that you are at a stage where you can learn Legilimency."

Harry looked up, startled.

"Legilimency?"

Severus raised an eyebrow.

"Yes."

"You'd teach me Legilimency?"

"I can, if you are willing to work very hard, Potter. Legilimency is considered even more difficult than Occlumency. The two go hand in hand, however, and it is my personal opinion that learning only one of the two is an incomplete and unrefined matter."

Beats of silence. Then Harry smiled at him.

"I would like to learn Legilimency."

Severus looked into his eyes.

"Legilimency creates a deeply intimate bond between teacher and student – even more so then Occlumency. While Occlumency blocks out intruders, Legilimency allows access to a person's mind. You have experienced this before, but accidentally. I will train you to be profoundly skilled in the art of mental magic, Potter."

Harry nodded, awed. Severus continued.

"You have come to realise that the successful mastery of mental magic requires trust. You are therefore aware that whatever has happened and, in particular, what _will_ happen during our lessons shall remain between us, like during our Occlumency lessons."

"Yes, of course, sir."

Severus studied Harry's face with his probing black eyes.

"We will begin with Legilimency in April. Your training will continue into the summer season. The Headmaster is planning for you to stay on after your graduation – provided you pass your NEWTS, of course – and train you as a member of the Order of the Phoenix. You see, Potter, it is coming to the point – more so than ever."

"A matter of preparation."

"Thorough preparation. Do me justice, Potter, and show that you are not wasting my time and yours."

"I will."

"Good. Having discussed this business, we can resume Occlumency," Severus said impassively. Their eye contact, however, was intense, even smouldering.

xxx


	30. Chapter 30

**CHAPTER 30**

A/N: I don't know when Sudoku started to spread and get printed in (British) newspapers and published in bookshops…for the sake of this story, Sudoku is already becoming very popular in 1998 :-) Thanks a million for your comments and patience! The next batch of exams is on May 28. Four orals in the morning, one after the other. Eeek…! In the meantime, you will find a new poll (votes for the fifth Snarry plot) and two wonderful drawings by SnapesYukuai on my blog. Check them out if you have the time (cf. my profile page)! :-D

xxx

On his way back to his room after a most fatiguing Occlumency lesson, Harry stopped to gaze at the picture of Apollo and Hyacinthus. He could not take his eyes off their intimate posture. Even in the process of dying, Hyacinthus was angling his hips and arching his body in such a manner that his groin was crushed against Apollo's; and if it hadn't been for the blood and Apollo's tears and the devastated expression on his face, then the posture would have denoted absolute pleasure. Harry's eyes lingered on Apollo's thumb near Hyacinthus's rosebud nipple and on his mouth which was so close to his beloved's parted lips. Yes, both pleasure and pain had been skilfully captured in the painting. With a sigh, Harry detached himself from the contradictory influence of the drawing and took a few shortcuts which led him back to Gryffindor Tower.

In the meantime, Severus was relaxing with a glass of elf-made wine. He rarely indulged in alcoholic beverages; on this occasion, he considered it a well-deserved draught of refreshment after getting rid of Marius and discovering that his relationship with Harry Potter was improving. Harry was becoming a skilled Occlumens thanks to his determination to fight against every obstacle which blocked his way. Severus also suspected that the so-called visions or sendings would go away once they started with Legilimency. Severus made a mental note to ask Dumbledore whether his Pensieve would be available for the Legilimency lessons. He had mixed feelings about Potter seeing private things like brooding scenes from his childhood and youth…or his trysts with Marius all those years ago. On the one hand, such experiences were extremely personal; on the other hand, Severus felt smug. Let the youth struggle with his fixed notions about Severus, James Potter and Sirius Black…and let him struggle with his musings about his, Harry's, and Severus's sexuality. It was quite hard to forget that interesting look on Harry's face when he had witnessed that forthright kiss between Severus and Marius. Severus smiled and sipped at his goblet.

xxx

"Oy, Harry! Want to join a Sudoku competition?" Ron asked Harry as soon as he stepped inside the common room. Harry grinned. Groups of students were sitting on the sofas, and each group had a Sudoku grid. The grids were identical, and the group which finished its grid first was awarded a joke item from Zonko's Joke Shop or a stack of sweets from Honeydukes, courtesy of the newly created Hogwarts Sudoku Club. Hermione and other Gryffindors were enthusiastic members. Sudoku competitions were being held regularly in the Gryffindor common room. Hermione regarded the game as a healthy brain-exercise instead of an annoying distraction. Wizarding Sudoku was basically identical to Muggle Sudoku, except that the grids contained magical features such as being able to erase a wrong number with a tap of one's wand, a timer feature which blinked every two minutes to remind people that they had to hurry etc.

"Sure," Harry answered Ron's question, relieved to distract himself from Occlumency. He joined Ron, Hermione, Ginny and Dean.

"Okay, is everyone ready?" Seamus asked, standing up in the middle of the room.

All the group members nodded.

There was a bang and a puff of smoke from Seamus's wand-end, and the Gryffindors put their heads together.

xxx

Marius walked down to the dungeons, determined to finally speak with Severus. Taking a deep breath, he knocked cautiously on the door, keeping his hand on his wand in case he was knocked over by a hex. The door opened to reveal Severus, who looked thoroughly bored.

"Now what, Rivers?" he drawled.

"I don't want this," Marius said coldly, dumping the pouch of Knuts and Sickles into Severus's hands, "and I think we need to discuss a few issues. May I come in?"

"I think not, Rivers; and you really ought to enjoy your wages," Severus said silkily.

"Severus…look…I just-"

"Rivers, we have nothing more to say to each other. If you will excuse me – I have plenty of work to do."

"Ah yes, such as tutoring Potter," Marius said casually. Severus's eyes narrowed slightly.

"Is there a reason why you are mentioning Potter?" he asked shrewdly.

"None at all," Marius answered with a shrug of his shoulders. Severus approached Marius. Their faces nearly touched.

"Stay away from Potter, Rivers."

"Why on earth do you think that I would want to harm Potter, Severus?"

"Because," Severus said between gritted teeth, "I do not trust you, you fool. Now remove yourself and your salary from my sight and dungeons."

Marius drew out his wand.

"If you think that you can just drive me away-"

Severus curled his lip.

"A duel? You want to duel with _me_, you imbecile? Think again, Rivers."

Marius's grey eyes were blazing, but he shoved his wand back into his robes.

"I still refuse to take this," he hissed, throwing the pouch of money at Severus. Severus muttered a spell underneath his breath, and the coins rushed out of the bag in a flood, pelting Marius; and when they fell, they simply rose again and resumed bouncing off his face and figure. Marius stumbled away, coins ricocheting off his figure while Severus watched from the doorway with an expression of utter contempt on his features.

xxx

Harry stretched and snuggled into his bed. He was adept at using Occlumency in his sleep; it was becoming, as Severus had one insisted that it should, second nature to him. He wondered if Voldemort was aware that he, Harry, was employing Occlumency against him. He made a mental note to ask Severus if it was possible for Voldemort to know about his Occlumentic skills.

"Night, mate," Ron whispered to him from the neighbouring bed.

"Night, Ron," Harry yawned. He closed his eyes…

He was walking into the atrium. He was naked. Completely naked. He didn't seem to mind. In fact, he felt free and confident. The roof of the atrium was drawn back, and rain was pelting into the shallow basin hewn into the stone floor. He walked over to it and lay down, closing his eyes and arching his body and enjoying the raindrops meeting his bare skin. Suddenly, he felt two hands caress his stomach and abdomen. Long hair tickled his face, and a mouth brushed his neck. His eyes flew open and met the dark smouldering gaze of Severus Snape.

"Legilimency creates an intense bond between teacher and student," he whispered, repeating the words he had told Harry during his lesson.

Harry woke up with a start. His heart was racing, but not with fear. To his confusion and embarrassment, he was profoundly aroused.

"It's just another side effect of Occlumency," he whispered fiercely to himself, trying to sound convincing. He thought of Severus Snape. Snape the way he _really_ was. Sarcastic, unapproachable and…locked in that passionate kiss with Marius…a younger version of Severus tangled in the sheets with an equally youthful Marius…Severus's head thrown back with passion…Harry swore and managed to prevent his hand from creeping down between his thighs.

"No one likes Severus Snape, he's an idiot, I can't stand him, he can't stand you, even if you did make a truce..." he hissed softly; but no confirming thoughts or emotions answered him – only confusion. And his stubborn erection.

xxx


	31. Chapter 31

**CHAPTER 31**

A/N: I'm back again after what seems like a century :-) Thanks a lot for your patience and your encouraging reviews! I passed my exams (four orals on Wednesday) and am delighted with the results. I'll be able to update the story on a regular basis again (2-4 times a week). This chapter is rather short because I have to prepare for the graduation ceremony on Saturday and return all the library books I borrowed, so chapter 32 will be more substantial. Thanks again for all your encouragement! I really missed writing Snarry…And before I forget: I deleted the "old" chapter 31 (my message about the exams), but your reviews for 31 did not get deleted. Please do NOT log into your fanfiction net account to review this chapter, otherwise you will only be notified that you have already reviewed chapter 31 – so you'll have to submit your comments in anonymous mode :-D

--

Harry was nervous when he left for his duelling lesson. He didn't know how he could possibly look Severus Snape in the eye after that decidedly rampant dream. He entered the duelling classroom tentatively. The Potions Master turned, fixating him with his characteristic stare.

"Let us begin at once," Severus said, his black eyes radiating impatience. Harry nodded and opened his bag to take out his wand. A paper fluttered out, dancing its way timidly towards Severus, who picked it up and frowned. Harry rose to his feet, his wand in his right hand.

"What is this, Potter?" Severus asked coldly.

"Nothing incriminating – only a Soduku grid," Harry answered defensively, remembering the last time a piece of parchment – the Marauder's Map – had fallen into his teacher's unmerciful hands.

Severus's eyes narrowed.

"Manners, Potter. Who says that it does not have some, ah, additional properties?"

"I say so, Professor," Harry said boldly. It was the truth; there was nothing more to the paper than the Sudoku game, but it reminded Harry that the trust between them still had to be worked upon, especially on Severus's part.

"We have Sudoku contests in the common room," Harry added as Severus scanned the paper warily.

"I have seen some of these ridiculous games in the papers."

"Sudoku is not at all ridiculous! Have you ever tried it out?" Harry said.

Severus's lip curled.

"I have better things to do than waste my time on childish pastimes."

"In other words, you have never tried it out," Harry said slyly.

Severus handed the paper to Harry.

"You have five seconds to put away this irrelevant paper and to prepare yourself for our duel."

"One can participate in Sudoku duels," Harry said, stuffing the paper inside his bag. He straightened up and looked Severus very firmly in the eye. In spite of the dream.

"Really?" Severus remarked in a bored tone.

"I bet I'd beat you the first time around," he said daringly. Severus's black eyes glinted.

"Is that so, Potter?" His voice was silky with the faintest note of steel in it.

"I'm quite sure of it."

A hex flashed from Severus's wand-tip towards Harry, who whirled aside and countered with a Stinging Hex. Severus conjured a powerful Shield Charm.

"You got provoked," Harry said with a roguish grin. Severus walked towards him so that their faces nearly touched.

"Be careful how you talk to me, Potter."

"How can you know if something is a waste of time if you've never tried it? You're good at these kind of logical games."

"How very flattering," Severus sneered.

"I'm only being factual. It's difficult to forget your poetic Potions challenge in my first year…"

"Are you, Mr Potter, challenging me to a Sudoku duel?"

"Yes, sir."

"Mh. I see. But first, we will resume and end this duelling session. Afterwards, I will make sure to…" he moved his face, his lips nearly brushing the shell of Harry's ear, "knock you off your high broom."

A thrilling shiver ran through Harry's body as Severus's breath tickled his ear.

"I'll make sure to hold on and catch the Snitch," he replied boldly as Severus stepped back. They exchanged an intense stare before Severus raised his wand.

"Nine o'clock in my office on Saturday evening. There will be Anti-Cheating quills at our disposal."

"I'll be there, sir."

Severus sneered again and stepped away from his student. He raised his wand, and Harry braced himself.

An hour later, Harry tottered out of the classroom, sweaty and dishevelled. He felt extremely determined to get the better of Severus on Saturday. It was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, after all.

--

"You…challenged…_Snape_?" Ron spluttered. Harry nodded, grinning. Hermione looked very disapproving.

"Challenging a teacher…! And Professor Snape, of all people! He's going to flatten you out, Harry!"

Harry had a vision of Severus lying on top of him…He cleared his throat.

"I'll make sure he won't." Not yet, eh, Harry? a naughty voice piped up in his mind.

"Good luck, mate," Ron said bleakly, trying to steal a kiss from Hermione. She huffed and squirmed away half-heartedly. Ron tried again. Successfully. Harry blinked as they exchanged a full-mouthed kiss. The word "mate" started to take on another sense for him…Harry blinked again. The dream of Severus had definitely…unsettled…him. Severus's breath against his ear…

"Er, I've got to go to the library," Harry said, leaping up from the sofa, anxious to leave his friends to their own devices.

To his consternation, he met Marius Rivers on the way.

"Ah, Severus's protégé," the handsome wizard said smoothly.

Harry arched a cool eyebrow reminiscent of the Potions Master.

"Is there something you require, Mr Rivers?" he asked politely.

"Just a few words of sound advice, Mr Potter. Be careful in whom you place your trust."

Harry laughed softly.

"_You_, of all people, are telling me that?"

Marius's face tightened.

"I have seen Severus's…let's call it a tattoo…on his forearm."

A spike of anger stabbed Harry.

"And _you _consider yourself trustworthy? People who talk behind other people's backs tend to be rather hard to trust, Mr Rivers, in case that fact has escaped your attention."

Harry brushed past Marius with a flash of furious green eyes. How dumb does the man think I am? he fumed, and how could Snape possibly fuck an idiot like him? Wait a moment, what exactly am I thinking, and why…?

--


	32. Chapter 32

**CHAPTER 32**

Harry's expression was perfectly serious when he entered Severus's office at eight o'clock, fifty-eight minutes and thirty-three seconds on Saturday evening. Severus tore his eyes away from the clock on his table, blaming his tiredness after a harrowing day of teaching Potions for his abnormal amount of interest in the timepiece.

"Ah. Mr Potter arrives, sure of his victory," he sneered. He had sent Harry a curt note saying that the Sudoku grids would be delivered to them by a staff member via owl in order to avoid either party seeing the game in advance.

It was, however, not an owl which suddenly appeared in Severus's office with a dazzling flash of gold and red. Fawkes, Dumbledore's phoenix, settled down on Severus's shoulder, holding three pieces of parchment in his beak: two identical Sudoku grids for the contestants, and the solutions.

"You roped _Professor Dumbledore_ into this?" Harry asked, astonished.

Severus shot him a frosty glare and held out a parchment without deigning to respond. Harry took it and patted the phoenix. Fawkes rubbed his head against Harry's hand, accepted a couple of sesame seeds Severus offered him and departed with another flash.

Severus handed Harry an Anti-Cheating quill.

"Thank you, sir." Harry said politely. Severus sat down at his desk and pointed at a small table in a far corner of the office.

"Your allotted seat, Potter."

Harry went over to the table. Severus picked up the clock from his table and flung it in the air. It hovered weightlessly between their tables.

Severus pointed his wand at it.

"We will start as soon as it reaches five past nine. I will give the signal."

"I'm on the qui vive, sir," Harry said dryly.

Severus snorted. He watched the hands of the clock and raised his wand.

"Now."

A shower of green sparks flew out of the tip of his ebony wand.

Harry did not start using his quill immediately. Instead, he scanned his Sudoku grid, searching for patterns and clues. Severus cast a clandestine look at him. The youth's front teeth were gnawing gently at his bottom lip, and Severus found himself thinking that Muggle jeans looked better on Harry than wizarding robes. Harry, as if sensing his gaze, looked up. Their eyes met in a piercing stare. Then Harry dropped his eyes and continued with his Sudoku game. Minutes passed in complete silence. Only the occasional scratching of quills could be heard.

Severus was just completing the last table of nine slots when Harry put down his quill. His parchment emitted a shower of gold sparks to indicate that he had finished his grid first. Severus ground his teeth. The brat may have finished faster, but his solutions were probably wrong. He finished his own grid, which emitted the same shower of gold sparks. Then he rose and walked over to Harry's table, snatching up the grid. He Summoned the solutions sheet and compared the two parchments. They were identical. They stared into each other's eyes. Harry flushed a little.

"I really must insist on a rematch, Potter, to regain my shattered dignity."

Harry looked at him sharply. It sounded as if Severus was joking.

"All right, sir."

"We shall meet here again next Saturday. Same time. And…" he leant forward, his hair brushing Harry's cheek as he breathed into Harry's ear, "I will be faster."

Harry's knees went soft for a moment, then he rallied himself and smiled. Severus drew back, black eyes riveted to Harry's green ones.

"You seem very certain, Professor."

Severus crossed his arms on his chest.

"Of course I am, Potter. I must confess, appalling though it may sound, that I am indebted to you after a frankly stimulating evening."

Stimulating indeed, a roguish voice piped up in the back of Severus's mind. Muggle jeans, Muggle jeans...

Harry laughed.

"Thanks, Professor, I enjoyed myself, too."

"Well, Potter, it is late and time for you to leave," Severus said bluntly.

Harry wished him good night and left. His Sudoku grid was still clutched in Severus's hand. Once the door had closed, Severus tucked it away in his drawer with his own grid and the solutions. He had been too overconfident. He hadn't really practised or prepared himself for the evening. He had underestimated Harry Potter when he should not have done so. Or rather, he had _wanted_ to underestimate Harry. He knew that Harry Potter was a powerful young wizard, modest, fiercely loyal, good-natured and smart when he was willing to put in some effort. Severus blamed the Sudoku competition for a particularly vivid dream he had when he went to bed that night.

He was in his Potions classroom. Harry was moving towards him, dressed in Muggle blue jeans and a t-shirt. When he stood in front of Severus, he merely smiled, inclining his face for a kiss, only to turn his head away as Severus's mouth closed in for a duel of desire. He smiled again. Roguishly. Severus snaked an arm around Harry's waist, determined to capture that elusive kiss. Harry moaned, bumped his hips against Severus's and avoided his burning lips yet again. Severus grabbed Harry's hips with a hiss and crushed them against his groaning groin. Harry flung back his head, exposing his throat as they rubbed against each other.

"You will not defeat me during that Sudoku duel," Severus heard himself say in a growl.

"Don't be so sure," Harry panted. "This is a duel in which we are both winners."

Severus felt his body dissolve into molten lava as a jeans-clad thigh slipped between his own thighs…

Severus woke up, sweat-soaked. He got out of bed, removing his pyjamas and underwear. He flung them over the headboard and walked into the bathroom. He clenched his hands at his sides, determined not to touch his screaming erection, remind himself that dreaming of Harry in such a way was disgusting, and that Harry was the son of James, whom he had continued loathing even after James's death. Neither the cold water nor his reflections helped; the heat of his dream continued to burn within him, and in the end, he yielded to its flames, choking back a cry as he came in his hand, the fingers of his other hand splayed against the tiles as he tried to keep his balance. He went back to bed afterwards, sleeping fitfully; it was therefore not surprising that his mood was worse than usual at breakfast time on Sunday morning. Marius Rivers noticed the marked sneer around Severus's mouth as he sat down next to the Potions Master at the staff table. The hint of a smug smile flitted across his sensual features. The students were eating hungrily and chatting like cheerful sparrows. Severus dug viciously at his fried egg.

"Bad night, Snape?" he asked conversationally.

Severus ignored him, transporting a piece of egg to his mouth. Marius shrugged, smiled and helped himself to a couple of sausages. Severus glanced over at the Gryffindor table as he sipped at his mug of hot black tea. Harry seemed absent-minded, staring off into space. Hermione, who was quizzing him and Ron on the class material in order to prepare them for their NEWTS, was in the middle of asking him a question.

"…and animal-to-human transfiguration?"

Harry met Severus's probing gaze and snapped out of his thoughts, averting his gaze to look at Hermione's annoyed face.

"Harry, you are not paying attention!" she scolded him, "and neither are you, Ron! Really, how do you expect to pass at this rate?"

"Relax, honey," Ron murmured.

"Don't 'honey' me, Ronald. This knowledge is important! We need all the knowledge we can get our hands on if we're to defeat Voldemort!"

A chilly cloud seemed to settle around the table.

"_I_ have to defeat him," Harry said flatly, "remember what that damned Prophecy said."

"We're going to do it together," Hermione said stubbornly, "we've told you a hundred times that we're not going to leave you alone, and we've listened to your protests just as many times."

"Thanks, Hermione, but can you let me eat my breakfast in peace?" Harry snapped. Ron shot her an imploring look. She sniffed and returned to eating breakfast and revising simultaneously.

"The habit of reading and eating at the same time is very bad for digestion," Ron said briskly, tugging the book out of her hands and filling her plate with another slice of toast. "You know that you're going to be brilliant, 'Mione."

Hermione blushed.

"One never knows. I don't, in any case," she said.

"But I do. The whole school does, in fact," Ron said. Harry rolled his eyes as they leant towards each other behind his back to exchange a fond kiss. Ginny and Dean decided to imitate them. Harry looked over at the staff table and was fixated by Severus's smouldering gaze again. Three eternal seconds passed, then Harry felt the heat bloom in his face and he hastily lowered his face, passing his hand through his untidy hair nervously. He nibbled at a piece of bacon.

"How is your protégé doing, Snape?" Marius asked nonchalantly.

"If you mean Potter, then kindly refer to him by his name," Severus said curtly.

"I am quite intrigued," Marius said softly.

"By what?" Severus snapped, allowing himself to be drawn into conversation in spite of his reluctance.

"Your interest in the Wizarding Hero."

Severus, used to the harsh discipline his duties as a spy had hammered into him, kept his composure.

"Seeing that I have to tutor him privately, I am forced to be interested in his welfare," he remarked coolly.

"Oh no, no, no, that is not what I mean." Marius leant close to Severus. "I just saw how you were looking at him. You're dying to come inside his ass, aren't you?"

Severus hung on grimly to his control although burning fury scalded his throat.

"Your insinuations are obscene, and you will not talk of any pupil of mine in such a disgusting manner."

"My, my, Sev, besotted with little boys…"

"Your provocative discourse bores me," Severus drawled, "and I am amazed that you perceive an adult as a little boy. Why, Rivers, with views as twisted as yours, I am equally amazed that you are not waiting on the Dark Lord hand and foot."

Marius merely smiled, absorbing the insults with composure.

"Do you think Potter would ever want someone like you, Sev?"

Severus gripped his cutlery tightly as the remark peeled the scab off a never fully healed scar.

"Are you deluding yourself into believing that you can seduce him into your bed, Rivers?" he countered. "The Headmaster will be informed of any plans or rumours which aim to harm Potter."

"How very considerate of you," Marius commented languidly.

Severus's hand flashed out, invisible thanks to the long tablecloth, and cupped Marius's testicles in a vice-like grip. Marius let out a sharp gasp, turning white with pain.

"If you do not stay away from my student, Rivers, I will make sure that you will never ever be able to fuck again."

He tightened his grasp, and Marius hissed through his teeth. Severus let go and continued eating. McGonagall cast an odd look at Marius's blanched face.

"Are you all right?" she asked him curtly.

"Yes, yes – just a twinge of migraine," he lied. Beads of sweat were clustering on his forehead. Severus smirked.

"Excuse me," Marius muttered, getting up. The pain, Severus knew, was excruciating.

--


	33. Chapter 33

**CHAPTER 33**

"Harry, mate, are you going to turn the whole sill into some kind of Noah's ark?" Seamus asked, picking up a miniature dragon. The wooden figure spread its wings and actually puffed out a few rings of smoke from its open mouth. Ron had helped Harry perform various charms on the many animals and creatures Harry had been carving in order to make them "less passive", as Ron had said. Seamus leant forward and plucked a cow off the sill. It mooed at him.

"Cool!"

"It does look a bit cluttered," Harry agreed, shifting some of the figures to make more space.

"You can always open a toy shop if you change your mind about being an Auror," Neville observed, turning a carved owl over in his hands.

"If I have kids one day," Dean said, winking at Ron, "then I'll definitely need to visit a toy shop."

Ron wrinkled his nose at the word "kids".

"I'm simply dying to be an uncle in the near future," he said most insincerely. Harry suppressed a snicker.

"Chess, Ron?" he asked instead. Ron immediately scrabbled for his chess set underneath his bed.

--

Severus flung down his quill impatiently when someone – a very familiar someone – knocked on his door. Severus strode away from his desk.

"Now what?" he snapped when he opened the door to reveal Marius.

"May I please come in?" Marius asked. He looked grim. Severus remembered reading Marius's mind and sensing a hint of something desperately unhappy – something he had decided to interpret as insecurity. When, after all, was the interpreter ever absolutely objective?

"Rivers, do you want me to squeeze your testicles again?"

Marius sighed.

"Look, I need to tell you something. Something which is important. Which will explain things about me."

Severus stepped back.

"I am amazed that you think further explanations are necessary. Anyway, keep it short and sweet, Rivers. I am busy, as you can see."

Marius uttered a bitter laugh.

"Short and sweet is what it was...and what it was for you..."

Severus's mouth thinned dangerously.

"I meant no offense."

"How could I possibly doubt your sincerity?" Severus said in a scorching tone. "You may sit or stand. Lying down, however, is out of the question. I consider horizontal positions between us quite passé, for obvious reasons."

The taller wizard ignored the withering sarcasm and sat down gracefully, crossing his legs.

"I had a love, Severus. It was before I travelled to England and ended up at Potions school. His name was Kevin. I called him Kev for short. I was seventeen, and he was sixteen. He had dark eyes – rather like yours, Severus. And a smile..." His lips trembled for a moment.

"He requited my feelings...but-"

"Ah, the obligatory 'but'. In other words, a typical story of heartbreak and the hypocrisy of love," Severus interrupted him unfeelingly. Marius glared at him.

"Please continue," Severus said.

"His parents tore us apart. He was married off to a nice sensible witch as soon as he completed school," Marius resumed with another bitter smile, "we fought tooth and nail for our relationship before his marriage. We still met while he was engaged to his future spouse. In the end, he gave in. He told me that he had to choose his family over me. I asked him if I was not family enough for him. He answered that blood was thicker than water."

"So you, who had been abused, in a manner of speaking, decided to become the abuser," Severus remarked coldly.

"Is that not what happened to you, Severus? Do you not abuse everyone within reach?"

Marius leant forward, his forehead nearly touching Severus's.

"I hate you. I loathe you. I wish I could kill you. You were a nice temporary distraction at school. I actually liked you because you were so pathetic. But later, when you became a Death Eater, you distracted me all the time. And do you know why?" Marius spat.

"Spill the beans," Severus said icily.

"Because Kevin and his wife and baby girl were killed by Death Eaters two years after I was expelled from Potions school. And you...you were...you _are_ one of them! Tell me, you son of a bitch, did you kill them?" Marius had risen, his face set and his hands clenched at his sides. His sensual mouth was a slash in his distorted face.

Severus had become deathly pale.

"I swear in the name of Merlin that I did not," he said softly.

"And how would you have known who they were?" Marius sounded like a rabid cat.

"The Dark Lord keeps lists of the names of wizards and witches he wants captured; and two years after your expulsion, I was still a...novice, in the process of being…initiated."

"Names. Lists. Like cattle being sent to the slaughterhouse!" Marius shouted.

Severus said nothing.

Marius's features seem to cave in upon themselves, his eyes were glistening with tears.

"I don't know what is worse. Knowing the names of those who killed them or not knowing them at all. All I know is that I loved Kev, loved him like I will never love anyone else..."

"And now you see how destructive love is," Severus said harshly.

"It is the circumstances which are destructive, not love itself," Marius corrected him flatly.

Severus did not answer, choosing instead to stare into space.

"You were in love with me back at school, were you not?" Marius said.

"You know the answer," Severus bit out between clenched teeth, turning his head to look at Marius.

"You were more self-confident. Happier."

"And you most considerately undid the repairs, Rivers."

"I did not love you. As I told you before, I pitied you."

"I recall your words in vivid detail."

"It is admittedly difficult to love someone like you. Maybe even impossible," Marius said with deliberate and cruel gentleness.

"I am aware of it and do not care," Severus retorted, turning his back on Marius.

"It is so easy to hate you, you know," Marius continued in his gentle tone.

"I can say the same about you, Rivers. Well, have you finished pouring out your woes and accusing me of killing your little boy?"

"Don't you dare call him a 'little boy', you bastard!"

"Odd, considering that you refer to Potter, a full adult, as a boy."

Marius simply stared at Severus's back with hatred. Severus added:

"You are a Healer. You should therefore be aware of the art of hurting others and being hurt yourself. Why should you be astonished at being hurt…especially by someone you yourself hurt?"

"Who is talking? _You_ are thoroughly skilled in the…art, as you call it, of hurting others," Marius scoffed with a mirthless laugh.

"Hating me and provoking me will not bring Kevin back to you. You, as a Healer, know how to heal others...but not yourself, am I right? You thought that if you became a Healer and healed others, you would be able to heal yourself through your profession."

Marius looked stricken.

"Yes," he rasped.

"It is my opinion that everyone needs a different method of healing. For you, it is finding a new love, however maudlin it may sound."

"I cannot."

"I was…much attached to you all those years ago," Severus said so softly that Marius almost did not hear him. His black-robed back was still turned towards Marius, hiding any facial display of emotions, "and I do not wish the same bitterness I have experienced to devour you."

"How noble," Marius sneered, sounding and looking like Severus for a moment.

Severus turned around and looked into Marius's grey eyes.

"Please go now. Leave me."

"I still hate you. I always will."

"That is overwhelmingly evident. Good night, Rivers."

"The only consolation I have is the following: I can be absolutely sure that no one will ever love a revolting individual like you," Marius said, slamming the door behind him as he left. Severus's face looked stricken in the gloomy glow of the lamps in his office. Then his usual pitiless mask slid into place, locking away his feelings. However, the next day – a sunny Monday – seemed to be determined to mitigate Marius's statement. Dumbledore invited him to tea and a game of Gobstones, and Harry smiled at him when he visited Severus's office for his Legilimency lesson. The young wizard was performing well, now too used to the occasional biting remark to be irritated, and Dumbledore's Pensieve prevented his intrusions into Severus's mind from becoming too personal. The youth actually teased him, asking him when he would duel in another outfit besides robes.

"I will always wear robes," Severus said stubbornly.

Harry's green eyes sparkled.

"I'd like to see you in something less…"

"Less what?" Severus asked suspiciously.

"Less…well…billowing, sort of. More formfitting. Trousers and shirt, for example."

"I think duelling skills are more important than dress code," Severus snapped. To his horror, he realised that his cheeks were becoming warm.

"One wouldn't think so, judging from your insistence on wearing robes," Harry said shrewdly.

Severus reflected for a few seconds.

"If you win our next round of Sudoku, I will consider your request. But I do not think that you will be the victor again."

"You will only _consider_ my request? That doesn't sound very definite, does it?" Harry asked. Severus began to understand why the Sorting Hat had considered Slytherin for the Boy Who Lived.

Severus sniffed.

"I will favour you with a more definite decision once we have decided on what _you_ will do in case _I_ win the competition, Potter."

"And that would be…?"

"If you win, we shall both duel in shirts and trousers. If I win, we will duel in outdated but still existent costumes: topless."

Harry blinked.

"You mean…wearing only trousers?"

"Yes. Exactly. It will be good practice for you. I am anxious to exploit a prospective victory in the name of your specialised education. Duelling with bare upper portions will make you feel more vulnerable and therefore more determined to defend yourself. Well, Potter, are we agreeable?"

Harry looked him straight in the eye.

"Yes, sir."

Severus's groin began to throb enthusiastically.

"See that you are punctual on Saturday. Reread chapters six and seven of _Legilimency and the Wizarding Mind_. Dismissed."

When Harry left, Severus felt desperate enough to fuck the Whomping Willow.

--


	34. Chapter 34

**CHAPTER 34**

A/N: Dear all, sorry about the shortness of this chapter. I am drowning in translations and my professor has told me to start collecting material for my prospective PhD paper. No holidays for me after the MA exams…:-( Well, it is known that holidays can sometimes be hell-idays! :-)

--

The evening of the second Sudoku competition between the two headstrong wizards arrived, and Harry with it, a twinkle in his green eyes. Severus eyed him suspiciously. The disadvantage of teaching Harry mental magic was that Harry could Occlude him with little effort – he was more than familiar with the signs which foretold Severus's Legilimentic attack. And the fact that a bond of soul sympathy – or soul recognition – existed between them could not be underestimated, although the visions had ceased since Harry had started learning Legilimency, thus restoring a balanced relationship of mental magic between them.

This time, Severus had charged the house-elf Winky, who had recovered from her Butterbeer addiction thanks to her friendship with Dobby, to bring them the three parchments containing the two grids and solutions. Winky disappeared after appearing with the parchments, and Severus spoke:

"I have changed our seating arrangements. If you are agreeable, then we will share the same table."

Harry bit back a smile. Severus usually didn't give a flying Flobberworm about someone agreeing or disagreeing with what he said.

"Certainly, sir," he said, approaching the desk. They sat down, drawing up their chairs to the table. Severus's foot touched Harry's accidentally. The youth didn't seem to notice; he spread the grid before him and looked at Severus, waiting for the starting signal. Severus slid a book between them to prevent clandestine glances at the other's grid and raised his wand, giving the sign. Two dark heads bent over two pieces of parchments, two quills scratching numbers into blank squares. Harry raised his head and caught Severus's eye. They exchanged an intense stare before Harry lowered his eyelids to his grid. The minutes passed in silence. Harry took his time. More time than necessary, in fact. At last, with a poorly concealed smirk of smugness, Severus leant back, crossed his legs at the ankle and drawled:

"I am delighted to announce that _I_ am the winner of our little competition, Potter."

Harry pushed aside his grid. Severus thought he saw that mischievous twinkle in those green eyes again.

"So it's the shirtless duel next Friday?" he asked matter-of-factly, his mouth looking fetchingly kissable.

"Yes – but do have the decency to keep your upper portions covered until you have accessed the classroom."

Harry raised an eyebrow in a reminiscently Snape-ish manner.

"I do possess a modicum of decency and dignity," he reassured the Potions Master.

"Indeed?" Severus said with exaggerated incredulity.

"I see that I shall really have to prove myself to you," Harry said.

Severus leant towards him.

"You will always have to prove yourself to me. Thank you for a most satisfying evening, Potter. You may return to your dormitory."

--

Back in the Gryffindor common room, Ron was playing Exploding Snap with Neville.

Harry carefully masked his exhilaration and glumly informed Hermione that he had lost to Snape. He felt rather guilty.

"So what will you have to do?" she asked him solicitously.

"An extra round of duelling." He carefully avoided telling her that the duel would be topless and felt his conscience twinge. Of course, he reasoned, Hermione would never believe that fastidious restrictive Severus Snape might be uncontrolled enough to "solicit" a student. No one would ever believe such a thing…especially when inevitably taking the well-known hostility between Severus and Harry into account. Former hostility, Harry thought. Severus did seem to be…flirting…with him. Severus Snape, of all people. Soul sympathy. Or cock sympathy? Harry made an odd spluttering noise at the deliciously dirty thought.

"Harry? Are you fine?" Hermione asked, frowning.

"Yeah. Just thinking of how I could have won that Sudoku game." He bent over, fiddling with his sneaker. He was a bad liar, and he knew that it would show in his face. Pretending to settle his shoe seemed the best way to inconspicuously avert his face.

"Well, what's done is done," Hermione said wisely, patting his back.

--

It was the day of _the_ duel. Severus was wearing a pair of carefully ironed trousers underneath his robes. All he had to do was unfasten three of four buttons, followed by a touch of his wand which would make his robes fall open, revealing him in only his pants. His dark eyes crinkled with anticipation when he heard Harry's familiar knock on his door. Severus flicked his wand at it, and it opened, admitting his student. A t-shirt and, oh Merlin! Blue jeans. Their eyes locked.

"I strongly recommend that you remove superfluous items of clothing for our duel," Severus said suavely. I would like to see you remove…everything, the Potions Master added silently.

Harry plucked off his spectacles, placing them on Severus's desk. He pulled his t-shirt over his head, draped it neatly over a chair and retrieved his spectacles. Severus tried very hard not to stare at the expanse of delectably bare chest, stomach and abdomen or at the faint alluring trail of dusky hair dipping into those enticing blue jeans. He failed miserably, of course. His long fingers, usually so skilled and agile, actually fumbled on the first button of his robes. Harry was waiting, watching him discreetly from underneath lowered eyelids. Drawing courage from the youth's shyness, Severus pushed his uncertainty about his own body into the remotest corner of his mind and undid the buttons. A lazy tap of his wand later, and his robes unfolded themselves and slid off his body, pooling around his booted feet. He saw Harry moisten his bottom lip. He picked up his robes and tossed them casually onto the same chair over which Harry had draped his t-shirt. Harry's green eyes indulged in what could only be described as a most appreciative glance at his bare upper portions. A flush spread over the youth's cheeks. Severus's trouser-clad legs moved smoothly as he walked over to a wall.

"You seem to like what you see," Severus remarked, knowing that he was moving beyond the teacher-student boundaries. But he was a lousy teacher anyway. His groin was lousy as well, he decided.

"I do," Harry said with characteristic Gryffindor directness. Then, eyes looking extremely innocent – too innocent – behind the round glasses, he added:

"There wouldn't happen to be a similar dress code for mental magic, would there?"

Severus's mouth dipped upwards into a sensual smile.

"Mental magic is not viewed as a competitive sport, otherwise it would not hold the reputation of being such an obscure branch of magic," he replied, twirling his ebony wand in his slender fingers.

"Hm," Harry said contemplatively, drawing out his holly wand. Harry-Hyacinthus, Severus mused. I want your lips and hips crushed against mine…

"Let us begin," he whispered in velvet tones, curving his body in the compulsory opening bow. Harry bowed just as gracefully. The contestants straightened, raising their wands.

--


	35. Chapter 35

**CHAPTER 35**

A haze of smoke filled the classroom. There was a smell of singed cloth. A murmured spell cleared both view and smell. Two individuals were lying on the ground, the smaller slight one underneath the taller long-limbed wizard. The latter was holding the former individual's wrists in a firm grip above the messy-haired head. Two wands seemed to be watching the pair a short distance away.

"I won," Severus said softly, releasing Harry's wrists. Their bare chests and stomachs were pressed together. Harry raised one leg, flexing it and pressing his knee against Severus's hip. The friction sent heat waves radiating in his groin. Carefully, ever so Slytherin-carefully, he moved his hips and watched a spark leap in those dark eyes.

"You didn't." Harry's voice and gaze were stubborn.

"I most certainly did, so kindly stop contradicting me," Severus said, rather enjoying their teasing argument and the feel of Harry's body against his own.

"You cheated, sir. You tripped me up with your foot. That's not exactly wand-work." Harry pretended to want to escape from underneath Severus's weight, getting a good, solid rub against Severus's stomach out of the movement and a responding roll from the Potions Master's hips as Severus tried to hold Harry down. Harry was sure that he could feel…something…hardening against his abdomen.

"I was drawing on all my experience, Potter." Severus sounded slightly hoarse.

"Obviously," Harry said. He gyrated his hips again, wondering at his own insane rashness.

"Stop wiggling," Severus hissed at him from between clenched teeth.

"I want to get up, sir," Harry explained.

Severus raised a self-satisfied eyebrow and slowly rose to his feet.

"An understandable wish. Rise and shine, Potter."

Harry got up, straightening his trousers furtively. Severus managed not to look at the bud-like nipples which seemed to have been made to nip and nibble at. Nibble-nipples, he thought and immediately reprimanded himself for such frivolous foolish reflections and word games.

"Since we cannot agree on who won, how about a compromise? We _both_ won," he said. Severus's mind jerked back to that erotic dream he had had of Harry.

_"This is a duel in which we are both winners."_

"Logic and common sense dictate that only one person can win a duel," Severus said in a bored tone.

"Well, this one is an exception, Professor."

"Nonsense, Potter."

"I've had more lessons with you than with anyone else. So can you please drop 'Potter' and call me by my first name? Sir?"

"It is with a thrill of absolute shock and amazement that I hear you acknowledge the amount of time spent in my forbidding presence. Well then, Potter, if you manage to achieve a very…very…very good mark in your Potions NEWT then I will call you 'Harry'."

The hair actually stood up on Harry's arms as Severus, for the very first time in so many years, called him by his first name.

"And what does a 'very…very…very good mark' mean?"

"An 'Outstanding', of course. Potter."

Harry pursed his lips in a critical expression.

"I think that's more up Hermione's street, sir," he said.

Severus snorted.

"It is frankly heartbreaking that Miss Granger's skill hasn't rubbed off on your brewing after so many years."

"I have been improving."

"I want your _best_, Potter," Severus growled, "and teaching you has revealed to me that you do have a brain in your cranium after all."

"And learning from you has revealed to me that there's…a lot… to admire about traditional duelling."

Harry's eyes lingered for a moment on Severus's chest. A heat wave washed over Severus's face. Harry, too, flushed, knowing that he was being dangerously bold.

"Is there any other way to convince you to drop 'Potter'?" he tried again.

"Of course not."

"Anyway, Hermione will be delighted to know that you've finally paid her a compliment."

Severus glared at him. Grinning, Harry reached for his t-shirt and put it on. Severus took the opportunity to feast his eyes on the strip of appetising midriff as Harry's face disappeared behind the cloth for a moment. He quickly resumed his glare when Harry's head reappeared.

"I still insist that we both won this duel," Harry insisted, settling his t-shirt.

Severus continued glaring at him and announced:

"In ancient Greece, boys used to engage in sportive activities without any clothes at all. I might think of applying this custom to our next duel if you do not see sense, Potter."

"Sounds interesting. We can ask the Headmaster for permission," Harry said innocently. "As long as we don't end up in a state similar to the one in the picture of Hyacinthus and Apollo."

Severus spluttered, opening his mouth to launch into a tirade about improper conduct and detentions.

"I meant, in a state of…deadishness," Harry added.

"Out!" Severus barked, pointing at the door.

"How about a third Sudoku competition?"

"No! And it is I who won the duel," Severus snapped, realising that he was, to his horror, actually sounding petulant.

Harry moved gracefully towards the door.

"Good night, sir."

Severus sniffed haughtily in return. With a mischievous smile, his young student left him to his own devices. As soon as the door closed, Severus unzipped his trousers with a moan.

Harry managed to overcome Severus's refusal where future Sudoku games were concerned.

Sudoku competitions soon became one of their favourite pastimes. After their Legilimency lessons, they would sit together at the desk in Severus's office, each wizard armed with an identical grid which was punctually delivered by Winky the house-elf. Whoever managed to complete his grid first was the winner. Severus discovered that Harry was a worthy opponent, and Harry was pleased to find himself and the Potions Master so well matched in this game. Unfortunately, their time together was drawing to a close; the NEWTs were about to take place. Seventh-years were using every free minute to study. Hermione had become a permanent occupant of the library from where not even Ron could dislodge her.

"No, Ronald, I do not have the time to snog you," she would flare at him, "and you should be revising Charms. Where is the timetable I drew up for you?"

Severus was no less thorough, setting the seventh-years such difficult potions to brew that a student ended up with a nervous breakdown in the middle of class and had to be carried down, screaming and swearing, to the hospital wing. Hermione hovered anxiously over her cauldron, eyeing the bubbles nervously, her face so tense that she gave the impression of suffering from lockjaw. Harry, too, was nervous – but not only because of the exam pressure. Whenever Severus approached his cauldron, his heart was thud crazily, and he would be forced to suppress tremors running through his extremities. Sometimes his eyes would meet those dark smouldering ones, and his face would grow warm and his sex rigid. Occlumency, he would scream at himself, and manage to regain the fragments of his composure. He did not have time to indulge in woodworking, but he did find himself indulging in a manual occupation of a rather different kind underneath the bedclothes. His desperation to keep his longings secret from Severus resulted in his mental magic skills increasing even more. He thought of Severus's body pressed against his and knew that Severus had liked what he had seen of Harry's topless portions; and if he was willing to submit to Sudoku competitions, then he had to like more than Harry's physical endowments.

"I am starting to think that he likes _me_. Harry. Just Harry," he murmured to Hedwig as he fastened a letter to Remus Lupin to her foot. Remus was the voice of reason combined with the perfect amount of roguishness. In this situation, Harry felt that Remus would understand him better than Ron or Hermione, especially with the exams charging towards them like irate Hippogriffs.

--


	36. Chapter 36

**CHAPTER 36**

Harry's diary now consisted mostly of entries concerning the exams, his friends – and the largest portion was devoted to the enigmatic and thorny personality of Severus Snape. Harry had admitted to himself that he was actually feeling more than just a childish immature crush on the man; and having managed to put years of mutual resentment behind them, appreciated and respected him, even though Severus cloaked his emotions behind his mask of infamous sarcasm. Harry knew him too well thanks to mental magic, and, moreover was familiar with little unconscious gestures Severus made – cues which hinted at Severus's mood or thoughts. When the Potions Master traced his mouth with his long index finger, then it meant that he was pensive. If he paced to and fro, he was restless due to his work as a spy and brooding thoughts related to Voldemort; and when the corners of his mouth dipped upwards in a slow smile and his eyes creased at the corners, he was genuinely pleased. As for rage – Harry had had more than enough experience to recognise the danger signs. On the other hand, that sentiment had not been directed him for quite a long time, ever since he had become friends with Severus. Yes, he was definitely friends with Severus. Good friends. Special friends.

"FIREBOLT TO EARTH, HARRY POTTER!" Hermione's voice was shrill as it disrupted Harry from his reflections.

"Huh?" he asked.

Hermione was bristling at him.

"I just asked you a Transfigurations question to see how well prepared-"

"Er, can you please repeat it?"

"Really, how do you and Ron expect to pass your exams if you don't _concentrate_? This is _important_, we are going to _graduate_-"

Ron leant over and kissed her cheek. His ploy worked; Hermione immediately calmed down; mollified, she ruffled Ron's red hair and shook her head reprovingly at Harry. Harry blushed when he discovered himself picturing Severus ruffling his, Harry's, messy hair.

--

"CONCENTRATE, POTTER!" Severus railed at his pupil during a particularly fatiguing Legilimency hour. Harry was feeling nervous because it was his second last Legilimency lesson with Severus before the NEWT exams. Dumbeldore intended for him to stay at Hogwarts after his graduation, but he had only heard it _said_; nothing definite had been decided as yet – not to his knowledge, at least. He wondered if he would continue seeing a lot of Severus in case he indeed continued staying on at Hogwarts, the only reliable source of protection for him. For them all, Harry thought. And then, of course, there were his feelings towards Severus Snape…

Severus's ferocious bellow and stare made Harry wince inwardly.

"You are distracted, Potter!" Severus added stingingly.

"NEWT exams…"

Severus's glare seemed to smoke.

"A lame excuse for your lack of concentration!" was his scornful rejoinder. "We are going to start again. Da capo!" He made a swiping gesture with his wand like a conductor waving his baton.

Harry took a deep breath, steadying himself to "read" Severus's mind. The man was so skilled that he could actually select precise memories to prepare for Harry's invasion – something Severus did very often whenever Voldemort tried to get information from him. It was when Harry used Occlumency and Legilimency occurred as a side effect that Severus found it nearly impossible to focus on "disposable" memories which Harry could peruse, in a manner of speaking. Severus had tried using fake memories – another tactic which he used with Voldemort; this, however, did not work because his relationship with Harry was based on trust and soul sympathy, among other things. Harry knew him in a way not even Dumbledore knew him, and Severus, too, had got to know Harry via this mentally intimate way. Offering Harry fake memories would be like fooling the youth and insulting him; and it was quite possible that Harry would recognise fake memories. Their relationship would suffer. At the same time, Severus was both exhilarated and worried about his growing sexual interest in Harry – an interest which was actually far more than only sexual. He discovered, to his shock, that he was becoming…fond…of the young man. Harry knew exactly how to add piquancy to their conversation. He was the only one besides Dumbledore who seemed to feel comfortable around Severus, smiling, laughing and even joking a little with him. Severus remembered Harry as an eleven-year-old child. A sweet good-natured child, who, in spite of his horrid home life, had not been ruined by cynicism and bitterness. Even after years of mutual loathing, Harry had managed to learn to like Severus. Severus's thin cheeks flushed at the image of Harry lying underneath him after their shirtless duel. There had been something in those green eyes which had told him that Harry more than liked him. Severus had imagined stripping off Harry's pants and underwear and kissing that body all over. Kissing that teasing titillating mouth. Dumbledore had told him that Harry was be staying at Hogwarts after graduating.

"If that boy graduates," Severus had thrown in, more for the sake of maintaining his usual mask. Dumbledore had smiled a strange knowing smile.

"He will, Severus, he will. All I have to do is call him to my office and tell him. I am very glad that you are willing to supervise him and train him."

"He is passable enough when he makes the effort."

The blue eyes had twinkled like Christmas decorations.

"Yes, you two suit each other very well. It did take a little time, but better late than never."

Severus still found himself turning that observation over in his mind. Especially the first bit.

The Legilimency lesson was nearly over when a burning pain shot through Severus's left forearm. His face went blank and his clutched at the searing patch of branded skin. Harry understood immediately. Severus averted his eyes in case he saw disgust in those green eyes. Another surge of pain overwhelmed him. He bit back a gasp and tried to steady himself against his hard desk; but an arm intervened – Harry's arm.

"Sir, please allow me…" The arm supported him, and a firm hand, cool and gentle, touched the Dark Mark.

"I have to leave this instant," Severus rasped, "and so must you."

"Sir-"

"Go, Potter. Now."

"I just wanted to say, 'take care of yourself'."

Their eyes met, and their gazes seemed to wrestle with each other for a second before Harry left the office on silent feet.

--

Something was up. Harry felt a strange kind of tension as soon as he set foot in the Gryffindor common room. Hermione, Ron and Ginny had expressions of muted excitement on their faces.

"Harry, someone's waiting for you in Dumbledore's office. Dobby came to tell us. The password is 'ear jam'. Ugh."

"Someone?"

Ron grinned.

"We've seen him already, mate. Go on-"

"Oy, I just want to change into something fresh, so hang on…"

"Oh, and Dobby said not to tell anyone else that someone is waiting for you," Ginny piped up.

Puzzled and intrigued, Harry went upstairs. He rushed down in five minutes, his feet thumping loudly on the stairs. Hermione, who was quizzing Ron on Charms, shushed him impatiently. Ron took the opportunity to roll his eyes at Harry. Ginny and Dean were playing Exploding Snap near the fireplace.

"Ear jam," Harry gasped out the password when he reached the Gargoyle. There was no need to knock on Dumbledore's office door when he arrived. Remus Lupin was standing in the doorway, smiling at him.

--


	37. Chapter 37

**CHAPTER 37**

"Harry, why don't you escort Remus to his rooms? Sixth floor, first corridor right, second door left," Dumbledore said, smiling, "but before you two leave, I have something to tell you. You are going to turn eighteen in July, Harry, and Privet Drive, as you know, offers you no more protection. You will stay at Hogwarts after your graduation – spending time at The Burrow or at Grimmuald Place is unfortunately out of the question."

Harry nodded. His presence, he had come to learn, put others at risk; the last thing he wanted to do was place the Weasley family in danger if Death Eaters tracked him down.

"You have spent a lot of time with Severus, and he will continue teaching and supervising you after your exams. From what Severus had heard at the meetings and gleaned from Legilimency, Voldemort plans to strike in September or maybe earlier. Half the Order of the Phoenix is here at the moment for a meeting, which partially explains Remus's presence."

"And the other part-"

"-is your letter, Harry." Lupin's light-brown eyes were as kind as always, with not a hint of repulsion in them. His robes were shabby as always, but his thick long hair, though flecked with premature grey, his posture and the lines of will in his face assured Harry that Remus was determined to fight.

"What you wrote naturally remains between you two," Dumbledore added. "Finally, Harry, we would be very glad if you, Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger joined the Order."

Harry smiled.

"Ah, no wonder why they were so excited," he observed. "But first I have to pass the exams."

"Of course, it is could to take things in steps."

"I know that there is not much time…"

"Rushing, Harry, is quite often a very unfruitful approach. Well, my dear boys – chop chop!"

Remus laughed, his face suffused with old memories from his own school days.

"Good night, Albus."

"Good night, Professor."

The two wizards turned and left Dumbledore's office.

"How are you?" Harry inquired anxiously.

"Hale and hearty."

"I'm glad you're okay. Thank you for coming all the way here, Remus," Harry said gratefully.

"You are practically my godson now, Harry." His words were laced with melancholy, and Harry knew that Remus was thinking of Sirius.

"You loved him, didn't you?"

"Loved whom?"

"Sirius. Like, you were _in_ love with him."

A shadow travelled over Remus's face.

"Yes," he said briefly.

"But…it was unrequited…?" Harry tried to prod delicately.

"Yes."

"Sirius never knew? Never suspected?"

"No. I am here to talk about _your_ feelings towards another man, Harry," Remus said with a tone of finality.

"Er, yes. Sorry. Uhm…Well...So…" Harry flushed.

"So. You feel strongly towards Severus. You are, among other things, sexually attracted to him, as I interpreted your letter."

"I find him attractive, yes. But, it's not just that. It's like…he's letting me in. Very slowly. Letting me into his personality. Like…he can be funny. I've seen him smile and heard him laugh. I've learnt that I can trust him. And…I just…I…" Harry slammed his fist against the left part of his chest.

"Definitely not a schoolboy crush," Remus commented, "I can see that you are rather hopelessly in love with Severus."

They were walking down the stairs to the sixth floor. A wizard was ascending them. It was Marius Rivers. To Harry's consternation, the two men checked each other out, Marius's grey eyes travelling over Remus's figure keenly. Remus, too, had a good look at Marius.

"Mr Rivers, if I am not mistaken?" Remus asked pleasantly.

"You are not at all mistaken," Marius said in his most charming manner, extending his hand. Remus took it. Harry narrowed his eyes at Marius, but the Healer didn't take any notice.

"I am afraid that I do not know your name, though."

"I am Remus Lupin."

"Ah, Albus mentioned you to me once. May I call you Remus? You can call me Marius, naturally."

They shook hands. Harry dug the toe of his sneaker into the stone tile until his toes protested plaintively. Marius gave Remus a bright smile and continued his route.

"What's wrong, Harry?" Remus murmured.

"I don't like Marius Rivers," Harry snapped." He's a liar and a cheat."

Remus's eyebrows climbed his forehead. Harry reddened.

"I…I got to know things about him during…er…"

"Yes?" Remus prompted.

"During my lessons with Professor Snape."

"Ah. I see."

"No, you don't see, you _can't_ see, you don't know what Rivers-" Harry broke off, not wanting to betray Severus's trust in him. "Anyway, I've seen enough to form an opinion on him, and he made a scene in the Great Hall once."

"A scene?"

"There was a quarrel," Harry said evasively.

"With Severus?"

"Yeah."

"Well, Harry, everyone knows that Severus is not the easiest of men to approach."

"It's what makes him so interesting," Harry pointed out.

"Of course – as a Gryffindor, you're bound to like challenges even in the romance department."

"This is not about House qualities and stuff, Remus. I just don't know what to do. When I graduate – _if_ I graduate-"

"You will graduate. Restart the 'when'-sentence."

"Okay. When I graduate, I'll be staying here at Hogwarts. With Severus continuing to teach me, even though I won't really be his student anymore. And…I don't know…with Voldemort around…people waiting…and…who says Severus is, uh, interested in me as well…?" Harry seemed to be speaking to himself now. They had reached Remus's quarters. Remus spoke the password, and the portrait on the door beckoned to him with its finger, and the door opened.

"Come in, Harry, and let us sit down. It's better to discuss such issues when seated."

"Okay."

They both sat down on the sofa.

"Severus is not an easy man to be with for another reason. Imagine yourself in a relationship with him. How will your friends react? What if Voldemort finds out?"

"Are you dissuading me? Remus, I don't even know what's really going on between the two of us."

"I am not dissuading you, Harry-"

"How would _you_ react? You said that you didn't dislike Severus."

"I am only being factual about Severus. As for my reaction: I would wish both of you happiness, health and a nice home to share together."

Harry raked his hands through his hair.

"I don't know how to tell Snape that I like him! He might guillotine me or something." He burst out, "and there's this soul sympathy bond…"

"Yes, you mentioned that in your letter," Remus said with a humorous smile. "Listen, Harry. Severus is a deeply unhappy man. I think that you have found ways to make him happy. You now accept Severus the way he is. Severus can hate fixedly and for years. He continued hating James even after he died. He transferred his hatred to you. He still loathes me after all these years. If Severus can hate with such passion, then I am convinced…that he can love with as much passion. From what you have written, he has changed his feelings towards you. Sudoku competitions, eh?"

Harry laughed.

"Yeah. He loves Sudoku. He'll never admit outright that he's lost, though."

"Your eyes sparkle when you speak about Severus," Remus smiled. "Now, I'd like to know more about this soul sympathy topic. Your description was rather brief, and since you said that it is obscure, I did not have the patience to consult my books."

Harry raised his feet, resting them on the edge of the seat, and embraced his knees with his arms. He told Remus everything. He did not tell him about Severus's memories, but he did mention the kiss between Severus and Marius and how it had made him feel.

"I can still feel it," Harry said with a small sigh.

"That kiss made you perceive Severus as a sexual being, did it not?" Remus asked shrewdly.

"Yeah. It did. It was kind of sexy to see Snape kiss."

"To see Severus in action. Hm, yes," Remus said mischievously. "So you would like to be in Marius's place and kiss Severus?"

Harry went scarlet, shifting on the sofa. Remus laughed and put an arm around Harry's shoulders.

"I suggest that you wait until after graduation and try to find a way to get that kiss you want; but Harry, this is no game. Do not toy with Severus. Hurt Severus, and he hurts for life."

Harry's green eyes were serious and sad.

"I know, Remus. I know. I don't want him to hurt any longer. I want him to be happy."

"Yes, you love him maturely," Remus murmured, half to himself, half to Harry.

"What shall I do, Remus? Do I tell him after the exams are over and corrected?"

"That, Harry, is your decision. For now, concentrate on the exams."

Harry squared his shoulders and nodded, leaning his head against Remus's shoulder.

--

The NEWT exams were on the seventh-year-students before they knew it. Students were cramming till three in the morning, quizzing each other in bed and revising at the last moments with notes scattered over the bed sheets. Relationships were put on hold, the library was full to bursting, and floods of good-luck letters arrived via owl post. Harry received an affectionate card from Mrs Weasley. He kept the card on his bedside table. Ron was pleased.

"Like it, don't you?"

"It shows me that I've got a family in you, Ron," Harry said. Ron gave him a brotherly hug and ruffled his hair.

"Remember when we first met at the station? We two were brothers from that moment onwards, mate," he said with a reminiscent smile.

--

In the meantime, the members of the Order of the Phoenix were busy discussing sinister matters. An encounter between Remus and Severus was therefore inevitable.

"Lupin," Severus said coldly by way of greeting.

"Severus, how are you?"

"Busy, as usual."

"Harry said that you have been teaching him mental magic," Remus smiled.

"I have."

"You are good friends, I believe."

"I assume," Severus remarked with a sneer, "that your comments are supposed to draw me out. You want to ensure that Potter is not being tortured by me, Lupin."

"I am fully aware of the fact that you are protecting Harry. You would never torture him. Harry trusts you. So does Dumbledore, and so do I."

"How flattering."

"It is not flattery. It is the truth. I also want to thank you for brewing the Wolfsbane Potion for me and sending Dobby with it."

"It is a pleasure," Severus drawled in a bored tone. "Good night, Lupin."

He whisked away in a billow of black robes. Remus, however, smiled. He had seen a delicate flush suffuse Severus's cheeks at the mention of Harry's name. He had also seen a sparkle in those black eyes. Remus tapped his chin thoughtfully. He would have to see the pair together, he decided, and watch how they interacted. His musings turned to Sirius. He still dreamt of him. Of his brash smile and pre-Azkaban joie de vivre. Marius's smile had been equally brash, full of self-confidence and charm. On the other hand, Harry's opinion of the man was quite poor. Still, nearly everyone's opinion concerning Severus Snape was just as poor. And Harry was in the process of falling for the intolerable man. So what if Remus decided to make up his own mind about Marius Rivers? Did Marius know about Remus's condition? He doubted Dumbledore had divulged such a personal fact. Or had Marius read that absurd article in _The Prophet_ about Dumbledore hiring bloodthirsty werewolves to teach innocent little children? His eyes gleamed. Let Marius make up his own mind as well.

--

It was Severus's and Harry's very last lesson before the exams – but not the last if Harry managed to pass his exams and graduate.

The lesson was perfectly normal; their duel was fierce, interrupted by Severus two or three times to correct Harry's strategies in his usual stern tones. When the lesson was over, Severus announced with his equally usual abruptness:

"You may leave, Potter."

"I want to give you something before I go, sir," Harry said, walking over to his bag. Severus noticed that he didn't rummage around in it – whatever he was searching for, he had placed it on the very top of the pile of contents.

"I'm sorry I didn't have the time to wrap it. I hope you'll find it useful."

Harry handed a rectangular box to Severus, who turned it over slowly in his hands. His initials, two beautifully carved serpentine characters etched in the wood, met his eyes. At a complete loss for words, he opened the box and inhaled the characteristic fragrance of camphor. The hinges were perfectly neat and straight. Severus had seen boxes with big hinges hammered clumsily and crookedly into the wood.

Severus's long fingers caressed the box. He knew that Harry must have spent hours working on it. He also knew that Harry did not like to use magic when carving wood unless it was to charm animal figures to puff smoke, moo, screech and produce a variety of sounds when picked up and handled. It happened extremely rarely that he did not know what to say. When he recovered his voice, he placed his hand on Harry's shoulder briefly and said:

"Thank you, Harry. It is a fine work of art."

Harry flushed with pleasure and smiled at him.

"You did it."

"Did what?"

"Called me 'Harry'. Do I still need to get an 'Outstanding' in Potions?"

"Naturally."

"I'm glad you like it." He nodded at the box.

Severus hesitated; then he said steadily: "I will always cherish your gift…Harry."

Their eyes, caught in a deep stare, refused to break the invisible bridge between them.

"Do well in your exams," Severus said finally.

"I will."

There was another pause between them, interrupted by Harry after a few moments.

"Good night, Professor. And…thank you."

"Good night, Ha-Potter."

The youth flashed him a brilliant grin and left the classroom. Severus held the box to the light.

No one had ever given him something that had been laboured over for weeks by the donor's own hands; and discreetly etched on an inner rim of the box, he found the following inscription:

"for S. S. from H.P."

It made the gift all the more personal. He shut the lid and opened it again, breathing in the smell of camphor. Severus suddenly wanted to weep, wondering why Harry had chosen _him_ to be the recipient of such a sweet gesture. Wondering…thinking…feeling…and not daring to hope…

Severus went back to his quarters and rummaged through his possessions. He put the things most precious to him in Harry's box: an onyx ring Albus had given him for his thirtieth birthday; a broken raven-feather quill, the very first one he had bought before going to Hogwarts for his first year; a bezoar, a Chocolate Frog picture of Albus Dumbledore and one of Fawkes's tail feathers. The phoenix would drop one whenever he was involved in the Order's missions and had to leave warnings or messages. Dumbledore usually gathered the feathers right away but had given a particularly fine specimen to Severus with the words:

"Whenever you feel hopeless, Severus, look at this, and you may feel less burdened."

He had looked at it from time to time; and then Dumbledore had told him about the core of Voldemort's wand. Severus had stopped looking at it. But now, he remembered that another wand had the same core from the same source: Harry's wand. Harry.

He opened the drawer of his desk and extracted a Sudoku grid which Harry had left behind and he, Severus, had kept. Severus folded it neatly, put it inside the box and carefully lowered the lid. He bowed his head and tears ran down his cheeks silently at the realisation that he had fallen completely and hopelessly in love with the warm-hearted youth.

--


	38. Chapter 38

**CHAPTER 38**

A/N: I'm sooo sorry about the delay! I have been bogged down with translation assignments, I am the middle of discussing my doctoral thesis with my professor, and I had a minor case of writer's block. I hope that you'll like this chapter just the same :-D

--

Hermione, Ron and Harry were lying on a towel in the grass, their shoes off. A bee tried to inspect Ron's nostril. There was a faint crackle of voiceless magic, and the bee was propelled back violently.

"Ron, that was mean," Hermione complained.

"I don't want my nose to be turned into a beehive."

Harry laughed. The NEWT exams were over. Everyone had sore hands from all the writing. Hermione had written so much that she had sprouted blisters on two fingers.

"I do hope that I answered that question on-"

"'Mione, you know that you'll be top of the whole school," Harry said exasperatedly.

"Success is not something to be taken for granted," Hermione responded wisely.

"It can be taken for granted with you," Ron purred.

Hermione began to tear out tufts of grass.

"Now we have to wait for three weeks until we receive the results," she sighed.

"I'll know then first since I'll have to continue staying here," Harry said gloomily. He wasn't sure if he had put enough rosemary in his potion during the Potions exam. Like with the OWL exams, external examiners had supervised the whole procedure.

Severus Snape walked near them, the hem of his robe nearly touching Harry's bare foot. His black eyes met Harry's for the fraction of a second. Then Potions Master was carrying a crate in his arms to collect Potions ingredients. Harry reddened a little. Severus's tall figure receded. Harry became aware of a sharp prodding in his ribs.

"So you _do_ like that idiot?" Ron asked him.

"Well, we get on much better now," Harry said evasively, studying the flittering and fluttering of a frisky butterfly, "and he's not an idiot."

"Mate, that was definitely a I-want-to-get-into-your-robes look!" Ron said, sounding scandalised.

"Harry, we _know_," Hermione said simply.

"Know what?" Harry said with mounting nervousness.

"That you fancy that…thing," Ron said.

"Snape is not a thing!" Harry said indignantly.

"See? That's what I mean," Ron observed with grim triumph.

Harry sat up and shook the grass from his hair.

"I don't know how it happened. Well, I guess it was all this soul recognition stuff, and the mental magic, and being forced to get to know each other at first, and then doing so voluntarily, and the Sudoku, and-"

"Harry, we understand. I _do_, anyway," Hermione interrupted him gently.

"I honestly don't understand or…or…well…approve of _Snape_ being your heart's desire…or dick's desire…"

"RONALD WEASLEY!" Hermione snapped.

"-but you don't need _my_ approval, it's your decision, and if you think that moron – I mean, Snape will make you…happy…"

"I think he will," Harry said rather coldly, "and don't call him names, please."

"As if _you_ never called him names-"

"Called. Past tense. It was before I got to really know him."

"Ron," Hermione said softly. It was enough; Ron muttered an apology, patted Harry's arm and lay back down again.

"Just don't tell me what Snape looks like in the buff," he said gruffly, trying to repair the disturbed ambience.

However, if Ron was sceptical about the bond between his best friend and the Potions Master, then Harry himself was no less sceptical about the fact that Remus and Marius seemed to be going out together for evening walks on a regular basis. Remus was on Order business; but, as Harry privately suspected, Remus wanted to be close to Harry during the final stage of his quasi-godson's education, and, in addition, ensure that Severus did not hurt Harry emotionally.

Harry's temper rose whenever he saw Marius flash his smiles at Remus. A few days before the students left, Harry decided to take matters into his own hands and waited for Marius in front of the Healer's office.

"Ah, Potter, what can I do for you?" Marius asked languidly when he returned from dinner and found Harry waiting for him.

"If you hurt Remus, then you will regret it," Harry said, closing in for the attack without delay and enunciating each word.

"Is that so?" Marius asked, his grey eyes becoming hard.

"Oh yes," Harry said in a low dangerous voice which was uncannily like Severus's whenever the Potions Master was incensed.

Harry and Marius stared at each for a long unpleasant moment before Harry turned and marched away, his back stiff. He wondered if Marius would tell Remus about what had happened. And Marius did, because the very next morning, Harry was accosted by an unsmiling Remus Lupin.

"I believe you threatened Mr Rivers," he said coldly.

Harry flushed hotly.

"I don't want him to hurt you. I've seen things – true things."

"Marius has explained the situation to me."

"And are you still going to go out with him?" Harry asked bluntly, planting his hands on his hips.

"That is my business, Harry – just like it is your business whether you will be happy or unhappy with Severus," Remus growled, and Harry seemed to hear the wolf in his voice.

"I…I'm just…worried about you."

"Stop worrying about me, then," Remus said curtly, "and spare me your judgement. I could be just as judgmental about Severus as you are about Marius, and you would feel like I do now."

"Marius hurt Severus!" Harry snapped, green eyes narrowing.

"He did so quite a long time ago. If I am not mistaken, Severus had his revenge. Severus always did have a penchant for vengeance."

"It was justified in this case!" Harry snapped.

"You see, Harry? You know Severus in ways I do not. I want to know Marius in ways you do not."

"Have fun, then," Harry said roughly. Remus sighed.

"Harry, surely you are mature enough to understand-"

"I'm just, well, worrying about you a bit!"

"I think that I am fairly capable of looking after myself. If I am disappointed by Marius, or if I cause Marius disappointment, then it is my call. And if you are disappointed with Severus, then it will be your call. I appreciate your concern, but I do not need it. We are consenting adults, in case you have not realised it as yet."

Harry bit his lip. Remus's words stung.

"Yeah. Right. Okay. Fine. Sorry," he said flatly. He returned to his dormitory in low spirits, feeling as if Remus, too, was being taken away – not only by the threat of Voldemort looming over them all, but also by Marius Rivers.

The few days of term after the exams were quickly over. Harry found himself watching his friends prepare for departure with something like bereavement.

"I've not been told for how long I'm supposed to stay. But I know till when. Until I meet Voldemort face to face again," he said to Ron and Hermione. Ron swallowed visibly, and Hermione's bottom lip trembled for a second. The young woman mastered the spasm and said fiercely:

"You are being prepared by the best witches and wizards, Harry. And you are not alone. Remember that. We are there."

"Mom is writing to Dumbledore to ask whether we can visit you," Ron said.

"I can't believe Hogwarts does not have a NEWT graduation ceremony. Muggle universities have graduation ceremonies. I mean, at least I'd see you again. And I'd know when."

"We _will_ see each other again, mate," Ron said. Just then, Hedwig settled down on Harry's shoulder, a small packet tied to her foot. Harry removed it and tore open the paper. Three mirrors fell out. A note was attached to one of them.

"'Dear Harry, this set of three-way mirrors will enable you to communicate with Miss Granger and Mr Weasley. They are protected with powerful spells should they fall into the wrong hands. Keep them safely.'"

Hermione smiled.

"He sees into hearts. Voldemort cannot see into his own heart because he does not have one," she said, holding one of the mirrors to the light. Ron and Harry picked up the other two.

"If he can see into hearts, I wonder if he knows about the hots you've got for Snape," Ron said. Hermione rolled her eyes.

"I think I'll make a move as soon as I know my marks," Harry said absent-mindedly. Ron blinked.

"Blimey," he said weakly.

"Harry, do be prudent," Hermione said rather bossily.

"Forget about that, we're _Gryffindors_," Ron observed wisely.

--

A few days later, the castle was empty. It made Harry realise just how vast the castle was. Dumbledore generously gave him a set of cosy rooms on the fifth floor. Harry moved his stuff into his new quarters with the help of an enthusiastic Dobby and fixed the password with the portrait that guarded his door – a painting of very stern-looking witch wearing a powdered wig and elaborately embroidered robes.

Harry visited Hagrid and Fang and went out for broomstick rides to avoid stagnating within the castle walls. Remus had left Hogwarts along with the students. Harry noticed that Marius displayed signs of uncommon eagerness for owl post at breakfast.

He spoke to Hermione and Ron in his mirror, revelling in the sight of their two faces surrounded by the silver frame of the mirror. Ron jokingly kept on asking for updates about Severus. The Potions Master was his usual dour self and had scrapped all Sudoku competitions for the sake of correcting the enormous stack of exams. And then, after three long weeks, the NEWT marks arrived. Harry received his letter at breakfast. Dumbledore had insisted that he join the staff table – it seemed ridiculous that Harry occupy a lone seat at the empty Gryffindor table, away from all human contact. He glanced at Dumbledore, his throat dry with nervousness. Dumbledore was absorbed in his conversation with McGonagall. Severus, however, raised his head and stared straight at Harry. The seating arrangements had been modified in such a manner that teacher and student sat facing each other. Harry was sure that Dumbledore had done this on purpose. The Headmaster had given him a tiny wink when Harry had joined the staff table for the very first time. Mealtimes made Harry's pulse race. Whenever those black eyes met his green ones, Harry would think of Hyacinthus and Apollo lying crushed together in the grass. And he would think of Severus and himself lying together on the floor after that duel.

"Opening your letter is the only logical direction to take," Severus said sarcastically, sprinkling some pepper on his fried egg. Some of the teachers were glancing at him. Harry moistened his lips. His future lay in the letter he was holding…and in those deep black eyes which were still watching him.

--


	39. Chapter 39

**CHAPTER 39**

"I'll open it later," Harry said, stuffing the letter away in his jeans pocket.

"What happened to that Gryffindor bravery?" Severus asked, his voice a smug purr.

"I will not rise to your bait," Harry said, one corner of his mouth lifting in a half-grin.

Severus folded his hands on the table.

"I challenge you to open the letter hic et nunc, Potter," he said.

"What happened to 'Harry'?"

"I waxed appallingly sentimental over your gift."

Harry grinned fully.

"I see," he said, pulling out the letter and opening it. He took a deep breath and extracted his sheet of marks. His green eyes scanned his marks anxiously. All the marks were E's – 'Exceeds Expectations' – with one exception; Defense Against the Dark Arts, sported an O for 'Outstanding'. The marks were very good, but Harry looked ruefully at Severus.

"Looks like you'll have to stick with addressing me as 'Potter'," he said, "I did tell you that I am not blessed with Hermione's skill and brains, though. You were warned."

"Indeed," Severus said. Harry looked at his diploma again. It was beautiful, the heavyweight parchment embossed with the colourful crest and name of Hogwarts; the subjects and marks were written in a flowing cursive script. Dumbledore's flourishing signature was at the bottom of the parchment. It seemed to twinkle up at him like its owner's blue eyes.

"I'm happy with my marks just the same," Harry said, and it was true. He was very pleased and carefully tucked the sheet back into its envelope. McGonagall gave him an approving nod.

"Well done, Mr Potter," she said.

"Thank you, Professor," he answered. Dumbledore turned his head and winked at him. Dinner ended with the teachers congratulating Harry by raising their goblets to him, much to the youth's simultaneous embarrassment and pleasure.

After dinner, Harry headed towards his quarters, eager to spill the news to Ron and Hermione via his mirror. They, too, had done well on their exams – Hermione, of course, had done more than well. She had managed, as Ron told Harry proudly, to get an 'Outstanding' in every subject, something she was rather embarrassed about.

--

It was three o'clock in the morning. Harry stepped out of the bathroom, towelling his hair. A rather interesting and interactive dream of Severus had woken him up at this unearthly hour. Harry changed his underwear and pulled on his pyjama pants and t-shirt again. He tossed and turned in bed for the rest of the night, thinking of Severus all the time.

The next day, Harry received a note from Dumbledore; Harry was to Floo to Grimmauld Place that same evening via Severus's office, and he would be spending the night over there. He was to be inducted into the Order. At last. Harry assumed that Severus's Floo had been specially prepared for this trip and was shielded with spells, which was why he could not use his own Floo fireplace, except for inter-office visits. He had not dared exploit this frankly enticing feature to pay Severus an unannounced visit. He also suspected that Severus had wards placed on his Floo facilities. Nasty wards. He grinned ruefully at his reflection in the bathroom mirror when he discovered himself applying a little wax to the tips of his hair. Both Ron and Hermione had told him that a spiky hairstyle suited him very well.

"Gorgeous, dear," his mirror said.

"Thanks," Harry said, flipping his fringe out of his eyes. He turned towards the door, throwing a wizard's cloak over one arm. He was quite sure he heard his mirror say something about a "succulent behind" as he walked back into his bedroom to slide a belt into the loops of his new jeans. He made it down to the dungeons on time after locking Peeves into a suit of armour with a useful spell Remus had taught him. He felt a pang when he thought of his quarrel with Remus. If Remus and Marius were sexually interested in each other, well, then it was none of his business.

Severus was waiting for him, reading a book on some obscure topic or the other, his long legs crossed at the ankles.

"Ah, see who has come to grace me with his presence," was the usual sarcastic greeting.

"Ah, see whom I am gracing with my presence," Harry rejoined. Severus rose.

"Well, then, Potter-"

"And I was so hoping that you would drop 'Potter'…"

"You hope in vain. Let us proceed."

The men drew on their cloaks, and Severus flung some glittering Floo powder into the fireplace.

"After you," Severus said. Harry, who hated travelling by Floo, stepped forward, making sure to enunciate his words clearly. On stumbling out on the other end, he was greeted by none other than Hermione and Ron. They hugged, congratulating each other on passing the exams.

"The three of us are going to be inducted into the Order _together_!" Hermione announced.

"Isn't it cool, mate?" Ron said in an awed voice.

"Is there going to be some kind of ceremony or something?"

"No, it's very straightforward. We'll all have to sign a magical contract in the witness of Professor Dumbledore and the six other leading Order members. Remus will tell you more."

"Harry," a familiar voice spoke.

"Remus!" Harry moved towards the tired-looking wizard. "Listen, I'm sorry about-"

"It's okay, Harry," Remus said kindly, patting Harry's shoulder. The fireplace disgorged Severus, who, unlike Harry, accomplished the feat of entering the room with majestic grace.

"Your cheek is smudged, Potter," Severus said, ignoring the presence of the other three.

"Right one or left one?" Harry asked.

"Left one."

Harry wiped at it with the back of his hand and removed his cloak.

"We will have dinner first, then we'll proceed to the induction."

Severus grumbled something about absurd niceties and boring customs as he swept up the staircase. Harry smiled.

"How are you?" he asked Remus while Hermione and Ron went inside to lay the table.

"I am fine." There was a small pause. "I think you should know that I am seeing Marius Rivers."

Harry shrugged.

"Sure. I mean…it's none of my concern, as you told me before. I…I hope everything works out. I really do. I hope you'll be happy."

"Thank you, Harry."

Harry went to join Hermione and Ron in the kitchen.

"What's wrong, Harry" Ron asked immediately when he saw Harry's face.

"Remus is dating that asshole Rivers," Harry spat, banging a pan into the sink, "but it's none of my business, so if Remus ends up getting hurt, then it's his call. Remus said so himself."

Hermione was silent for a few moments.

"You know, he may be thinking the same thing about you and Snape, even if he seemed encouraging and didn't say anything negative," she said finally.

"Snape and I are not dating," Harry said. Ron made a retching sound into one of the pans.

"Knowing Rivers, he and Remus are probably already fucking each other," Harry muttered.

"Harry, do calm down, will you?" Hermione said bossily. The door opened, and Severus, divested of his cloak, swept inside. There was a clang as Harry dropped a fork. Ignoring the teenagers, Severus rummaged around in a cupboard and took out a glass. He filled it with water and left the trio. Harry bent and picked up the fork. Ron looked down at him, shaking his head mournfully.

"You've got it bad for him, mate. Really bad."

"Shut up," Harry growled. Hermione brushed her knuckles across lips, trying to hide a smile.

--

"We are Order members…Order members…Order members…" Ron was singing like a stuck record, looking at his framed Order contract. The ceremony had been very brief and rather formal with the seven heads of the Order, including Severus Snape, Remus Lupin and Minerva McGonagall. Hermione had carefully put hers away in her bag. Harry was sitting at the foot of Ron's bed.

"And you, mate, you're so lucky, you get to share a room with Sna-a-a-a-ape…"

"I am sure Dumbledore did that on purpose," Hermione said knowingly.

"You don't think he knows that I…er…like him?" Harry said.

"Of course he does," Hermione answered briskly.

"Careful, mate, you might end up sharing a bed with him tonight," Ron said.

"I wish," Harry said sombrely. They all burst out into roaring laughter.

"Right, Harry, out with you," Hermione said.

"Good night, guys."

"Good night, and good fuck," Ron added.

"Oy!" Harry exclaimed, hands on his hips.

"Ron! You are so crude sometimes!" Hermione stated frostily, bending over to take out her pyjamas. Ron hastily stuffed something into Harry's hand.

"Just in case," he whispered earnestly. He pushed Harry out of the room. Puzzled, Harry stared at his palm, then snorted. It was a small square packet containing a-

"As if I'm _ever_ going to need this," he commented, shoving the condom into his pocket. He tried not to think whether Hermione and Ron had already-

"No, no, no, don't ever think of your friends in _that_ way!" he told himself. The room he was supposed to share with Severus was empty; only the cloak neatly folded in the wardrobe indicated that he had a roommate. Harry chucked the condom carelessly onto one of the beds. The door opened, and Severus stepped inside.

"Ah yes, I have the inordinate pleasure of actually sleeping with you tonight," he said dryly. Harry went so red at the shameful way his mind decided to interpret Severus's words that he was forced to bend over and pretend to rummage around in his bag.

"Erm, ah, yes, hope you don't mind, Professor."

"I hope you don't snore."

"I don't!" Harry said indignantly.

"If you do, I will use a Banishing Charm on you. And what is this on my bed?"

Harry swivelled around.

"Oh, that's your bed? I mean you've already decided-"

"I always sleep in this room and in this bed whenever I am forced to stay overnight," Severus said coldly, his black eyes studying the small square packet. Harry wanted to die. Preferably by means of a swift and painless Avada Kedavra.

"Ro- I mean, a friend gave me that for a joke. I've got no use for it at all," Harry said.

"I suppose Mr Weasley interpreted our sleeping arrangements in a manner characteristic to his level of thinking."

"Please don't insult my friend," Harry said stiffly.

"Don't worry…Harry…" Severus came very close to the young man, his nose nearly touching Harry's, "I have not the slightest intention or desire to…fuck…you."

Harry had never thought such a vulgar word could sound so seductive coming from Severus. Or that it could hurt him so much in combination with the other words which had just left those mocking lips.

"That's fine, then," Harry said tersely. "Want to play Sudoku?"

"No."

"Right, I'll go for a shower." He grabbed his pyjamas; then, on second thought, he let the top fall back into his bag, together with his wand and spectacles.

Half an hour later, he returned, his hair moist and mussed. He was topless. He hoped Severus had not left their room. He was fortunate. Severus looked up from his book when Harry opened the door. His eyes wandered over Harry's figure.

"Interesting outfit, Potter," he commented.

"Forgot my top."

Harry fought down his nervousness as he added:

"Are you _really _sure you don't want to fuck me?"

There was a thud as Severus's book went sliding onto the ground. Severus was on his feet, breathing heavily. Harry remained where he was. His palms were sweaty.

--


	40. Chapter 40

**CHAPTER 40**

A/N: I have added (some time ago, actually, but I forgot to mention it) a feed to my Snarry blog (cf. my profile page) so you can subscribe to it. If you choose to subscribe via "Atom" and you get a weird page with html code and a yellow bar at the top of the page saying, "This is an Atom formatted XML site feed", just click on the back button of your browser and click on "Atom" again – it will work the second time. I have also changed the blog layout. On with the story…:-D

--

Harry and Severus stared at each other, eyes locked in smouldering stare. Severus looked furious.

"How dare you…! You disrespectful-"

"And when you said that you did not have the slightest intention or desire to…what was the word? Ah yes, 'fuck' me…was that very respectful, too?" Harry pointed out in a hard voice.

Severus glowered at him, but his shoulders sagged a little and Harry knew that his argument had struck home like a well-aimed arrow. The man was silent for a few moments.

"You are in the right," he growled finally, sounding extremely reluctant to admit that Harry had a point. Harry nodded and moved towards his bag, fishing out his pyjama t-shirt. He pulled it over his head. He could fairly _feel_ Severus's penetrating eyes flitting over his upper body. Harry smoothed the t-shirt and ran his fingers through his hair.

"What are you doing that for?" Severus asked abruptly.

"Doing what for, Professor?" Harry asked.

"Running your hand through your hair. That mop of yours is messy enough, as it is."

Harry smiled and sat down on his bed.

"Habit. My aunt was always trying to flatten it out, and I soon began to do it myself…even though it was and is never of any use."

Severus silently told himself that he found the unconscious gesture very charming – all the more so because it was not in the least associated with vanity or conceitedness. James Potter, on the other hand, had always mussed up his hair to impress the girls. Severus sat down on his bed, too, and picked up his book from the floor. He set it aside.

"In that case, I will enjoy a shower myself," he announced.

"Okay."

Severus removed a small satchel from underneath his bed and strode out of the room; he turned on the threshold.

"Page two hundred and twenty-two has a charming story of Zeus and Ganymede, if you are interested."

He shut the door behind him before Harry could reply. Harry got up and took Severus's book, his cheeks glowing with warmth. Severus had just invited him to read his, Severus's, book. Harry smiled. He installed himself on his bed, cross-legged, and carefully turned the pages until he reached page two hundred and twenty-two. It was quick to read, and Harry soon closed the book with another smile. Severus returned wearing a dark-green housecoat, his black hair moist. He smelt of soap, toothpaste and fresh clothes.

"I've just finished reading the story about Zeus and Ganymede," Harry said quietly.

Severus looked at one of the shelves in the wardrobe. Harry had put out his clothes for the next day. Severus had never shared a cupboard before with anyone. Even back at the Potions School with Marius and with two students occupying one room, each occupant had had his or her own wardrobe. Severus's chest seemed oddly tight as he pushed his bag inside the wardrobe and hung up a robe for the morning next to the shelf bearing Harry's blue jeans – did the young man know how delicious he looked in those jeans? – and crisp white shirt. Severus had a vision of Harry buttoning up his shirt and of himself approaching Harry and undoing all the buttons and pushing the shirt off those slight shoulders and kissing that chest and tasting those nipples and-

"It has parallels to the story of Hyacinthus and Zeus. The gods as a tutors and lovers, the youths as learners and beloveds…" There was something in Harry's voice which made Severus turn around slowly and look into the green eyes. Harry rose equally slowly and came close, very close, too close to Severus.

"When are you going to kiss me, sir?" he asked, shocked at his own temerity.

With a muffled oath, Severus suddenly crushed Harry against his body, their hips grinding, pressing his lips against Harry's in a feverish frenzied kiss. Harry stumbled backwards with surprise; but he recovered his balance and wrapped his arms firmly around Severus's neck, kissing him back. Severus tore his mouth away from Harry's.

"Is this what you want, Harry? Am I really what you want?"

"Yes. And don't shove a string of insane and inane arguments into my face," Harry said breathlessly. He rubbed his groin against Severus's.

"And I refuse to be called 'Professor' or 'sir', seeing that you are no longer officially my student," Severus bit out huskily. Harry tried to capture another sizzling kiss, but Severus placed a commanding finger on his lips.

"Why do you want me?" he asked suspiciously. "You are aware, for appallingly obvious reasons, that an intimate relationship with me is considered something to be avoided rather than pursued by the majority of sensible people, including myself."

"Since when are you sensible?" Harry asked, his mouth quirking. Severus narrowed his eyes and thrust his hips against Harry's.

"Oh…! I…uh…want…you…ahhh!…because…" Harry arched his neck with pleasure as Severus inserted his knee between Harry's thighs.

"Yes?" Severus prompted.

"Do you…oh Merlin…! really…mhhhh…want to know?" Harry gasped out, managing to tease Severus even while he was being teased himself.

"I want to know _this instant_!" Severus's voice was hoarse; he was breathing fast, taking pleasure in giving Harry pleasure.

"Because…mmmhhhh…I'm in love with you…!"

Severus went rigid. Harry, trembling all over with desire, his erection hard and heavy as a rock, steadied himself by clutching at Severus's neck.

"Look into my eyes," he whispered, sensing Severus's incredulity.

Severus obeyed, and there was a rush of feelings of images as a magical channel opened between them, Harry forcing to keep his Occlumentic shields, which immediately tried to spring up from habit, at bay. Severus quivered as the tumultuous sensations seeped into every cell of his body. He saw an image of Harry playing Sudoku with him…Harry writing in his diary about his feelings for Severus…Harry – oh, that just couldn't be! – telling his sidekicks Ron and Hermione how he felt…Harry dreaming about Severus undressing him and kissing his neck…Severus smiling…Severus laughing…Severus…happy…

The channel closed as Severus, giddy with the rush of Harry's love and memories, withdrew. He was aroused. He could not remember being more aroused than now. His hand slid into Harry's pyjama pants and into his underwear.

"Again," he rasped, "again, please. Show me again."

Harry moaned as Severus fondled his burning sex. With as much control as he could muster in such a situation, he stared into the passionate black eyes and reopened the channel. Severus plunged into those emotions and scenes again. He wanted to drown in them; but they were so solid, so convinced, so certain that they seemed to bear him away instead of submerging him, bear away from the bleak web of his past…A sharp cry roused him and made the channel close again. Harry was shivering and writhing in his arms, and warm liquid was flowing into Severus's caressing hand. Severus bowed his head and pressed another searing kiss against Harry's parted lips. Harry bucked once more in his embrace before going limp in Severus's supporting arms.

"Harry," Severus whispered. He raised his hand and stared at the liquid clinging to his fingers and palm. He wanted to taste it, lick it, but he also wanted both of them to take a blood test if they were to continue indulging in sexual relations. He was sure that Harry had never had such intimate contact with anyone before; still, it was better to be on the safe side. He reluctantly cleaned his hand with a non-verbal spell. Harry's flushed face was lovely.

"You…love…me," Severus said haltingly, still hardly believing that it could be true.

"Yes," Harry whispered, "and remember – no arguments…unless you don't feel something similar for me."

"My impossible Hyacinthus, why else would I be in the process of debauching you?"

Harry looked into the dark eyes. Maybe Severus would tell him explicitly that he loved him one day. Maybe he would never do so. For the timebeing, the sarcastic sentence would do wonderfully well for a love confession.

"Accept my apologies, my impossible Apollo."

Severus snorted.

"Apollo? I am the last person-"

Harry swallowed the rest of Severus's sentence as he kissed him. Severus struggled to regain his composure. He pushed Harry away gently.

"There are many things you do not know about me, Harry."

"Then please give me a chance to learn about you, Severus."

Severus's ears actually tingled at the sound of his name rolling off Harry's tongue.

"How will people react to our relationship, Harry? It may well become a political issue, the Ministry of Magic might interfere."

"I will only tell those closest to me – Ron and Hermione. And Remus."

"Lupin?"

"Well, he's like my second godfather…Somehow I always think of Sirius in connection with Remus and vice versa."

Severus snorted.

"I am not surprised. Lupin fancied Black."

"He loved him."

"Lupin and Rivers are consoling each other."

Harry shrugged slightly.

"I guess that's their business."

"Yes, that is true."

They studied each other.

"Now what, Severus?" Harry asked softly, leaning his head trustingly against Severus's neck for a few moments.

"You have made a choice which oscillates between folly and bravery by allowing yourself to…love me. You are a Gryffindor, after all."

Harry sighed.

"Severus, this is not about House qualities. I simply know that I am choosing happiness. Are you happy?"

Severus's head was starting to ache. He could not get used to the idea of being the recipient of love and happiness. He had fucked many men before, and he had been in a relationship with Marius who had simply pitied him and handled him like a toy. He had never been in a mutually loving relationship. Severus cupped Harry's cheek.

"Yes, I am…happy. You are old enough to make your own mistakes," he remarked, pronouncing "happy" like he had pronounced "love": as if it were a foreign term.

"You are _not_ a mistake!" Harry said indignantly, "and it's high time I showed you that. Like this."

He kissed Severus lingeringly on the mouth.

"You were not quite honest when you told me that you did not have the slightest intention or desire to, uhm, fuck me," he murmured, playing with Severus's collar.

"Fucking is loveless. I have fucked prostitutes. I have fucked men I don't know. I fucked Rivers recently although I do not care for him in the least. That is fucking," Severus explained harshly. "I told you that there are things you do not know about me, Harry. Well, are you not disgusted?"

"No, Severus. You are being very honest with me. You're telling me that you fucked people you didn't care about..."

"Obviously, I do not feel indifferently or negatively towards you," Severus said impassively, again skirting the edge of a love confession. Harry flushed at the realisation.

"You may want to clean up," Severus added, nodding at Harry's lower stomach. The youth blushed harder.

"Uh, yeah, good idea."

He used a Vanishing Charm on himself and winced at the unpleasant pinching resulting from unexpectedly dehydrated skin, rather like sticking plaster being pulled off carelessly.

"So…are we a couple, Severus?"

"We are lovers, yes."

His eyes did not miss the tautening of Harry's face.

"You do not care for the word 'lovers'?" he asked shrewdly.

"It's a contradictory word. It's got the word 'love' in it, but it seems to be far more sexual than emotional. I mean, you can be lovers without love," Harry observed critically.

"An astute observation."

"What about…" Harry searched Severus's face shyly, "…beloveds? Or is it too maudlin for you?"

Severus reflected for a few moments.

"It will do in private," he replied at last, a smile playing around his lips.

"By the way…I had no idea that mental magic can be so sexy."

"I have taken great care to retain the memory of your reaction to the combination of sexual stimulation and Legilimency," Severus whispered into Harry's ear, making the youth shiver.

Harry laughed.

"I simply love your verbal skills," he said, crawling into bed. "Want to join me?"

Severus mouth curved into a smile.

"Why not? You came in my hand, after all," he said, climbing into the bed next to Harry. An Expansion Charm later, and they were lying together comfortably in their enlarged bed.

"Don't snore," Severus said succinctly as Harry turned off the light.

"Good night to you, too, Severus," Harry smiled, sliding his warm fingers into Severus's searching hand; and Severus only realised what his hand was doing when Harry gripped it.

--


	41. Chapter 41

**CHAPTER 41**

A/N: The slash scene in this chapter is heavily based on a drawing by Aislin Avalbane – I asked her to draw a picture of Harry and Severus sharing ice cream in bed °g°…The result was/is breathtaking…;-D You will find the link to Aislin's drawing on my profile page (last entry), and you will also find a link to more information on the two Greek legends "used" in this story. Thanks a million for your reviews and enthusiasm, and thank you, Aislin, for your great picture! Right. This is a "sugary lemon" chapter ;-)

--

Harry was in the hospital wing, waiting for Madam Pomfrey to conduct a blood test on both him and Severus. "I've never been intimate with anyone. I've kissed before, and that's it," Harry had said.

"I still want to be on the safe side," Severus had stated firmly, "it is only too easy to think that magic can keep all diseases at bay, or that condoms are not needed; and even if both partners are healthy, condoms are essential for hygienic reasons. There is only so much magic can do. Protection spells can cause discomfort if they are too strong and are obviously useless if they are too weak. They are simply too tricky to fine-tune and not worth the risk."

Wizarding condoms looked like Muggle ones – but they came with spells and intriguing features such as changing textures ("to increase stimulation," Severus explained blandly), flashing colours ("A useless feature…considering that condoms are usually _inside_ an orifice.") and an Unbreakable Charm ("I wouldn't rely too much on that!"), among other things. Harry also discovered animated leaflets in the box.

"Wicked," he commented, reading the instructions avidly while Severus's mouth twitched with suppressed mirth, "and the wizard is particularly well endowed."

Madam Pomfrey emerged with her equipment; the procedure was over in half a minute and the results were ready in three minutes.

"Everything is fine," she said.

Severus had told the matron, in his usual abrupt manner, that Harry and he were romantically and sexually involved.

"This information is naturally highly confidential," Severus had added, "only the Hogwarts staff may know about our relationship."

"Oh, I quite understand," Madam Pomfrey had said, "and I wish you and Harry much happiness."

She had looked both astonished and pleased. She had often doctored Severus during his time as a Hogwarts student and after several of his Cruciatus-punctuated meetings with Voldemort. Harry, of course, had been quite a regular patient during the past years. Madam Pomfrey smiled as she watched the two wizards leave the hospital wing. It was so good to see them happy – with each other, no less.

Albus Dumbledore was so pleased that he knocked his teacup onto the floor and swooped down upon Severus, enfolding the embarrassed man in a hug.

"Congratulations, my dear boy! Harry, do stop loitering coyly in the corner and come over here, will you?"

Harry detached himself from Dumbledore's office wall with a grin and joined in the hug.

"Ah," Dumbledore exclaimed, releasing them and dabbing at his eyes, "I am delighted for you, Severus and Harry."

Behind him, Fawkes burst into song and promptly shed two magnificent feathers. Dumbledore went over to the perch and picked up the feathers.

"They will make excellent quills," he said, handing one to Harry and the other to Severus. The phoenix spread his wings and settled on Severus's shoulder. The Potions Master stroked Fawkes with the tenderness which lurked underneath his protective armour of thorns and brambles, as Harry knew very well by now. Fawkes sat on Harry's shoulder as well, rubbing his head against Harry's cheek before returning to his perch and pecking hungrily at pumpkin seeds. Dumbledore blew his nose, accompanied by several of the portraits on the walls. One of them blew his nose with a sound like a foghorn. Phineas Black, however, yawned loudly and pointedly and left his portrait to skulk around in Grimmauld Place.

--

On the evening before Harry's birthday, Severus asked Harry over to dinner. Their relationship was rather formal in some aspects. Severus, who was a born planner, detested spontaneous visits and insisted on dividing their time into slots and was reticent about spending another night with Harry.

"Let us wait until you are of age in the Muggle world as well – you still have to turn eighteen."

"Severus, we can spend the night just lying next to each other, like at Grimmauld Place," Harry pointed out sensibly, but Severus was adamant. Not wanting to insist and spark the man's quick temper, Harry conceded quietly. He dressed with care, choosing a set of dark-green robes to match his eyes. He wore a pair of new Muggle jeans underneath them. He walked down to the dungeons and, for the very first time, stood in front of the door of Severus's private rooms. He did not have to knock; the air around him seemed to quiver, and the door opened. Wards, Harry thought, and he has set them to recognise and admit me. He flushed with pleasure and stepped inside Severus's hall, which strongly resembled the Hogwarts library because of all the bookshelves. The colour scheme was tastefully muted, and the whole place was well lit.

"Good evening, Harry. I trust that my personal quarters meet with your approval," Severus's dry tones greeted him; the man was sitting on the sofa, reading a book. He was not the type to greet visitors by opening the door for them and leading them to the most comfortable piece of furniture, all the while pouring out an insipid stream of fatiguing small talk.

"I like your rooms very much," Harry said, approaching Severus. The Head of Slytherin rose and wrapped an arm around Harry's waist.

"Sometimes I wish I were as tall as you," Harry remarked.

"You were meant to be built like an elf or a sylph, although your height would have increased if your diet had been less restricted during your childhood. I am relieved to see that you have put on some weight over the years."

He kissed Harry, and Harry felt every hair on his body stand on end.

"Dinner is ready," Severus breathed into his ear.

"So am I," Harry answered, smiling.

--

Severus's dark eyes followed Harry's careful movements with interest. The young man was being very conscientious about his table manners – no elbows on the table, no fidgeting, no speaking with a full mouth, as was so often the case at the House tables during mealtimes.

When dessert arrived, a wide grin spread over Harry's face.

"Strawberry ice cream – you demolished it at Grimmauld Place with quite a vengeance," Severus said impassively. Harry smiled.

"Thank you, Severus," he said, "but why aren't you having any dessert?"

"I am a light eater; you are still a growing individual with a healthy appetite. My frankly meagre appetite is too entrenched in my metabolism to suffer any major upheavals of diet."

Harry smiled again, this time at Severus's lofty sentences, and rose from his chair, picking up his bowl of ice cream.

"If you will excuse me," he murmured politely, walking towards Severus and planting himself on his lap.

"Mr Potter, what exactly are you doing?"

"Sharing my ice cream experience with you," Harry said, dipping the spoon into the bowl and nudging Severus's lips with it. Severus raised an eyebrow.

"Ice cream, you scream," Harry chuckled.

"Mischievous creature, I assure you that I do not scream easily," he commented; Harry took the opportunity to press the spoon between Severus's parted lips. Severus rolled his eyes and ingested the portion of strawberry ice cream, rather enjoying being fed by Harry. Harry shifted on Severus's lap to make himself more comfortable. This action resulted in a very conspicuous side effect on Severus's part; said side effect was further enhanced by Harry placing a blob of ice cream on Severus's cheek and licking it off.

"Harry Potter!" Severus growled, yielding to a moan as Harry started to kiss his neck assiduously. His hands stole down to Severus's lap. Severus got up in a flash and seized Harry's hand. Harry clung to the bowl and spoon as he was nearly dragged to Severus's bedroom. They undressed each other between repeated applications of strawberry ice cream.

"Nice…lamp…" Harry gasped when he noticed the stylish dragon-claw lamp on Severus's bedside table, "and…nice bed…"

"Have you finished complimenting my furniture?" Severus said hoarsely, pushing Harry onto his bed. Maybe that standard Extension Charm which had come along with the bed would be useful after all…

Harry laughed, trying to nibble at Severus's earlobe. They lay down in bed, and Harry, with a quick Quidditch-agile motion, slid on top of Severus, still clinging valiantly to the dessert bowl.

"Will you put that accursed thing down?" Severus hissed. Harry, completely naked by now, obligingly set it on the edge of the bed and peeled down Severus's underwear. Then he scrambled on top of an equally naked Severus Snape, spreading ice cream all over the lean body. His tongue and hands travelled over Severus's skin methodically. Severus was steadily losing control; stifled sounds issued from the back of his throat, and his toes and fingers curled. He opened his eyes when Harry stopped caressing him and watched the youth warm up a portion of ice cream in his hands and blow upon it with his breath.

"What…are…you…doing?" he asked huskily, starting to sit up, but Harry smiled at him.

"Lie down and you'll see. Or rather, you'll feel it."

Severus complied; the next second, his breath burst out in a harsh gasp when Harry smeared his erection with the ice cream and lapped it off with his eager tongue. Harry could hardly believe he was pleasuring Severus so intimately at such an early stage of their relationship; but then, he had confessed his love to Severus in the middle of being thoroughly pleasured himself.

Harry scrambled upwards and dribbled strawberry ice cream on Severus's chest and licked it up slowly, sweetly, sexily, his hand shifting to where his mouth had been only seconds ago. Severus's head snapped back into the pillow and his hips arched off the bed as his body exploded. He dug his fingers into Harry's hair while his other hand clutched frantically at the bedclothes. Harry pressed a strawberry-flavoured kiss against Severus's open mouth, their tongues meeting in an ice-cream-coated clinch. Severus lay panting on the bed, his eyelids half closed, a glimmer of jet shining through his long eyelashes. Harry bent over him and kissed his forehead. Severus suddenly seized Harry in his arms and rolled him over onto his back.

"It is most unwise to waste good food," he panted, managing to sound lofty even in his dishevelled and sticky state. It was not long until Harry, too, was covered with ice cream and trashing with ecstasy. Afterwards, they lay together with their arms wrapped around each other until they heard the grandfather clock chime midnight in Severus's hall. Severus cupped Harry's face in one hand.

"Happy birthday, Harry," he said somewhat gruffly. He was not used to extending birthday wishes to people, the notable exception being Dumbledore, whom he regarded as the father and friend he had never had.

The green eyes beamed at him.

"Thank you, Severus. I have never had such a wonderful birthday start."

Severus bent and lapped at a small blob of strawberry ice cream clinging to Harry's clavicle.

"Mmmh, I simply love strawberry ice cream," Harry said cheekily.

Severus snorted; and from that moment onwards, one of his pet names for Harry was "Strawberry".

--


	42. Chapter 42

**CHAPTER 42**

A/N: I'm so sorry about the long delay! University has just started, and although I am attending only very few courses, I am bogged down with translation assignments and research/preparation for my PhD thesis °has got square eyes from being glued to the screen° Thanks a million for being so patient! :-D

--

Two slender figures were walking across the Hogwarts lawns. Their pace was unhurried. Their dark heads were close together as they conversed.

"He tried to use physical duelling in your fourth year. This time, he will probably challenge you to a battle of mental magic when he finds out that you are adept in the art," Severus was saying to Harry. It was a cool September night. Harry tucked his cloak more closely around him and nodded at Severus's words. There was a small silence between them before Severus asked:

"How is your rectal health?"

Harry laughed.

"Sev, that sounds so clinical!"

"In that case, allow me to rephrase my question in a more…poetic manner. How is the interior of your posterior?" Severus drawled. He had, naturally, objected to being called "Sev" – but both Harry and he knew that he was actually very happy about it.

Harry leant against a tree, laughing helplessly.

"That sounds like a furniture shop or something!"

Severus raised an eyebrow.

"This is the last time I shall modify my sentence to suit your fastidious Gryffindor standards. How is your ass?"

Harry nearly choked, resisted the temptation to answer, "It's braying" and said:

"Perfect, especially after your camomile salve."

They looked at each other, and the look turned into a gaze which silently but most effectively voiced passionate floods of intimacy between them – an intimacy which had been taken to the next level only the night before. Harry leant in and kissed Severus for a long moment; then they turned back and walked back to the castle. The light from the entrance caressed a band of Goblin-forged white gold around Harry's wrist– Severus's gift on the occasion of Harry's eighteenth birthday.

"I hope that it is to your taste," Severus had said somewhat stiffly, awkwardly holding out a box to Harry. Harry had had tears in his eyes on seeing the bracelet, timelessly exquisite in its simple elegance. He only removed it when he had a bath. He just about lived with Severus now. It had been Severus's suggestion – with the true reason veiled, naturally.

"May I propose, for reasons of practicality, that you cease this absurd scampering between two locations and decide on one – preferably mine, seeing that your quarters most deplorably lacks Potions equipment? I have adjusted remarkably well to your appalling presence."

"Appalling? I think you mean appealing," Harry had remarked slyly, quickly stepping out of hex range with a duel move Severus had taught him. It was Severus's way of asking him to move in with him, and Harry appreciated it, discerning the true reason behind the lofty words.

The two wizards went down to the dungeons, passing the picture of Apollo and Hyacinthus. Harry found it hard to suppress a grin whenever he saw it. Severus noticed, however, and glared at him, muttering something about frivolous and undereducated minds.

"Well, we've ended up in a state similar to theirs quite a few times…without the deadishness, naturally," Harry pointed out.

"Indeed, my Strawberry. You are very…animated," Severus remarked, a husky note creeping into his water-smooth voice. A drop of glowing lava seemed to spark up in Harry's chest and travel all over his body, notably groin-wards. It was strange, he thought, that he could still feel such desire when, according to Severus's latest information, Voldemort was preparing to have Severus bring Harry to him. But maybe it was _because_ of this reason that he felt such desire. Time seemed to be terribly short for him as he was inexorably pushed towards an uncertain and terrifying destination. Short and therefore precious. He wanted to use every second to be close to his friends and to Severus. They reached and entered Severus's rooms. Harry turned to Severus and wrapped his arms around him.

Severus thought of how Marius had accepted such gestures with a kind of superior smug goodwill. It was so different with Harry. He could not help comparing the relationship he had had with Marius to the one he was currently sharing with Harry. Harry made him happy, happier than he had ever been in his bleak life. And, what still astonished him: Harry was just as happy with him – as if he did not have Voldemort to deal with; he seemed to draw strength and confidence from Severus. The anguish which gnawed Severus at the thought of losing Harry to Voldemort's cruelty would keep Severus awake long after Harry had fallen asleep next to him, snuggled close to him. He even visited the Hogsmeade church, which he used to vandalise in his rages against his father and fate; in this time of doubt and anxiety, however, it seemed to be the quietest sanctuary he could find. He was not religious; whatever religion his hypocritical father had hammered into his mind had been shoved into the darkest recesses of his mind. Maybe childhood memories of being conditioned to attend church sermons had resurged due to such emotional stress and had prompted him to seek the church; or maybe it was because he had someone he loved and feared for so deeply that only the gentle yet vibrant light of a candle and the sincerity of a prayer could bring relief to his internal agony. Lighting a candle, Severus murmured stiffly:

"Please keep him safe."

Severus was not a demonstrative man. He did not pounce from behind and wrap his arms around Harry's waist like Ron and Hermione did to each other. Severus never whispered sweet nothings into Harry's ear. And he never said, "I love you" to Harry. His most tender endearment for Harry was 'Strawberry'. He therefore did not speak to Harry about his worries; and there was one bead of rather Slytherin glee which still made him smirk. Marius, it appeared, had been rebuffed by Remus. Remus had mentioned it frankly in a letter to Harry, saying that they did not "have much in common after all".

"In other words, Lupin has finally realised that Rivers tends to think with his head, but not with the one on his shoulders."

"Severus!" Harry had exclaimed, laughing. Severus wondered how long it would take until he would be asked to brew double helpings of the Wolfsbane Potion.

Remus had given Marius the boot for another reason: he was seeing the man who had shared Arthur Weasley's room at St. Mungo's and who had been bitten by a werewolf.

"Well, everything happens for a reason," Harry had said happily.

Severus pushed aside thoughts of Marius, Voldemort and brewing potions and responded to Harry's hug, kissing him intensely.

Much later, after a round of passionate lovemaking and a bath, Severus was lying in bed with Harry. He raised his hand from where it was resting on Harry's hip and placed it on the young man's forehead, as if in a gesture of blessing. Harry closed his eyes. His parted mouth seemed to beckon for a kiss. Or two. No. More than two. Severus succumbed to that sweet mouth and kissed it gently. Harry responded just as gently. Severus rolled over on his side and draped his arm around Harry, holding him close. He ran his fingers through the spiky hair. Harry smiled and reached out, taking a strand of Severus's long dark hair in both hands. He divided them into three parts and started to braid them into a plait. Severus smiled, yielding to Harry's playfulness. After a while, Harry's fingers stopped moving, and Severus looked at him. Harry was sleeping, a dark strand of Severus's hair still wrapped around his fingers. Severus carefully drew the sheets over them both and _Nox_-ed off the light. He did not undo the plaits Harry had woven into his hair until he woke up in the morning.

--


	43. Chapter 43

**CHAPTER 43**

Dumbledore looked from one pale but determined face to the other. Fawkes seemed to be the only one who was tranquil. The phoenix was sitting calmly on his perch, watching the participants benevolently with his beady eyes. A fitful October breeze flitted restlessly around the castle, stroking the windows with restless fingers. It was a cold Halloween night – the night which Voldemort had decreed as the moment when he would, for once and for all, kill Harry Potter. Severus was supposed to lure Harry away from the castle and bring him to Voldemort. The moment had finally arrived. The Order of the Phoenix had called all its members together in order to prepare for the impending battle. Harry's stomach twisted at the thought. Ron, Hermione, Lupin, Tonks…they were all Order members. Would they come out of this alive?

"I am afraid," he had told Hermione and Ron via his mirror.

"True courage is when you can admit that you are afraid," Hermione had said. Harry hoped desperately that that conversation hadn't been the last time he had seen and heard her. Ron had added, trying to lighten the atmosphere in his typical tactless and amusing way:

"Have you done the…you know…wild thing with…Snape?"

Harry had rolled his eyes.

"I'm not telling!"

While Harry stood in Dumbledore's office with Severus at his side, he wished that he could have told so many things to his friends at this very moment…

"Ready, my boys?" Dumbledore asked, the twinkle gone from his eyes.

"Ready," Harry and Severus said simultaneously. Dumbledore moved towards them and wrapped them in a warm embrace.

"You may want to propose to him after you get back, my dear boy," he whispered into Severus's ear, turning his head so that Harry couldn't hear. Severus coughed and cleared his throat. Dumbledore then turned his head so he could breathe into Harry's ear:

"Love is the key, my child. You and Severus hold it. Let it guide you."

Harry suppressed a sniff as his eyes watered. Then the wise Headmaster of Hogwarts released them. Severus and Harry left the office. Outside, Harry took Severus's hand, and they silently walked away from the castle and moved towards the edge of the grounds, passing through the Anti-Apparating wards. Severus moistened his lips and cupped Harry's cheek in one hand, looking into his green eyes. He wanted to say so many things to the youth – but all he could do was convey his feelings in an intense gaze and a kiss pressed against Harry's forehead. Harry returned the kiss, his lips warm on the frown-furrowed spot above Severus's eyebrows.

A few seconds later, the two wizards disappeared as they Apparated to the graveyard of Little Hangleton.

The Death Eaters were expecting them, masked and robed, standing like a wall behind Voldemort. Severus and Harry landed near a gravestone, a few metres away from Voldemort.

"The hero arrives," Bellatrix snickered – Harry recognised her hoarse voice from behind her mask. He thought of Sirius and firmly pressed the longing to avenge his death back into his chest.

"Yes indeed, my dear Bella," Voldemort said softly. His lipless mouth peeled back in a revolting smile.

"Your mask, my faithful Severus," he added. Severus bowed, extracted his mask and placed it on his face.

"Now…who do we have here?" he crooned at Harry, tilting his head sideways in an exaggerated pensive manner. Harry did not answer.

"Dumbstruck?"

The smallest among the Death Eaters seemed to tauten, as if feeling cold. Harry caught a flash of a silver hand. Pettigrew.

"Bat got your tongue, Potter?" Lucius Malfoy's sneering voice asked, a contemptuous nod in Severus's direction clearly indicating who the "bat" was.

"Quiet! I speak," Voldemort hissed, his snake-like eyes narrowing. Malfoy's figure seemed to hunch up with fear.

There was complete silence. Voldemort stared at the youth.

"You have grown over the past years. All to no avail. What a waste of youth," he sighed mockingly; then, catching sight of the white gold bracelet around Harry's left wrist:

"But I am touched! You have taken great efforts to deck yourself out for my benefit, haven't you? How fashionable!"

"A gift from Potter's secret lover, my Lord," Severus said silkily.

"Is that so? Maybe our dearest guest here should have the pleasure of seeing my loyal servants have their sport with her."

"My partner is not a 'her'. It is a man," Harry said, speaking for the first time since he had arrived.

"A sign of impure Muggle-contaminated blood!" Lucius Malfoy exclaimed while other Death Eaters made sounds of revulsion. Voldemort remained impassive, but his eyes gleamed.

"Finally. A reaction. I was starting to become worried, Potter. Anyway…you will just have to…adjust yourselves, my loyal servants. I must admit that I am profoundly disappointed about your disease, my dear Harry."

Harry suppressed a spark of rage and continued looking steadily at Voldemort.

Voldemort approached and stared into Harry's eyes.

"Now, who is your…lover?"

Harry drew up his Occlumentic wards as he felt the invasive thrust of Legilimency and gazed unflinchingly into the red eyes. The Death Eaters muttered softly and shifted restlessly when Harry refused to look away. There was even a tiny rat-like squeak of alarm from Pettigrew.

Voldemort sneered.

"Interesting. Who taught you Occlumency? Since when is mental magic part of Hogwarts's curriculum?"

"Potter's lover taught him on Dumbledore's orders," Severus said.

"Who is this…lover?" Voldemort hissed, flexing his fingers, "you must be knowing, Severus."

"Dumbledore made me take an Unbreakable Vow only yesterday in order to ensure Potter's lover's anonymity, my Lord."

"The old doddering fool…Alas, you are too precious to me, Severus…but why not extract answers from the hero himself!" His red eyes switched to Harry.

"The last time we duelled, Tom, we used wands. Since you are so eager for answers, I challenge you to a duel of mental magic," Harry said steadily. There were gasps. Voldemort's flexed his long fingers. His face did not need a mask; it was mask-like enough on its own. Then he made a sweeping gesture, and the Death Eaters, Severus among them, advanced, forming a circle around Harry and Voldemort.

"You foolish conceited boy," Voldemort said slowly, "how dare you utter that Muggle name which was never mine! How presumptuous to think that you can challenge _me_, the most powerful master of mental magic in the whole world, to a battle of Legilimency and Occlumency!"

"Do you accept the challenge?" Harry asked.

"My Lord, why don't you kill him on the spot-"

"Hold your tongue, Bellatrix," Voldemort snarled. "The challenge stands. I will twist your mind, Potter. I will twist it until you die a most painful death."

"Sure," Harry said coolly.

Whispers broke out among the Death Eaters.

"Let us ensure that everything is…fair," Voldemort resumed with a sneer, removing his wand and extending it towards one of the Death Eaters.

"I am humbled by this privilege, my Lord," Severus's smooth voice whispered from behind the mask.

"Hand your wand to Severus, Potter," Voldemort ordered. Harry hesitated deliberately for a moment, as if to show that he was starting to have second thoughts about the whole thing; then he briskly deposited his wand in Severus's palm. Their fingers brushed.

"Come closer, Potter," Voldemort said softly. Harry stepped forwards undauntedly, his jaw set.

"Clooooseeeeer," Voldemort purred. Harry obeyed. Only three or four steps were between him and Voldemort.

The battle began.

--


	44. Chapter 44

**CHAPTER 44**

Severus knew that his face was paler than the mask which covered his features. His black eyes gazed fathomlessly from behind the eyeholes at Voldemort and Harry. Harry's wand was warm and solid in his hand. He heard Peter Pettigrew's teeth chatter and Lucius Malfoy shift uneasily as Harry held Voldemort's scarlet stare steadily with his green eyes. He thought of the visions which had visited him before Harry had learnt to master Legilimency. There had never been enough time to test whether they could "project" visions deliberately to each other, whether there was a way to control them. The Dark Mark began to burn on his arm again; Voldemort's lips – or what passed for lips – were peeling back, revealing his teeth. Harry's hands clenched and his body tensed; he was starting breathe more quickly, to judge from the rising and falling of his chest; but he did not move, his eyes remaining fixed on Voldemort's. The Death Eaters were thoroughly unsettled; Severus heard a whisper travel from Lucius Malfoy to Bellatrix Lestrange.

"His scar as starting to bleed!"

With a spike of icy fear, Severus saw a thin trickle of blood run down Harry's forehead; and still the young wizard struggled with all his might, green eyes narrowing slightly. The air was becoming hot– the magic Voldemort and Harry were generating was affecting the temperature. Strawberry, Severus thought, his body breaking out into a cold sweat, too distressed with concern for Harry to berate himself for the irrelevance of the pet name in such a situation. His whole being was crying out to Harry now, screaming at him to continue resisting Voldemort, to not give way…

Severus suddenly found himself standing next to Harry, facing his own robed and masked self in the circle of Death Eaters. With a feeling of disbelief, he realised what he had done – he had projected himself forwards and out of his body with the exceptional skill of a wizard accomplished in mental magic – and with the strength of the weapon which Voldemort did not possess. None of the Death Eaters reacted – they could not see him. He knew that he was visible to Harry alone. Soul sympathy, he thought.

"Don't turn your head, Strawberry," he whispered to Harry. A soft gasp of surprise escaped Harry's lips. Severus stepped behind Harry and put his arms around his waist.

"Resist!" he whispered into Harry's ear; and he heard Harry answer him without moving his lips, his voice spreading in Severus's mind:

"I will, Sev."

Voldemort hissed, his eyes so red that they resembled blood-filled pits in his snake-like face. Harry raised his chin higher, defiantly maintaining his Occlumentic shields.

A wave of dizziness assaulted Severus, and he saw his physical self sway. His body was calling him back. Severus ignored the summons and stayed. A whimper broke out of Peter Pettigrew's throat. Voldemort began to walk slowly towards Harry until his nose nearly touched Harry's. Harry remained where he was, his face stained with blood from his still-leaking scar. Severus gathered all his power, sending it to Harry; he felt him absorb it and heard his breathing slow down a little; together, Harry and Severus hurled a sphere of invisible power at Voldemort; and even as another jolt of dizziness flooded Severus and his real body swayed again, Voldemort staggered back as if he had received a blow on the chest. Whispers broke out among the Death Eaters.

"My Lord," Bellatrix's hoarse voice gasped. Red droplets were trickling down Voldemort's face, as if he was sweating blood. Severus's head was spinning, and knew that he was weakening the longer he stayed out of his body.

"Harry, I am going to Summon your wand. Prepare to catch it."

"I love you, Sev."

The words infused Severus with a burst of overpowering strength; drawing on every ounce of his power, he Summoned Harry's wand and watched it leave the statuesque hand of his robed and masked body and fly towards Harry. The youth caught it, his hand flashing out. Confusion broke out among the Death Eaters.

"What-?" Lucius began to shout. Pettigrew was whimpering. Severus closed his eyes and yielded to the tug of his body. With a slam and a shudder, he was back, and only one wand, his own, was remaining in his hand. Voldemort's red eyes were wide; he had inadvertently broken eye contact with Harry when the wand had flown past him. Severus fought down a wave of nausea. It was time to give himself away.

"Silence!" Voldemort commanded, raising a skeletal hand. The Death Eaters obeyed immediately.

"Severus." Voldemort's voice was deadly quiet. "I was under the impression that you had taken that wand," he pointed a spidery finger at Harry's hand.

"Indeed, I took the wand at your bidding, my Lord," Severus answered smoothly. Harry could hear the faintest note of steel in those velveteen tones.

"And how come that wand came to leave your possession?" Voldemort asked coldly.

"Because I returned it to its rightful owner, my Lord," Severus answered, staring calmly into the scarlet eyes. The ensuing stunned silence was interrupted by a sharp crack, followed by several others. Aurors and Order members were Apparating. Harry was sure he could see Moody. The graveyard glowed white as they hurried towards the Death Eaters, wands in their hands; there was a sizzling sound, and the allies stopped abruptly. Voldemort had set up wards which only Death Eaters could pass.

"I TOLD YOU SO! I TOLD YOU, MY LORD!" Bellatrix screamed, "BUT YOU WOULDN'T LISTEN TO ME!"

Severus left the circle and walked towards Harry and took his hand. All eyes moved towards the couple's clasped hands. Both Harry and Severus gazed at Voldemort's rigid face. Voldemort looked from Severus to Harry, his gaze lingering upon their clasped hands with shock and disgust. They could hear the Aurors chanting spells as they tried to dismantle the wards.

"Why?" Voldemort spat out at last; the words seemed wrenched from him against his will, and the snake-like face contorted with a grimace of self-disgust at having uttered the question and displayed his vulnerability.

"Love, Riddle," Severus said.

"You lost, Tom," Harry observed gently, wiping the blood off his face with his arm.

"DON'T CALL ME THOSE MUDBLOOD NAMES!" Voldemort bellowed.

Bellatrix whipped out her wand and aimed a hex at Severus. He ducked, and the curse crashed into a tombstone, ripping out a chunk of stone.

"Catch and torture the traitor, but do not kill him! I will deal with him after I have dealt with the boy!" Voldemort hissed, drawing out his own wand. Severus conjured a powerful Shield Charm as the first hexes began to fly. Voldemort, however, seized Lucius by his long yellow hair and pulled his wand out of his robes.

"You will have to make do without a wand, my dear Lucius – mine does not function properly against the Potter boy's," Voldemort said, thrusting Lucius aside roughly, his elbow colliding with Lucius's nose as he did so. The blond wizard staggered away, coughing while his nose bled profusely. Out of the corner of his eye, Harry saw Bellatrix approach Severus, who was duelling Crabbe; a hex from Crabbe's wand made the shield around Severus shiver and collapse. Bellatrix was holding her wand out, and her mouth was opening to utter the same curse which had sent Sirius through the Veil and to his death. With a wild cry, Harry ran towards Severus, knowing that there was not enough time to aim a spell at Bellatrix.

"NO!" he screamed, not noticing Voldemort's eyes gleam, or his hand raise Lucius's wand, or his lips curve to utter the Killing Curse. With the agility of a carefully trained duellist, Harry seized Severus's arm and threw himself on the ground, forcing Severus to lie next to him in the grass. Two green streaks flew just above their heads – both Bellatrix and Voldemort had uttered the Killing Curse at the same time. With a deafening crash, the spells collided into the same tombstone, splitting it asunder. The other Death Eaters were crowding in. This was no wizard's duel, where it was one against one. It was many against two. Too many. The wards surrounding the graveyard flickered; the Aurors' efforts were being rewarded; but another threat was at hand: familiar hooded figures were drifting towards them. Dementors. An ominous chill pervaded the whole place. Voldemort smiled.

"Sev," Harry whispered, "Stay here. Don't move."

"Harry, what are you-"

"He has my blood. It will rebound."

"What-"

Harry kissed him quickly but passionately on the mouth and rose. Behind him, he could hear the wards give way and his allies invade the scene.

"Hold on, Harry!" Lupin's hoarse voice called out to him. And was that Ron's hair, and Hermione's bushy mane? He had no time to take another look;

Voldemort was gliding towards him, eyeing him like a cat eyeing a particularly tasty mouse. Severus staggered to his feet, his wand out, desperate to protect Harry as fiercely as he could, drained and sick as he felt.

"AVADA KEDAVRA!"

The green jet of magic hissed out of Lucius Malfoy's wand – but not in Harry's direction. It flew towards Severus.

"SEVERUS!" Harry threw himself in front of Severus, shielding him with his body, his wand stretched out.

--


	45. Chapter 45

**CHAPTER 45**

A/N: Dear all, I'm so sorry about the delay (stomach upset, work and uni)…and that this chapter is short…but I do hope that in this case, brevity is the soul of wit ;-) Thank you for being so patient :-)

---

The green jet of light flew towards Harry, who met it fearlessly with his wand – which simply absorbed the spell. A few seconds passed. Nothing happened. Voldemort's mouth opened in astonishment. Then a crackling sound followed; the wand-tip began to glow green. A ray of light sprang out of it, racing towards the sky. Another ray, a red one, leapt out in another direction. They crackled ominously like fireworks and vanished. Another pause followed before an enormous fan of light burst out of Harry's wand, enveloping Harry in sheets of blinding colours, from beautiful obsidian black, like Severus's eyes and hair, to blinding silvery-white. Severus turned his eyes away, raising his arm as the glow intensified. Harry's hand had reached out and gripped his, pulling him into the fan of light. The Death Eaters were shrieking, clutching at their forearms. Severus, however, could not feel anything. Suddenly, the whole thing rocketed from Harry's wand, as if it had been spat forth. Harry cried out as the wood became red-hot, burning his palm. He let go, and the faithful wand exploded in a shower of little holly fragments. Severus instinctively flung his arms around Harry's waist in a protective gesture and gasped as the structure of light took on the shape of a phoenix; it hurtled towards Voldemort and embraced him with lethal magical flames. Harry moaned loudly as his scar erupted with pain. Severus held him tightly, brushing back his fringe and placing his cool palm over the throbbing scar. A high scream of rage pierced the graveyard of Little Hangleton. It grew louder in volume, reaching a frenzied pitch, and then, just as quickly, faded into a sighing groan which petered away into deep silence. A pile of ashes was smouldering where Voldemort had been standing a minute ago. Severus slowly lowered his hand from Harry's forehead. Harry blinked and reached up to touch his scar, which had suddenly stopped hurting. All the Death Eaters, with the exception of Severus, were lying on the ground, their left forearms scorched. Many had fainted; those who were conscious and had witnessed the demise of their master were whimpering and cursing with pain and shock. The Aurors and Order members were standing in the graveyard; they had managed to dismantle the wards just before Voldemort had met his fiery death. They snapped out of their stupefaction and went to work quickly, binding the Death Eaters with ropes which poured out of their wand tips. Others turned to battle the Dementors, who, unimpressed by the whole scene, were still drawing nearer, attracted by the scent of turbulent emotions. Severus whipped out his wand, yelling out the Patronus charm. A huge silver lion, its untidy mane reminiscent of Harry's tousled hair, bounded towards the Dementors. Other Patronuses joined them – Harry recognised Hermione's otter and Ron's Jack Russell terrier among them with a soaring heart. He shook off the feeling of incredulity engulfing him and tore his eyes away from the ashes. He dropped to his knees and tried to gather the remains of his faithful wand, but they crumbled in his hand like charcoal. He was too absorbed to notice someone Apparate behind him.

"Harry, Severus, my dear boys," Dumbledore's warm voice spoke. Harry swivelled around. Tears gathered in his eyes.

"Headmaster…Voldemort…" He pointed at the ashes. Dumbledore smiled, and a tear rolled down his cheek and dripped into his beard. It was a smile full of pride and sorrow. His robes were singed, and he was limping a little. He gazed at the little heap.

"Tom Riddle…You, too, were a child once…" Even as he spoke, a strong breeze rushed through the graveyard, scattering the ashes. Harry, overcome with exhaustion, turned to Severus, who, exhausted himself, held the youth firmly in his aching arms.

"Harry," he breathed, suddenly becoming aware of the screams of triumph and nearly demented dances of joy in the background. The allies were starting to celebrate. Harry raised his head slowly. He caught sight of Marius Rivers dancing around with Minerva McGonagall, Remus crying into his hands, Ron and Hermione kissing madly, Bellatrix Lestrange firmly tied up with ropes…

"Hospital wing and bed," Dumbledore said, patting both Severus and Harry fondly on their cheeks, "and mere words are woefully inadequate," here his chest heaved and another tear escaped, "to tell you how proud I am of you both. Of all of you." His blue eyes travelled over the revellers before he pressed a Portkey into Severus's hand. A few seconds later, they landed on the edge of Hogwarts, a cold fresh wind blowing around their faces. They stared into each other's eyes.

"Sev…" Harry began. Severus seized him in his arms with such force that they toppled over and ended up in the grass, where they kissed each other wildly, savagely, triumphantly.

"Sev," Harry gasped, "I…Oh, Merlin, I can't believe it…And you're here…with me…Oh God, I was so scared of losing you, I was so-"

"Harry James Potter," Severus said gravely. There was a smudge of grass on his cheek and a smear of mud on his hooked nose. He still managed to look utterly dignified even in his rumpled state and horizontal position.

"Will you marry me?"

---


	46. Chapter 46

**CHAPTER 46**

Harry ran his hands over his green wedding-robes, smoothing out non-existent wrinkles. Ron settled Harry's collar, and Hermione fluffed up his fringe with a hairbrush.  
"Brilliant," Ron said, patting Harry's shoulder. He looked very proud – Harry had asked him to be his best man, and although Ron was still overwhelmed and somewhat dubious about Harry's future spouse, he had agreed enthusiastically enough. Fred and George had turned up at Hogwarts before the ceremony, armed with an enormous crate of fireworks.  
"Made for only the two of you – a unique set," they had announced.  
"Ready, mate?" Ron asked. Harry grinned widely.  
"Yeah. All set."  
Hermione glanced at her watch.  
"Twenty minutes more," she said.  
Harry and Severus had discussed about a quiet and private ceremony, with only family (i.e. the Weasleys) and close friends attending, but an overenthusiastic Dumbledore had overridden their hesitant plans, stating that the wedding would take place at Hogwarts in the presence of all the students and staff – after all, they were both considered heroes of the wizarding world. As so often, Dumbledore naturally had his way, and the couple agreed, half amused, half exasperated. Their wedding was scheduled two weeks before Christmas. It was a splendid December day when the special date arrived; a duvet of snow lay on the grounds. The wizarding world was still celebrating, but it was also mourning the lives which had been lost in the battle. On the night Voldemort had finally met his end, armies consisting of Dark Wizards and predatory creatures had attacked many places in Britain simultaneously. Dumbledore had anticipated this move, sending several allies to the key spots, such as the Ministry, Diagon Alley and Muggle villages which (unknowingly) adjoined magical communities. Aurors had fallen, others had been severely wounded, and two others were in a coma which gave even the outstanding staff of St. Mungo's little hope. No one Harry knew personally was among the victims, but it nevertheless underscored the consequences of the war and the suffering which had been endured throughout Voldemort's lifetime.

In the meantime, Severus was glaring at himself in the mirror critically while Dumbledore hovered at his elbow.  
"Child, you look splendid, and you know it," he murmured soothingly.  
"You are flattering me, and you know it," was the terse answer. Dumbledore smiled in his beard.  
"I should have worn black," Severus grumbled.  
"Severus dear, dove grey suits you wonderfully, although plum violet would not have been a bad choice, either."  
"Plum violet? Merlin, Albus!" Severus spluttered, checking his collar with narrowed eyes before running a long-fingered hand through his hair.  
"I had better tie my hair-"  
"You will do nothing of the sort. It is fashionable to wear it loose," Dumbledore said austerely.  
"You spend too much time reading all those fashion magazines-"  
"A man of my age has to keep up with the latest fashions," Dumbledore replied wisely. "Turn around."  
Severus obeyed.  
"Marvellous, absolutely marvellous," Dumbledore praised him. Severus gazed at him.  
"Thank you, Albus. For trusting me when no else did. Thank you for everything. For this marriage."  
"Severus, child, it is Harry you have to thank. You would not be having a marriage without him," Dumbledore chuckled, embracing his Potions Master. Severus rested his cheek against his best man's shoulder.  
"Well then, Severus dear, are you ready for a wonderful life?"  
Severus drew back, and the smile on his lips made his whole face glow.  
"Yes."

There was a sharp crack and Dobby, arrayed in all the colours of the rainbow, a tower of tea cosies balanced on his head and defying the laws of gravity by means of a fastening spell, appeared, announcing that Harry was ready. Severus turned his back on the mirror and took a deep breath. A slight flush tinged his pale cheeks as he strode out of his quarters with Dumbledore at his side. At the same time, Harry and his friends were leaving Gryffindor Tower – they had relocated to the place in order to let Severus and Dumbledore have the run of the dungeons before the ceremony – and, of course, to prevent the two wizards from seeing each other beforehand.

"Ready, Harry?" Hermione said, beaming. She seemed as excited about Harry's wedding as if it she herself was getting married. Harry had the feeling that Ron was going to pop the question anytime soon.

"Oh yeah!" Harry said, feeling wonderfully nervous as they headed for the Great Hall, which had been elaborately decorated by the Hogwarts staff and the couple's friends.

"I do hope Dumbledore has not forgotten the rings-"

"Of course he hasn't, Harry!" Hermione said.

"Well, mate, you never know, at his age-"

"Shut up, Ron!" Hermione hissed, prodding her boyfriend sharply in the ribs, "you're making Harry nervous!"

"He is already nervous," Ron pointed out.

"I suppose there's always the Summoning Charm in case he has forgotten the rings," Harry said pensively.

---

The doors of the Great Hall opened to admit Severus and Dumbledore. The wedding guests – a large group of red-haired heads indicated a more than strong Weasley-ian presence – cheered loudly. Journalists and all those who had not received an invitation were, of course, banned from the wedding. Magic spells which had been cast on the door ensured that no unwelcome intruders could make a nuisance of themselves. A minute later, Harry and Ron and Hermione stepped into the Hall. Hermione gave Harry a radiant smile, patted his back and went towards the Weasley family. Harry spotted Hagrid dressed in his best hairy suit. A lump rose in his throat as he gazed at the many faces surrounding him, and when his eyes met the black ones of the Potions Master, he wanted to weep with joy.  
Filius Flitwick, who was in charge of the Hogwarts choir, raised his wand; the group of students started to sing. Ron and Dumbledore led Harry and Severus to each other; they took the left hands of the bridegrooms and joined them so that they were holding hands. Harry smiled and squeezed Severus's hand gently. Severus rubbed Harry's knuckles with his long fingers in response. Both Molly and Arthur Weasley were in tears. Tonks's hair was an overjoyed neon pink shade. Remus and his new boyfriend were beaming, and even Marius Rivers looked content.

The two bridegrooms marched regally towards the female priest, who was smiling at them. Dumbledore walked gracefully behind them in his turquoise robes, from which he extracted a small box containing the wedding rings of the grooms. As the priestess spoke and the couple exchanged vows, the box left the Headmaster's fingers, gliding towards Severus and Harry; its lid opened, and the rings flew out of it, hovering expectantly near their solemn faces. At the priestess' concluding words, they shared a soft kiss which made the hall explode into uproarious applause.

"Everyone, follow me outside into the grounds!" Dumbledore called, casting the Sonorus Charm on his throat. Curious and delighted, the crowd followed, the students babbling and giggling madly as everyone marched into the cold night. The Weasley twins bobbed to the front of the crowd and moved towards the crate, which was lying peacefully on the lawn. They pointed their wands at it, uttered a spell simultaneously, and the crate began to crackle loudly. Severus's mouth quirked and Harry squeezed his hand as the firework display started with three deafening bangs and a series of red snitches and green cauldrons. They collided and melted to a picture of a lion doing the tango with a serpent, twirling and pacing together rhythmically. Severus snorted while his husband roared with laughter.

"Don't forget we've still got to dance after this show," Harry reminded him, chortling. Severus draped his arm around Harry's waist, whispering into his ear:

"I assure you, Mr Potter-Snape, that my memory is excellent."

The wedding went on till two o'clock in the morning; students in their first, second and third years were shepherded back to their dormitories at around midnight by the prefects and, in cases where disobedience was attempted, by a very strict Minerva McGonagall. Severus and Harry were happily exhausted when they finally re-entered the dungeons, which were sporting wedding decorations en masse. Best of all, some prankster or the other – Harry strongly suspected Fred and George Weasley – had modified the painting of Apollo and Hyacinthus. The latter was very much alive and on top of his partner as they engaged in heated activities. A combination of Christmas tinsel and white roses adorned the frame.

"A not so subtle hint concerning our immediate future," was Severus's dry observation. Harry grinned as they reached the doors of their rooms.

"I hope the drawing stays the way it is," he said mischievously.

Gifts were neatly stacked in a large pile near Severus's desk. Hedwig was sitting on the piece of furniture, surrounded by letters and cards.

"I suggest that we open all this tomorrow and make a list of all the people whom we have to thank. Now is our wedding night," Severus said gravely, kissing his new husband all over his face. He brushed back Harry's fringe. The scar was still there – but now it was what it was: only a scar, the same as the faded mark on his forearm. Harry beamed at him, locking his arms firmly around Severus's neck.  
"Uh-huh. So it is," he said innocently. Severus's dark eyes seemed to catch fire. Harry inclined his face for a kiss and received a sizzling one. Half an hour later, he was entangled in the sheets with Severus, whose legs were hooked around Harry's waist as they consummated their marriage, hot liquid spreading between their stomachs as Severus bucked convulsively. Harry slumped forwards with a drawn-out moan, burying his head against Severus's shoulder.

"I love you, Harry," Severus breathed into his husband's ear. Harry raised his head and looked into Severus's eyes. It was the very first time Severus had uttered the words which, as he had once told Harry, he considered routine, clichéd and banal.

"And I love you, Sev," Harry replied, his face flushed, sweaty and radiant – like Severus's.

---

When Severus woke up in the morning, he discovered that Harry was already awake, stretching happily against him. Since he had started sharing his life with Harry, Severus looked forward to each day. Harry was always chirrupy as a sparrow at six o'clock in the morning. He ate his meals with a young man's healthy appetite, thus managing to improve Severus's spare diet as well. Severus was finally one very happy wizard. When he and Harry got into arguments – as was bound to happen with two headstrong wizards – there was always an amusing element in their snippy conversations. It was not surprising that Harry would suddenly start laughing halfway through their verbal disagreement, saying that they were being ridiculous. And now…they were married. _Married_. Severus repeated the word several times in his head.

"Gooood moooorning," Harry sang out. Severus rolled over onto his side and wrapped his arm around his husband's chest. He did love to cuddle Harry, and Harry did love to tease him about it. Harry's hand slipped over his, and as their fingers twined, their wedding rings met and clinked together softly. Sometimes, Severus decided, the best things came to those who went through the worst things.

"Breakfast?" Harry yawned.

"Oh yes," Severus purred, eyeing his husband hungrily.

Harry laughed.

---

**FIN**

---

Dear all, thanks a trillion for following this story and submitting so much feedback! As always, I feel a bit mournful after finishing a long story. On the other hand, Snarry story number five is waiting for all of us. The plot combines the plots from _Beyond Words_ and _Union of Doom_: Severus is forced to marry a mute Harry. This story, too, will have chapters, but I can't say how long it will be. I'll probably start posting in another two weeks or so; you can check my Snarry blog (cf. profile page) for more info. Thanks again! :-D


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